(no subject)
I cried so hard that late night I purposefully drove past your house on my way home and saw a second car parked in your driveway. I couldn't figure it out. Where did all that emotion come from? I'm happy with my life and the direction it took.
Yet I'm still grieving. Grieving the loss of you from my life and knowing that things will never be the same again. Grieving the loss of myself and who I thought I was going to be. Grieving the loss of the dreams and expectations placed on me since I was a small child. I will have to tell them all eventually.
Because that's the thing about all this. I refuse to lie about it. I may keep it vague for awhile, but it will eventually all come out.
And now I'm so afraid to love again. So afraid to get close to someone and lose that.
Because when I lost you, I lost a part of who I was.
Yet I'm still grieving. Grieving the loss of you from my life and knowing that things will never be the same again. Grieving the loss of myself and who I thought I was going to be. Grieving the loss of the dreams and expectations placed on me since I was a small child. I will have to tell them all eventually.
Because that's the thing about all this. I refuse to lie about it. I may keep it vague for awhile, but it will eventually all come out.
And now I'm so afraid to love again. So afraid to get close to someone and lose that.
Because when I lost you, I lost a part of who I was.