(no subject)
You’re that Wisp of Smoke that Never Leaves My Throat. Irritating Yet Intoxicatingly Beautiful.
Side II
Pairing; Billie/Mike
Rating; NC-17 (eventually.)
Summary; I ran my finger along the small boy on the wall- he wasn’t giddy and gaudy like the rest of the wall’s human inhabitants, he was small and curled in a shadowed area. He was watching everyone else, perched in the small cavern of grass and dirt, his sad eyes connecting to another small boy- but this one was happy and scatterbrained like the other mindless creatures in the picture...
Note; this actually originated as a LP story I wrote for my friend, but I realized half way through that it made an awfully delightful Green Day slash as well. So thus I share this with you as "Side II".
I can’t remember how long it’s been, now. How long I’ve absolutely despised the kid. Long time, that much I know, I thought with a knowing grin as I breathed in the menthol cigarette fumes. I held it in long enough to feel my mouth swell with that feeling of idyllic destruction before letting it out in a wisp of smoke that floated to the sky in it’s attempt at everything we wished we could succeed in. I looked down at the cigarette in my hand and tossed it to the ground as I flattened it into the ground with the tip of my shoe. I spit somewhere off to the side and merely sneered at the soft scoff I heard. I turned around to face a young women, her hair framing her face with tightly wound curls-- almost making me want to get a firm grip and hold her off the ground and watch her spin until they unwound like a child’s play-thing-her eyes barely seen beneath the fields of eyelashes.
“Can I help you, m’am?” I asked, bowing in complete disdain.
She merely groaned, softly, and entered the wooden doors to the gleaming mansion that towered over me, casting a shadow over my surroundings and me. The doorman looked out at me and smiled, nervously as I settled my eyes on him.
“Can I help you?” I hissed between my teeth, narrowing my eyes.
He straightened, and I smiled, smugly, seeing a thin sheet of sweat break out as he stumbled over his words.
“I…I…I-I…” he stuttered, looking up at me, as I took a few steps closer.
I watched his eyes get big as I did my best to keep a straight face, “You, what?”
I reached a hand out to sweep along his jaw line, but he flinched away before I even touched him. A sly smile played across my lips as I grinned, satisfied, and pushed past him into the house leaving the flustered doorman time to register.
I walked through the slim hallway into a room that expanded to the size of a small house. I saw the tables neatly aligned, all the guests chattering away obliviously happy to be present. I had to admit amongst all my confusion as to why I was here; the dining room itself was a sight for aching eyes. The designs of homes along the water dancing around behind the guests and all around the room; such playful sketches. Gaudy lamps and hanging light fixtures all around; filling any empty space- any pause or gap in the air. I couldn’t even hear my pulse in my ears over the low mumbling of mindless talking and laughter.
I walked over to a wall I remember seeing when I was younger- the first time I had ever connected to a piece of art. It was the one thing that convinced me if all else bombed, my participation would still have me come out with benefits to the situation. I ran my finger along the small boy on the wall- he wasn’t giddy and gaudy like the rest of the wall’s human inhabitants, he was small and curled in a shadowed area. He was watching everyone else, perched in the small cavern of grass and dirt, his sad eyes connecting to another small boy- but this one was happy and scatterbrained like the other mindless creatures in the picture.
I felt a chin rest on my shoulder, as I eased up after the slight fright it gave me at first. I turned my head just enough to see the girl I had came to this retched place to be with, to see her again-
“Aideen,” I murmured, brushing her hair back in the vein of all its fiery exquisiteness.
She smiled, modestly, closing her eyes as she took in my scent. She smelled of violets and peppermint, whilst I smelled of cigarettes and cheap liquor.
“You always comfort me, Billie.” She whispered, wistfully, “I’m glad you came.”
She drew back to look me up and down as I looked at her beautiful glowing form. Her elegant wedding dress trailing to just above her ankles. Our eyes met again within seconds and I was hit with a force of an embrace, before returning it, lifting her slightly off the ground with a happy sigh.
I set her back down and she just glowed, “So where’s the lucky groom?”
She nodded over to the man standing in the doorway nearby. He had a small smile on his lips as he watched, looking more aware when he saw our attention now placed on him. He beamed as he walked over, taking my hand and shaking it, firmly.
