meaning
I worry too much...that is oh so true. Sometimes though oddly enough that ends up working in my favor. Partly due to the Bi-Polar and partly simply due to how i am, i Feel deeply and go inot overkill on emotions. There are cetain things that will haunt me ifi dont complete them before my death. I am 28, but as things are...nothing has actually progressed as to what needs to be done, it is something that drives me, as well as morals, and veiws, opinions, and sins. Some people want a family, sometimes that passes my mind, cheldren etc. BUT, due to the fact that im somewhat severe mentally I SIMPLY CANT, mess with my medications to make it safe to even BE pregnant. I am unfortuanatelky not joking, but that would be horendous, and id probably be dead by the end of it. For me what drives me is WRITING. I can spout of verse moreso than prose, but it is the one thing i excell at, and i have an need and an urge that I MUST at somepoint get published,to me its ALWAYS been alot more important to leave some kindof makr on the world, be it small or large. I MUST not feel like ive just existed and always taken the easy route...i HATE my deaed end job choices....but i COMPLETELT CRACK, under pressure and stress, stress was also the main reason college ended up failing. So FINE i have ALOT of limitatios and i HATE that...but i reallly do NEED accomplish things that have meaning to me in life....and i want to LIVE life and not just let it flow past me. I want ot take somerisks, im not content to just let each day pass by in a pattern, so maybe im a fool but i NEED to find a meaning for my lif e and i need to ACTUALLY LIVe life and not just exist in it. I get upset over small things but the truth is...in its own way THAT is what makes me tick. I exist on pride and love and hiding my flaws....all things good and bad i JUST NEED MEANING to all of it.