Oh luminescent sun
I am always unconfortable when in the mountians or by the ocean. They are two extremes, and they make me nervous because it makes everything seem a little more dramatic, epic, meaningful. I would rather live on flat land in Nebraska.
Today while i was in the car I was filming the ride in the backseat getting footage of all the small shacks and pick up trucks for sale. I remembered laying in chris's bed with my head on his chest and him telling me about how his family would never have home movies of themselves, they would just turn the movie camera on in the car and film out the winsheild. Then he played one for me, and we sat there and watched the car travel down the road, and various bits of conversation between his parents, but mostly all it consisted of was the song on the radio and the road.
It seemed so much more epic when the image first flashed into my head. It made me feel so much better about somethings, and terrible about others. Friday night, when we were in Massanutten I had a dream where I was with someone on an elevator and the elevator started going all crazy and I was freaking out and started hugging him and then at the point where I knew I was going to die and the elevator was going to crash and lead to our deaths he kissed me, and grabbed me. Then the elevator stopped and the doors opened, and it turned out the elevator was actually just a compartment in a subway like train. Then it was very awkward between us and we got off the elevator and went our separate ways and that's when I woke up. I think that dream is a shining beacon example of - of myself.
I never do well on family vacations, especially at massanutten because the only constant times we vacationed there was with my dad and every tradition we have done there revolves around him in someway. I said ugly things to both mom and daniel on the trip. Most noteably to mom when she and dan were tallying how many deer they had seen over the past two days. I told her that that was something dad did to entertain us as kids so we wouldn't be obnoxious in the car and that it wasn't any "tribute" to him to repeat it just because it reminded them of him.
I later apologized, but it was entirely uncalled for.
we watched "the pursuit of happyness"
and what I liked about it best was how we would discribe events:
This is a part of my life, it is called being stupid"
i will apply that to this weekend
this is a part of my life, this part is called getting sunburned
I literally have a white bikini on constantly now, and that is on my ass and my chest and it looks ridiculous, i am sitting here with a onesie jumpsuit on now and my chest hurts to bad I want to lie in a tub of ice. My stomach is pink.
I am reading letters from earth by mark twain, it's eonderful
it talked about jealousy being a trait that is never admired in anyone.
it just made me think - no i don't know,
i think it was that tiny sliver of rememberance of april two years ago, and it made me jealous of my friends who love these boys and have it reciprocated.
I am only on page 60 or so of the book and I've written all over it. East of Eden is full of penmarks. its a good sign.
Today while i was in the car I was filming the ride in the backseat getting footage of all the small shacks and pick up trucks for sale. I remembered laying in chris's bed with my head on his chest and him telling me about how his family would never have home movies of themselves, they would just turn the movie camera on in the car and film out the winsheild. Then he played one for me, and we sat there and watched the car travel down the road, and various bits of conversation between his parents, but mostly all it consisted of was the song on the radio and the road.
It seemed so much more epic when the image first flashed into my head. It made me feel so much better about somethings, and terrible about others. Friday night, when we were in Massanutten I had a dream where I was with someone on an elevator and the elevator started going all crazy and I was freaking out and started hugging him and then at the point where I knew I was going to die and the elevator was going to crash and lead to our deaths he kissed me, and grabbed me. Then the elevator stopped and the doors opened, and it turned out the elevator was actually just a compartment in a subway like train. Then it was very awkward between us and we got off the elevator and went our separate ways and that's when I woke up. I think that dream is a shining beacon example of - of myself.
I never do well on family vacations, especially at massanutten because the only constant times we vacationed there was with my dad and every tradition we have done there revolves around him in someway. I said ugly things to both mom and daniel on the trip. Most noteably to mom when she and dan were tallying how many deer they had seen over the past two days. I told her that that was something dad did to entertain us as kids so we wouldn't be obnoxious in the car and that it wasn't any "tribute" to him to repeat it just because it reminded them of him.
I later apologized, but it was entirely uncalled for.
we watched "the pursuit of happyness"
and what I liked about it best was how we would discribe events:
This is a part of my life, it is called being stupid"
i will apply that to this weekend
this is a part of my life, this part is called getting sunburned
I literally have a white bikini on constantly now, and that is on my ass and my chest and it looks ridiculous, i am sitting here with a onesie jumpsuit on now and my chest hurts to bad I want to lie in a tub of ice. My stomach is pink.
I am reading letters from earth by mark twain, it's eonderful
it talked about jealousy being a trait that is never admired in anyone.
it just made me think - no i don't know,
i think it was that tiny sliver of rememberance of april two years ago, and it made me jealous of my friends who love these boys and have it reciprocated.
I am only on page 60 or so of the book and I've written all over it. East of Eden is full of penmarks. its a good sign.