“I’ve heard so much about you.” He said, not noticing that I was trying to pry his hand off with a look of discomfort.
Aideen took his hand away, allowing me my hand back, as I scowled- how I hated being touched by strangers.
“It’s a pleasure,” I murmured, hotly, as I felt the pang in my arm jerk, holding it down.
Aideen was noticing how I was straining to keep from attacking the poor kid, intercepting, “You know what, Kyle, you two can talk later…we have some last minute things to discuss.”
And with that she whisked him away, as I stole into a nearby stairway, tightening my grip on the first thing my hand found and hurled it across the room to smash on the opposed wall. I slid my eyes shut and rested for a minute, my hand still stinging from the unwanted contact. Sure to bruise, I persisted, angrily.
I found my feet leading me up the staircase- up, up, up- until I reached the room I thought I had forgotten. It extended to what seemed like forever. Half a football stadium, at least, I thought, spinning around in the ballroom. I spun in my thoughts, those memories…
Running around the room in bare feet, hearing the echo as Aideen yelled her battle cry and tackled me to the ground. Wrestling- a world of arms and legs and the only thought was to win. Not to breathe, or survive- merely to be successful. But that’s how things are for best friends when you are young.
I inhaled, deeply, seeing the ghosted figures of the two of us running around and around the place.
My first kiss in the small crevice between the piano and the wall. He had been 20 while I was a mere 15. His hands all over me, smiling as our lips collided, a small laugh coming out as I tried to imitate and learn. His hands pushing me, softly, into the wall.
Ah, Jakob. How I remember. My piano teacher of sorts. Yet I learned so much more than piano from him. So much more.
Salsa music filled my ears. I looked at Aideen and Jakob dance and laugh and knew I wanted to intervene- the only problem was which one I wanted to dance with, Jakob or Aideen? I was so wrapped up I hadn’t noticed that Jakob was pulling me forward and whispering the steps into my ear as he held me close.
My head swimming in every thought- every feeling- every connection. I watched all the memories move around me at each its own pace. Darkness flooded my senses, as I felt my throat clench, leaning for the wall but finding nothing as I slipped to the floor.
A rush of noise- SLAM! Crying filling the echoes of every crevice. I was 16 and crumpled in the corner of the open space. Waiting for someone or something to strike me down. Rain beating down on the windows. I curled into the fetal position- anything to protect me from them- from the outside.
“Billie?” A small murmur asked, as Aideen made her way over to me.
I whimpered in response as another sob shook my throat to pieces.
“Billie,” she said, taking me into her arms, “This wasn’t you fault. You didn’t do this.”
“I c-could’ve stopped him!” I yelled, tearing at my hair as I beat against her, trying to shove her off.
She held me close, whispering fiercely in my ear, “No you couldn’t have.” I watched as the tears stung her own eyes, as well, “Neither of us could have…no matter how much we persist that we could have- we couldn’t.”
I stopped fighting, a mere crumpled mess in her arms.
I could faintly hear footsteps, but the reality of this memory kept me firmly in its grasp. All I could see was blurred edges and the two of us in all our sadness and depression. It engulfed me. I heard a slight scream in the distance.
“Billie!”
I felt hands on me, one wiping my hair back as the blurred figure of Aideen felt my forehead. The jerk of the removal of the restriction in my neck released I coughed and turned over. I coughed onto the floor, feeling my arms go numb as my vision cleared.
“Billie…” It was a murmur, now, “Are you alright?”
“Fine.” I choked, looking up at her with a small smile.
I fought back the sting of tears, as I looked into her concerned eyes- the same ones she had the night Jakob was killed.
She pressed my head into her neck as I cried softly into it, finding comfort as she pulled me into her lap.
“I wish he was here, too, baby.” She said, sadly, wiping my eyes.
I stifled my sobs to whimpers until they turned into mere hiccups, occasionally. She sat there, brushing her fingers through my hair, until she felt me relax and move away.
“You ready to go back down?” she asked, quietly, looking into my eyes for an answer.
I nodded, “Yeah.”
“Alright.” She sighed, relieved, helping me to my feet.
As I followed her back downstairs I know the very last thing I wanted to do tonight was ruin her wedding- this girl that had never thought of herself always of me- it was her night. And I couldn’t have been happier for her.
