realization (and a bit more explanation for deaf ears)
ya know... i think i was trying to protect him while hurting him.. it has just dawned on me. i've been through heartache so much that i know what helps in the long run. after we broke up i wanted space... it would have been such a peaceful ending to it and left it with no bridges burned so that later on a friendship would be possible. a space and peace that would allow healing and re-building as soon as possible. as opposed to what has ended up happening; all this turmoil. all this emotional rollercoaster shit... analyzing and fear and pain and hiding and frustration and everything.. i've BEEN through it all before, both ways. and intuitively i know now what steps to take at least in the right direction of healing and everything.. i know that there's a process that must be completed.. a process that your heart and your mind and your emotions go through, and it has nothing to do with all the crap before hand like we've been through. it starts with separation and if it's supposed to happen, then ends with a friendship.
but some people just refuse to let things happen around them, they have to scrutinize everything that happens so as to understand it as opposed to letting life take it's course. they want to have so much of a say in what goes on that they begin to lose sight of reality, trying to create what they think is the ideal situation when really, it's rare that life works out that much in your favor.
honestly, i'm done thinking about it. that's it, no deep meaning to it - i'm done thinking about it.
what's done must be done and that's it.
i'm exhuasted i'm going to sleep.
but some people just refuse to let things happen around them, they have to scrutinize everything that happens so as to understand it as opposed to letting life take it's course. they want to have so much of a say in what goes on that they begin to lose sight of reality, trying to create what they think is the ideal situation when really, it's rare that life works out that much in your favor.
honestly, i'm done thinking about it. that's it, no deep meaning to it - i'm done thinking about it.
what's done must be done and that's it.
i'm exhuasted i'm going to sleep.