Anxiety rears it's ugly head.
“We take everything as it comes together” except this.
“It hasn’t begun to hurt” he was right.
“I was going to just … slip away” maybe there’s still time.
“Be irrational with me, be crazy” alright, I got rid of those meds.
“I’m not going anywhere” oh?
“I’ll always come back.” he’d have no place to come back from if he’s not going anywhere.
Alone. I killed seven lynxes this afternoon. Butchered them in the kitchen, put the meat in the fridge. Still alone. Standing on the cliff outside the house, watching the sea. I could walk into it. Like in my dreams. Fill the hallow ache in my chest; cut off the sting in my throat.
Alone. I held the knife to my chest for an hour. There’s a mark where I pressed the tip in and held it there. My hand shook. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t press just a little bit harder. Just enough to peel back this horrible reminder of everything that could go wrong. Every mistake I make.
“I submit to you” I dropped the knife.
“I trust you, even forever” the endless sea knows how long an eternity is.
“It hasn’t begun to hurt” he was right.
“I was going to just … slip away” maybe there’s still time.
“Be irrational with me, be crazy” alright, I got rid of those meds.
“I’m not going anywhere” oh?
“I’ll always come back.” he’d have no place to come back from if he’s not going anywhere.
Alone. I killed seven lynxes this afternoon. Butchered them in the kitchen, put the meat in the fridge. Still alone. Standing on the cliff outside the house, watching the sea. I could walk into it. Like in my dreams. Fill the hallow ache in my chest; cut off the sting in my throat.
Alone. I held the knife to my chest for an hour. There’s a mark where I pressed the tip in and held it there. My hand shook. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t press just a little bit harder. Just enough to peel back this horrible reminder of everything that could go wrong. Every mistake I make.
“I submit to you” I dropped the knife.
“I trust you, even forever” the endless sea knows how long an eternity is.