Side II
Pairing; Billie/Mike
Rating; NC-17 (eventually.)
Summary; I ran my finger along the small boy on the wall- he wasn’t giddy and gaudy like the rest of the wall’s human inhabitants, he was small and curled in a shadowed area. He was watching everyone else, perched in the small cavern of grass and dirt, his sad eyes connecting to another small boy- but this one was happy and scatterbrained like the other mindless creatures in the picture...
Note; this actually originated as a LP story I wrote for my friend, but I realized half way through that it made an awfully delightful Green Day slash as well. So thus I share this with you as "Side II".
I can’t remember how long it’s been, now. How long I’ve absolutely despised the kid. Long time, that much I know, I thought with a knowing grin as I breathed in the menthol cigarette fumes. I held it in long enough to feel my mouth swell with that feeling of idyllic destruction before letting it out in a wisp of smoke that floated to the sky in it’s attempt at everything we wished we could succeed in. I looked down at the cigarette in my hand and tossed it to the ground as I flattened it into the ground with the tip of my shoe. I spit somewhere off to the side and merely sneered at the soft scoff I heard. I turned around to face a young women, her hair framing her face with tightly wound curls-- almost making me want to get a firm grip and hold her off the ground and watch her spin until they unwound like a child’s play-thing-her eyes barely seen beneath the fields of eyelashes.
“Can I help you, m’am?” I asked, bowing in complete disdain.
She merely groaned, softly, and entered the wooden doors to the gleaming mansion that towered over me, casting a shadow over my surroundings and me. The doorman looked out at me and smiled, nervously as I settled my eyes on him.
“Can I help you?” I hissed between my teeth, narrowing my eyes.
He straightened, and I smiled, smugly, seeing a thin sheet of sweat break out as he stumbled over his words.
“I…I…I-I…” he stuttered, looking up at me, as I took a few steps closer.
I watched his eyes get big as I did my best to keep a straight face, “You, what?”
I reached a hand out to sweep along his jaw line, but he flinched away before I even touched him. A sly smile played across my lips as I grinned, satisfied, and pushed past him into the house leaving the flustered doorman time to register.
I walked through the slim hallway into a room that expanded to the size of a small house. I saw the tables neatly aligned, all the guests chattering away obliviously happy to be present. I had to admit amongst all my confusion as to why I was here; the dining room itself was a sight for aching eyes. The designs of homes along the water dancing around behind the guests and all around the room; such playful sketches. Gaudy lamps and hanging light fixtures all around; filling any empty space- any pause or gap in the air. I couldn’t even hear my pulse in my ears over the low mumbling of mindless talking and laughter.
I walked over to a wall I remember seeing when I was younger- the first time I had ever connected to a piece of art. It was the one thing that convinced me if all else bombed, my participation would still have me come out with benefits to the situation. I ran my finger along the small boy on the wall- he wasn’t giddy and gaudy like the rest of the wall’s human inhabitants, he was small and curled in a shadowed area. He was watching everyone else, perched in the small cavern of grass and dirt, his sad eyes connecting to another small boy- but this one was happy and scatterbrained like the other mindless creatures in the picture.
I felt a chin rest on my shoulder, as I eased up after the slight fright it gave me at first. I turned my head just enough to see the girl I had came to this retched place to be with, to see her again-
“Aideen,” I murmured, brushing her hair back in the vein of all its fiery exquisiteness.
She smiled, modestly, closing her eyes as she took in my scent. She smelled of violets and peppermint, whilst I smelled of cigarettes and cheap liquor.
“You always comfort me, Billie.” She whispered, wistfully, “I’m glad you came.”
She drew back to look me up and down as I looked at her beautiful glowing form. Her elegant wedding dress trailing to just above her ankles. Our eyes met again within seconds and I was hit with a force of an embrace, before returning it, lifting her slightly off the ground with a happy sigh.
I set her back down and she just glowed, “So where’s the lucky groom?”
She nodded over to the man standing in the doorway nearby. He had a small smile on his lips as he watched, looking more aware when he saw our attention now placed on him. He beamed as he walked over, taking my hand and shaking it, firmly.
