(no subject)
Title - Scattered
Author- SHoe
Pairing - You figure it out
Rating - Your choice. Depends on how you see it.
Disclaimer - This is merely one of my favorite songs, nothing more.
Notes - I think at my funeral, more like....at my...creamation, when i pass or whatever, I want this song played there. And I noticed theat there weren't any entries in this community yet. I guess this will be the first.
Also posted in _comingclean_
Well I've got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor
Reminds me of the times we've shared
Makes me wish that you were here
'Cause now it's seems I've forgotten my purpose in this life
Well all the songs have been erased
Guess I've learned from mistakes
Since you...left. Well, it's more, now that after two years, I'm finally admitting this all to myself. You died. And no matter what I would do, I had to accept the fact that you were never coming back. All I do is look at all these pictures of us together throughout the years. Being the best of friends. My mom even caught a picture of us in bed together. Not in some...sexual way. We wre young and you were staying the night, and she snapped a picture because it was 'cute'.
I always had some other feelings about you. I didn't know what they were. I didn't understand it. You were just so perfect in any way. And it always amazed me how you could do so many things, be so happy yet verything around you was crumbling down.
Well open the past and present now and we are there
Story to tell and I am listening
Open the past and present and the future too
It's all I've got and I'm giving it to you
I look back so many times through out the day, remembering everything we did together. It replays in my mind, making it feel like I'm actually that age again, and it's happening. I've even started talking to myself, remembering every last syllable I spoke to you.
I open the photo albums that I have collected of us over those long wonderful years of our lives. I pretty spend my whole life now, dedicating it to you, in your memories. In a loving memory. Because I love you.
Well loose ends tied in knots leaving a lump down in my throat
Well gagging on a souvenir
Lodged to fill another year
We'll drag it on and on until my skin is ripped to shreds
Well leaving myself open wide
Living out a sacrifice
I remember how I found you that night. It was only a wonder how I hadn't seen that coming. How you never came to me with any troubles that could have caused this. I couldn't speak. I didn't speak, for weeks on end.
And no wonder you had worn those long sleeved shirts. You had cuts all over. You skin was practically ripped to shreds, and I couldn't take that. But, I had to see. My eyes were locked on you for hours. I just stood there till the crew found me, but I hadn't even noticed they were there.
Everybody was mortified that something could have become what it was. Too many people loved you for you to leave like that. I feel so hollow now, that I didn't get to tell you how much I loved you. Now, I feel like I'm sacrificing my life to still feel you.
I feel so empty inside, so confused that you didn't come home that day, so confused why your voice wasn't there anymore, whispering sweet nonsense into my ear. And you were always there for me, and it seems like when you needed me most, I faled on you. I wasn't there.
Well open the past and present now and we are there
Story to tell and I am listening
Open the past and present and the future too
It's all I've got and I'm giving it to you
The police and the people at the hospital...so many people told me I could keep this all confidential if that is what I wanted. I didn't even know WHY you did that to yourself, so I wouldn't know exactly WHAT to keep confidential.
New reports and magazine articles were finally recognizing you. but, they made you seem like some kind of suicidal freak. That you had been hurting yourself for years, taking drugs, had alcohol problems, and millions of other things that were added on that were utter bullshit.
I tried to think about what the rest of my life would be like without you. I couldn't see it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see it. There was no way I could live without you, it was impossible.
Now, I don't even live, I stay locked away in my memories of you. Which only brings more to my pain and guilt, pain knowing that...that I loved you so fucking much and I couldn't let you go. Guilt because I didn't know why, I felt I chould know why you did that to yourself, why you cut yourself to death, why you practically slaughtered yourself.
My life is all about your absence. Wishing you were here. It's going all out to you.
If you got no one
And you got no place to go
Would it be alright
Could it be alright
Everytime you needed help before that, you would come to me. But, you never mentioned anything that could have caused something like that.
And everytime I needed you, you were there. When I had no place to go, and when my parents would get into fights, I would run to you, because I loved you and that was the time I needed you most.
You always told me that everything would be alright, not to worry or fret. That you would be there. But, now you aren't. Where am I supposed to go? Nobody understands me like you do. Nobody knows all my deepet darkest secrets that I have never told anybody but you.
You. You were the key to my life.
I've got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor
Reminds me of the times we've shared
Makes me wish that you were there
'Cause now it's seems I've forgotten my purpose in this life
Well all the songs have been erased
Guess I've learned from mistakes
These pictures of us together are everywhere now. I miss you so much. So so much. But, I can't tell you that now, can I?
Why'd you have to go and do that? Now, there's nothing to live for anymore. All I have is these photographes and the memories that are now vague and dieing.
I wish you wre here so I can be there for you, to return everything you have done for me. I learned from my mistakes, but I can't prove that. I want to show you everything so badly. I feel so guilty that I never expressed myself before now. I'm too late.
Well open the past and present now and we are there
Story to tell and I am listening
Open the past and present and the future too
It's all I've got and I'm giving it to you
It's all I've got and I'm giving it to you
Now, I pull the gun from the box I kept those pictures in. I bought it years ago just in case anything happened. I've finally found its use, and I can't live like this anymore.
I want to see you again. I want to tell you everything. I know you will listen because I know you're waiting for me, where ever you are.
Looking back isn't working for me anymore. It use to help. The doctor said it would get things out of my system. But the doctor was wrong, like most are.
I point the gun against my temple, slamming my eyes shut.
"I love you, Mikey."