you're knocking me out
I am going to Mamaw's wake in a half hour and her funeral tomorrow. First Funeral in almost two years. TWO YEARS! gah, that is a really fucking long time, or is it? it's 730 days. When you think of things in terms of days and they are under a thousdand it doesn't seem that long. Next year it will be over a thousand. That will be a hurtle to face when we get to it. A racoon is dead in the middle of our street and I want to take a picture of it. Is it bad that I feel that way about humans too? I wish I had a post mortem picture of my dad so I can remember how serious that day was and treat it with some reverence. My memory us getting hazier. I've been depressed all week and all I've done is eat sleep and work. It got better yesterday. I don't know what I am looking foward to but it is something. I keep having these weirdo intensely sad dreams or intensely violent and then I just wake up and am completely unphased by them. It's sad to realize that you have matured into a somewhat logical adult. at time...not all the time. I miss my boys, that sounds so fucking lame, but grey called me at 2 in the morning last night and woke me up and we didn't say much but I just wanted to be there and hang around with them and talk about silly shit and sing kelly clarkson songs and dance. That doesnt happen whenever I hang out with them but I feel like it could. I am going back Thursday. I need to see julie more but other than that this summer has taught me that I don't belong here anymore.