It's getting better all the time.
It’s been a rough couple of weeks. I’ve been through a lot since that fight in the Exchange. A fight I honestly don’t remember a whole lot about. What I do recall only comes to me in little vignettes. Such as Penwyn’s ridiculously large axe smashing into the lawn. Llevelys, his ghoul and the threat of plague. He also said his twin brother would kill Pen’s entire family. Punches were thrown, faces were broken. I didn’t really get involved except to keep Scarlet on alert in case we were needed and at one point I raised my bow at a lynx that had pounced on Neru. Other than that, I stood back and watched. Penwyn had warned me that I’d better not try and stop his impending attack on the Death Knight (I don‘t think Ael and Pen have any idea how alike they look when they‘re on a murderous rampage); and when I’d heard the threat against the family I resolved to do no such thing.
Well, truth be told, after I learned Llevelys carried the plague and had no qualms about using it on living Elves, I slipped into some kind of episode. I suppose that’s where my memory got a bit fuzzy. I’m pretty sure I was trying to get Helthir to help me; Penwyn was covered with blood. Scarlet was still there. A medic came and they didn’t really seem to hear me any more than I was hearing them. While Helthir stumbled through trying to tell the medic what was going on, Aelvern rode in like a gods-damned hero. He and Helthir managed to get me home; to the house on the coast, far away from the city. There Ael held me under his cloak. He rocked me even when I didn’t want to be rocked. He held me and told me it would be alright. When I lashed out at both him and Helthir he put me in my place right quick, but then he wrapped me back up and let me know everything was really going to be alright. I didn’t believe him at the time. Because everything seemed so wrong. The undead were all around us and there was plague about to wash across the city. Aelvern didn’t wince; he was not concerned about anything but me.
He continued to look after me for the following weeks. I was pretty much locked in my self imposed prison. Our dream home on the sea was finally ours and needed to be filled with furniture and our belongings; I busied myself with that. It kept my mind off what was going on just beyond the property line. See, Aelvern had enlisted a team of mages to build this home. Before they left, they enchanted the building, the lands, and the entryways against all sorts of things. Including the monsters I was seeing all day long. I never told Ael about the hallucinations. He only knew I was having night terrors every night and therefore, not sleeping much at all. He knew I was scared of the plague and didn’t want to go to the city. He had no idea how deep these fears ran. He had his own plan to try and return me to my usual self; fuck me into every wall and furnishing in the house. It didn’t chase off my phobia but it sure did give me something else to focus on. It also kept him home from work a few times. And awake all night more than a few times. And--- limping that one day. In the end, it did not chase away the depression Aelvern assumed I was in because it was more than that, I simply had never told him.
Ael got fed up with seeing me in such a state of distress. He picked me up and carried me right out the door to the Scourge outside the property. I think I flipped out. I don’t remember much of what happened after he got me out the door. I fought him as hard as I could. Beating at him, screaming and scratching --- anything to get away. When that didn’t work, I slipped into a flashback (that’s what the doctor called it) because that’s when my memory cuts out. What I remember picks up with me in his lap, on the lawn, begging him to take me with him wherever he goes as long as we get past the undead waiting for us on the other side of the stone wall. But he didn’t see them. Then-- I didn’t see them either. The look on Ael’s face--- I will never forget that look. He took me to see a private doctor in the city the next day. Both Aelvern and the doctor told me I’d never actually been seeing any of those things. Not since the war. I’m on some medications everyday now. I feel better. No more nightmares. The injection the doctor gave me that morning made me really sleepy and sluggish, but it made all the shadows stop twisting around. Nothing twists anymore. Things I see or things I think; they’re becoming more clear everyday. I’m more relaxed, too. There are two different medications I have to take. One is for the hallucinations I’d been seeing and night terrors and the other is for the anxiety. I’m not really pleased about needing to take shit everyday. But I’m looking at it like they are just another type of drug and Light knows I’m no stranger to those. I took Ori’s potions to sleep. I smoke Bloodthistle everyday all day long. These are no different.
Shortly after starting this new regimen, Aelvern and I were approached by Llevelys in the Legerdemain Lounge. The Death Knight attempted to be friendly with us and tried to introduce himself to Ael. I whispered into his ear that he was the one from the altercation at the fountain. This did not sit well with my Falcon at all. He grabbed Llev by the hair and started screaming at him to apologize to me. Llevelys … isn’t very bright. Or, he’s very very very stubborn. I’m not sure which. He protested; refused to admit he’d done any wrong, would not say sorry, ordered Ael let him go. Aelvern put his mace through the bar. Then Llev grabbed Ael’s wrist and started to squeeze it with enough force to break it. I charged at him yelling to fucking stop threatening my family! Aelvern let go of Llev’s hair to snag me out of mid-air by the waist and bark at me that he didn’t want me touching such filth. Llev gave me the strangest look and whined that Aelvern started it. It was--- almost as if he’d thought I would take his side! Then, oh Light, Llevelys you stupid bastard, he began blaming the entire incident on Penwyn. Aelvern went into a seething rage. I mean really, why the fuck would any one antagonize a seven-foot tall Paladin pushing 500lbs in full plate wielding a weapon the size of a stable boy? And really, Aelvern has the temper of a Quillboar in season. I’ll never know why people think it’s a good idea to push their luck with him. Undead super strength or not --- the man weilds the Light. Sweet Sunwell; no one‘s methodical anymore. Thankfully the event ended with Ael dragging me out of the bar. No one was hurt.
