(no subject)
im discusted latley by my distastefulness in the choice of boys i have dated.
actually more so overly discusted with one because, he hides himself and his past so officantly no one could ever know his secrets. it takes years to find the truths behind the lies. the only way to know is to dig through sorces, half of which you wouldnt know are sorces...but the thing gets around.
ive been disobedient of wishes. and find myself stepping the same pavement searching for a vibrant path with a joyous ending. yet i find my heart fluttering back to the same mistakes. it makes me vomit in my thoughts to know or think of the things that have been passed through bodies and bodies and bodies. unresponsive to the language of body. my mind spins in the games of the past thinking how i could have lost, but never really knew what i've gained. clarity to who i am and what i dont want to be used as.
one time feeds the gain of more pain and fear. wrong words, unpleasuring emotion, loneliness, staggering movements. human behaviour has never been right, always lived backwards until we step blindly into a leg breaking hole. we cant move, stranded in the same place. until we heal, living differently and we can feel our way around ourselves alot better.
actually more so overly discusted with one because, he hides himself and his past so officantly no one could ever know his secrets. it takes years to find the truths behind the lies. the only way to know is to dig through sorces, half of which you wouldnt know are sorces...but the thing gets around.
ive been disobedient of wishes. and find myself stepping the same pavement searching for a vibrant path with a joyous ending. yet i find my heart fluttering back to the same mistakes. it makes me vomit in my thoughts to know or think of the things that have been passed through bodies and bodies and bodies. unresponsive to the language of body. my mind spins in the games of the past thinking how i could have lost, but never really knew what i've gained. clarity to who i am and what i dont want to be used as.
one time feeds the gain of more pain and fear. wrong words, unpleasuring emotion, loneliness, staggering movements. human behaviour has never been right, always lived backwards until we step blindly into a leg breaking hole. we cant move, stranded in the same place. until we heal, living differently and we can feel our way around ourselves alot better.