“I’ve heard so much about you.” He said, not noticing that I was trying to pry his hand off with a look of discomfort.
Aideen took his hand away, allowing me my hand back, as I scowled- how I hated being touched by strangers.
“It’s a pleasure,” I murmured, hotly, as I felt the pang in my arm jerk, holding it down.
Aideen was noticing how I was straining to keep from attacking the poor kid, intercepting, “You know what, Kyle, you two can talk later…we have some last minute things to discuss.”
And with that she whisked him away, as I stole into a nearby stairway, tightening my grip on the first thing my hand found and hurled it across the room to smash on the opposed wall. I slid my eyes shut and rested for a minute, my hand still stinging from the unwanted contact. Sure to bruise, I persisted, angrily.
I found my feet leading me up the staircase- up, up, up- until I reached the room I thought I had forgotten. It extended to what seemed like forever. Half a football stadium, at least, I thought, spinning around in the ballroom. I spun in my thoughts, those memories…
Running around the room in bare feet, hearing the echo as Aideen yelled her battle cry and tackled me to the ground. Wrestling- a world of arms and legs and the only thought was to win. Not to breathe, or survive- merely to be successful. But that’s how things are for best friends when you are young.
I inhaled, deeply, seeing the ghosted figures of the two of us running around and around the place.
My first kiss in the small crevice between the piano and the wall. He had been 20 while I was a mere 15. His hands all over me, smiling as our lips collided, a small laugh coming out as I tried to imitate and learn. His hands pushing me, softly, into the wall.
Ah, Jakob. How I remember. My piano teacher of sorts. Yet I learned so much more than piano from him. So much more.
Salsa music filled my ears. I looked at Aideen and Jakob dance and laugh and knew I wanted to intervene- the only problem was which one I wanted to dance with, Jakob or Aideen? I was so wrapped up I hadn’t noticed that Jakob was pulling me forward and whispering the steps into my ear as he held me close.
My head swimming in every thought- every feeling- every connection. I watched all the memories move around me at each its own pace. Darkness flooded my senses, as I felt my throat clench, leaning for the wall but finding nothing as I slipped to the floor.
A rush of noise- SLAM! Crying filling the echoes of every crevice. I was 16 and crumpled in the corner of the open space. Waiting for someone or something to strike me down. Rain beating down on the windows. I curled into the fetal position- anything to protect me from them- from the outside.
“Billie?” A small murmur asked, as Aideen made her way over to me.
I whimpered in response as another sob shook my throat to pieces.
“Billie,” she said, taking me into her arms, “This wasn’t you fault. You didn’t do this.”
“I c-could’ve stopped him!” I yelled, tearing at my hair as I beat against her, trying to shove her off.
She held me close, whispering fiercely in my ear, “No you couldn’t have.” I watched as the tears stung her own eyes, as well, “Neither of us could have…no matter how much we persist that we could have- we couldn’t.”
I stopped fighting, a mere crumpled mess in her arms.
I could faintly hear footsteps, but the reality of this memory kept me firmly in its grasp. All I could see was blurred edges and the two of us in all our sadness and depression. It engulfed me. I heard a slight scream in the distance.
“Billie!”
I felt hands on me, one wiping my hair back as the blurred figure of Aideen felt my forehead. The jerk of the removal of the restriction in my neck released I coughed and turned over. I coughed onto the floor, feeling my arms go numb as my vision cleared.
“Billie…” It was a murmur, now, “Are you alright?”
“Fine.” I choked, looking up at her with a small smile.
I fought back the sting of tears, as I looked into her concerned eyes- the same ones she had the night Jakob was killed.
She pressed my head into her neck as I cried softly into it, finding comfort as she pulled me into her lap.
“I wish he was here, too, baby.” She said, sadly, wiping my eyes.
I stifled my sobs to whimpers until they turned into mere hiccups, occasionally. She sat there, brushing her fingers through my hair, until she felt me relax and move away.
“You ready to go back down?” she asked, quietly, looking into my eyes for an answer.
I nodded, “Yeah.”
“Alright.” She sighed, relieved, helping me to my feet.
As I followed her back downstairs I know the very last thing I wanted to do tonight was ruin her wedding- this girl that had never thought of herself always of me- it was her night. And I couldn’t have been happier for her.