(no subject)
im not done yet...
i really have the urge to lay in a field with someone i love...like my mommy, but since i cant id like to lay in a field with bev.
it scares me how much of my mom she is. and i dont want her to ever go away. but if she cant be with my dad its too awkward putting her into a motherly position in my mind. i really just want them to be in love.
i need a mommy because im getting very mentally unstable.
i dont even know what emotion to feel. im just jumbled in my mind wondering when id everything going to come together. and how does it come together? am i supposed to get a new mom who is completely fitting the pieces i have been missiing for 5 years or am i supposed to make those up through my life?
i dont want to search to find a solution anymore. misery is usless when your trying to gain a better lifetime. i wish someone extrodinary would come. i wish even something extrodinary and mind blowing could happen to set me back into stance.
im falling, i get up and trip once more.
im uncomfotable in my skin. its me that makes it uncomfortable right?
when someone makes me feel inadicquite thats my fault for letting it get to that emotion?
i dont understand this effort im supposed to be making. what is this thing that i do to help myself? its not fitting pieces to complete a puzzle.
i want to scream. i talk in cirles and keep spinning around my words trying to find a way out of the madness.
im annoyed of anything. and im begining to hate everything.
im bitter and angry. and if you tell me that once more i'll snap you in half.
obviously i know better then anyone what i am.
god, im angry.
do you think people who have diseases know they have diseases? like if someone has a mental disorder...they can realize they are doing something wrong because they just always think " oh i have a mental disorder thats why im talking weird." someone like me could wonder "maybe i have a disorder and i seem over reactive to other people" and because i realize this it really couldnt be true because im self cautious of it. or i could realize it and it could be true?
i really have the urge to lay in a field with someone i love...like my mommy, but since i cant id like to lay in a field with bev.
it scares me how much of my mom she is. and i dont want her to ever go away. but if she cant be with my dad its too awkward putting her into a motherly position in my mind. i really just want them to be in love.
i need a mommy because im getting very mentally unstable.
i dont even know what emotion to feel. im just jumbled in my mind wondering when id everything going to come together. and how does it come together? am i supposed to get a new mom who is completely fitting the pieces i have been missiing for 5 years or am i supposed to make those up through my life?
i dont want to search to find a solution anymore. misery is usless when your trying to gain a better lifetime. i wish someone extrodinary would come. i wish even something extrodinary and mind blowing could happen to set me back into stance.
im falling, i get up and trip once more.
im uncomfotable in my skin. its me that makes it uncomfortable right?
when someone makes me feel inadicquite thats my fault for letting it get to that emotion?
i dont understand this effort im supposed to be making. what is this thing that i do to help myself? its not fitting pieces to complete a puzzle.
i want to scream. i talk in cirles and keep spinning around my words trying to find a way out of the madness.
im annoyed of anything. and im begining to hate everything.
im bitter and angry. and if you tell me that once more i'll snap you in half.
obviously i know better then anyone what i am.
god, im angry.
do you think people who have diseases know they have diseases? like if someone has a mental disorder...they can realize they are doing something wrong because they just always think " oh i have a mental disorder thats why im talking weird." someone like me could wonder "maybe i have a disorder and i seem over reactive to other people" and because i realize this it really couldnt be true because im self cautious of it. or i could realize it and it could be true?