I’ve been back in the city without much trouble. I’m not seeing things that aren’t there and I’m not having much trouble thinking clearly. Aelvern is keeping very close tabs on me, naturally. He works in the city and doesn’t keep me out of sight for very long when I’m in town. If he must attend to something that will take his attentions away from me, I’m left with someone he knows. I can’t avoid it; and on some level I suppose I do appreciate it. For now. He’s slowly giving me room to spread my fiery blue wings, I’m confident he knows what he’s doing.
The other evening I was hovering around the exchange by myself. I’d left the company of Helthir and Penwyn. Llevelys found me there by myself. What’d happened at The Lounge did sink into his head because he knew something was different with how I viewed him. He kept his distance, he dismissed his dead steed and his ghoul was no where to be seen. He made those apologizes Aelvern had tried to bash out of him. And then he gave me another gift. He presented me with a fencing rapier. More than that, he addressed me as well-bred. He appealed to my heritage and lineage. I was so touched by that, no one has ever bothered. With caution, I accepted both his gift and his apology. He’s still a plague ridden Death Knight. How can he ever not be? But, I will make an effort to not usher him to his grave if he does the same for my family. We seem to have come to an agreement that we may both be dangerous men; but we wont be dangerous to each other. That’s really all I can hope for. I need to talk to Aelvern and let him know the apology was made.
There are side effects associated with the medications I’m on. Being tired all the time in my main complaint, so I’m napping often. The other one is dizziness, that one is awful. Until I adjust to them I cannot return to the Vanguard. Being medicated was supposed to help me out of my cage … I guess it’s a slow process. In the meantime, when I’m not in the city being watched over by my husband or my in-laws, I’m at home training my animals. Misty is coming along rather well as a hunter. Aelvern’s old Charger is my big project. I fully intend to earn Clover’s Crusade caparisons. He’s a good horse, very good. He’s fearless in battle, that’s for sure. And fuck-- he’s one hell of a jousting mount. But he’s so stiff. I blame his size. A good 17 hands. I’ve been spending at least 2 hours a day putting him through dressage maneuvers in the paddock behind our house. He’s improving steadily and becoming more fluid every day. By the time I’m ready to go back to work, he’ll be the best stallion in that arena. He’s handsome and well mannered. Once I’m done with him he’ll be fast, strong, agile and the envy of every Paladin with a lance at the Tournament. Aelvern will be so proud of the both of us when I ride home in those silver vestments. I can hardly wait.
Well, truth be told, after I learned Llevelys carried the plague and had no qualms about using it on living Elves, I slipped into some kind of episode. I suppose that’s where my memory got a bit fuzzy. I’m pretty sure I was trying to get Helthir to help me; Penwyn was covered with blood. Scarlet was still there. A medic came and they didn’t really seem to hear me any more than I was hearing them. While Helthir stumbled through trying to tell the medic what was going on, Aelvern rode in like a gods-damned hero. He and Helthir managed to get me home; to the house on the coast, far away from the city. There Ael held me under his cloak. He rocked me even when I didn’t want to be rocked. He held me and told me it would be alright. When I lashed out at both him and Helthir he put me in my place right quick, but then he wrapped me back up and let me know everything was really going to be alright. I didn’t believe him at the time. Because everything seemed so wrong. The undead were all around us and there was plague about to wash across the city. Aelvern didn’t wince; he was not concerned about anything but me.
He continued to look after me for the following weeks. I was pretty much locked in my self imposed prison. Our dream home on the sea was finally ours and needed to be filled with furniture and our belongings; I busied myself with that. It kept my mind off what was going on just beyond the property line. See, Aelvern had enlisted a team of mages to build this home. Before they left, they enchanted the building, the lands, and the entryways against all sorts of things. Including the monsters I was seeing all day long. I never told Ael about the hallucinations. He only knew I was having night terrors every night and therefore, not sleeping much at all. He knew I was scared of the plague and didn’t want to go to the city. He had no idea how deep these fears ran. He had his own plan to try and return me to my usual self; fuck me into every wall and furnishing in the house. It didn’t chase off my phobia but it sure did give me something else to focus on. It also kept him home from work a few times. And awake all night more than a few times. And--- limping that one day. In the end, it did not chase away the depression Aelvern assumed I was in because it was more than that, I simply had never told him.
