(no subject)
Sooo yeah, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if it's just PMS rage or if I'm legitimately feeling this, but I think I inadvertently ended up in a relationship with A and every fiber of my being is fighting against it. I've been really irritable with him for the past week or so and like, I don't know. I feel like I just built up my own space and I'm having to share it again which is making me a little resentful. I know for a fact that I'm not ready for another relationship yet. I'm really, legitimately emotionally unavailable and I can't open my heart to a romantic relationship, at least not fully.
I wasn't feeling this before but like, I don't know. There's some things about him that are seriously rubbing me the wrong way. On the one hand he's really sweet, thoughtful, cuddly, and he's a bomb-ass lay but on the other, he's into cheesy romantic shit and I'm not...like, REALLY not. And I've told him this, and he insists on being cutesy and romantic and giving me presents even if I protest or tell him flat out I won't use whatever he wants to give me which is just...not fucking cool. At all. Other girls might be into that, which is fine, but I'm not. And for good reason.
Plus the other day we were discussing mental health and depression and when I was trying to explain my point (which I could back up with literal facts) I felt like I was talking to a wall. He just would not comprehend what I was saying and I ended up getting frustrated, and I cry when I'm frustrated, and he gets really loud and sounds really angry when he's debating shit with me which is also not fucking cool at all considering that I just fucking left a living situation and into my current one because I was tired of listening to anger and yelling all the time. So that just made me cry more and I tried to explain that to him and he continued being loud and aggressive sooo...lol. I can't deal with that shit.
And then the next day he was still being kinda pouty about it because he thought *I* was angry at him even though I told him I wasn't mad at him multiple times, but he didn't believe me. Again, I can't deal with that shit. If you're going to keep dwelling on shit well after it's resolved and won't take my word for it when I express my feelings to you then this is already a sinking ship. So there's two strikes. One more and I'm ending it.
Like, I'm literally entering a relationship that I didn't want to get into because I thought it was promising and I want to be here, but if you think your hooks are already in me deep enough that I won't break it off if you pull any more fuckshit, you're sorely mistaken. It's no skin off my ass to cut this shit off before it really starts. I'm not invested in it at all and I have less than zero patience for bullshit at this point. Especially when you blatantly refuse to listen to what I'm saying to you and then try to make me feel bad about it? Nah bitch, I've dealt with that way too many fucking times before and I'm not doing it again.
And I don't know if he means to do this, but I feel like he thinks he knows what I want and what I like better than I do, and then gets like, offended when I say that I don't like whatever it is which pisses me off. Again, it's like talking to a wall. Then if I get bitchy he feels like he has to tiptoe around me. Like...??? Maybe just listen to me when I tell you what I like and don't like and respect it without bitching because it doesn't match up with what you assumed I would like? It's beyond irritating. Ugh. I don't know, I guess I'll ride it out a little longer but if things don't get better and he doesn't knock it off with this shit then I'm out. I'm not going to try to resolve it, I'm just out.
I wasn't feeling this before but like, I don't know. There's some things about him that are seriously rubbing me the wrong way. On the one hand he's really sweet, thoughtful, cuddly, and he's a bomb-ass lay but on the other, he's into cheesy romantic shit and I'm not...like, REALLY not. And I've told him this, and he insists on being cutesy and romantic and giving me presents even if I protest or tell him flat out I won't use whatever he wants to give me which is just...not fucking cool. At all. Other girls might be into that, which is fine, but I'm not. And for good reason.
Plus the other day we were discussing mental health and depression and when I was trying to explain my point (which I could back up with literal facts) I felt like I was talking to a wall. He just would not comprehend what I was saying and I ended up getting frustrated, and I cry when I'm frustrated, and he gets really loud and sounds really angry when he's debating shit with me which is also not fucking cool at all considering that I just fucking left a living situation and into my current one because I was tired of listening to anger and yelling all the time. So that just made me cry more and I tried to explain that to him and he continued being loud and aggressive sooo...lol. I can't deal with that shit.
And then the next day he was still being kinda pouty about it because he thought *I* was angry at him even though I told him I wasn't mad at him multiple times, but he didn't believe me. Again, I can't deal with that shit. If you're going to keep dwelling on shit well after it's resolved and won't take my word for it when I express my feelings to you then this is already a sinking ship. So there's two strikes. One more and I'm ending it.
Like, I'm literally entering a relationship that I didn't want to get into because I thought it was promising and I want to be here, but if you think your hooks are already in me deep enough that I won't break it off if you pull any more fuckshit, you're sorely mistaken. It's no skin off my ass to cut this shit off before it really starts. I'm not invested in it at all and I have less than zero patience for bullshit at this point. Especially when you blatantly refuse to listen to what I'm saying to you and then try to make me feel bad about it? Nah bitch, I've dealt with that way too many fucking times before and I'm not doing it again.
And I don't know if he means to do this, but I feel like he thinks he knows what I want and what I like better than I do, and then gets like, offended when I say that I don't like whatever it is which pisses me off. Again, it's like talking to a wall. Then if I get bitchy he feels like he has to tiptoe around me. Like...??? Maybe just listen to me when I tell you what I like and don't like and respect it without bitching because it doesn't match up with what you assumed I would like? It's beyond irritating. Ugh. I don't know, I guess I'll ride it out a little longer but if things don't get better and he doesn't knock it off with this shit then I'm out. I'm not going to try to resolve it, I'm just out.