Ael got fed up with seeing me in such a state of distress. He picked me up and carried me right out the door to the Scourge outside the property. I think I flipped out. I don’t remember much of what happened after he got me out the door. I fought him as hard as I could. Beating at him, screaming and scratching --- anything to get away. When that didn’t work, I slipped into a flashback (that’s what the doctor called it) because that’s when my memory cuts out. What I remember picks up with me in his lap, on the lawn, begging him to take me with him wherever he goes as long as we get past the undead waiting for us on the other side of the stone wall. But he didn’t see them. Then-- I didn’t see them either. The look on Ael’s face--- I will never forget that look. He took me to see a private doctor in the city the next day. Both Aelvern and the doctor told me I’d never actually been seeing any of those things. Not since the war. I’m on some medications everyday now. I feel better. No more nightmares. The injection the doctor gave me that morning made me really sleepy and sluggish, but it made all the shadows stop twisting around. Nothing twists anymore. Things I see or things I think; they’re becoming more clear everyday. I’m more relaxed, too. There are two different medications I have to take. One is for the hallucinations I’d been seeing and night terrors and the other is for the anxiety. I’m not really pleased about needing to take shit everyday. But I’m looking at it like they are just another type of drug and Light knows I’m no stranger to those. I took Ori’s potions to sleep. I smoke Bloodthistle everyday all day long. These are no different.
Shortly after starting this new regimen, Aelvern and I were approached by Llevelys in the Legerdemain Lounge. The Death Knight attempted to be friendly with us and tried to introduce himself to Ael. I whispered into his ear that he was the one from the altercation at the fountain. This did not sit well with my Falcon at all. He grabbed Llev by the hair and started screaming at him to apologize to me. Llevelys … isn’t very bright. Or, he’s very very very stubborn. I’m not sure which. He protested; refused to admit he’d done any wrong, would not say sorry, ordered Ael let him go. Aelvern put his mace through the bar. Then Llev grabbed Ael’s wrist and started to squeeze it with enough force to break it. I charged at him yelling to fucking stop threatening my family! Aelvern let go of Llev’s hair to snag me out of mid-air by the waist and bark at me that he didn’t want me touching such filth. Llev gave me the strangest look and whined that Aelvern started it. It was--- almost as if he’d thought I would take his side! Then, oh Light, Llevelys you stupid bastard, he began blaming the entire incident on Penwyn. Aelvern went into a seething rage. I mean really, why the fuck would any one antagonize a seven-foot tall Paladin pushing 500lbs in full plate wielding a weapon the size of a stable boy? And really, Aelvern has the temper of a Quillboar in season. I’ll never know why people think it’s a good idea to push their luck with him. Undead super strength or not --- the man weilds the Light. Sweet Sunwell; no one‘s methodical anymore. Thankfully the event ended with Ael dragging me out of the bar. No one was hurt.
I’ve been back in the city without much trouble. I’m not seeing things that aren’t there and I’m not having much trouble thinking clearly. Aelvern is keeping very close tabs on me, naturally. He works in the city and doesn’t keep me out of sight for very long when I’m in town. If he must attend to something that will take his attentions away from me, I’m left with someone he knows. I can’t avoid it; and on some level I suppose I do appreciate it. For now. He’s slowly giving me room to spread my fiery blue wings, I’m confident he knows what he’s doing.
The other evening I was hovering around the exchange by myself. I’d left the company of Helthir and Penwyn. Llevelys found me there by myself. What’d happened at The Lounge did sink into his head because he knew something was different with how I viewed him. He kept his distance, he dismissed his dead steed and his ghoul was no where to be seen. He made those apologizes Aelvern had tried to bash out of him. And then he gave me another gift. He presented me with a fencing rapier. More than that, he addressed me as well-bred. He appealed to my heritage and lineage. I was so touched by that, no one has ever bothered. With caution, I accepted both his gift and his apology. He’s still a plague ridden Death Knight. How can he ever not be? But, I will make an effort to not usher him to his grave if he does the same for my family. We seem to have come to an agreement that we may both be dangerous men; but we wont be dangerous to each other. That’s really all I can hope for. I need to talk to Aelvern and let him know the apology was made.
There are side effects associated with the medications I’m on. Being tired all the time in my main complaint, so I’m napping often. The other one is dizziness, that one is awful. Until I adjust to them I cannot return to the Vanguard. Being medicated was supposed to help me out of my cage … I guess it’s a slow process. In the meantime, when I’m not in the city being watched over by my husband or my in-laws, I’m at home training my animals. Misty is coming along rather well as a hunter. Aelvern’s old Charger is my big project. I fully intend to earn Clover’s Crusade caparisons. He’s a good horse, very good. He’s fearless in battle, that’s for sure. And fuck-- he’s one hell of a jousting mount. But he’s so stiff. I blame his size. A good 17 hands. I’ve been spending at least 2 hours a day putting him through dressage maneuvers in the paddock behind our house. He’s improving steadily and becoming more fluid every day. By the time I’m ready to go back to work, he’ll be the best stallion in that arena. He’s handsome and well mannered. Once I’m done with him he’ll be fast, strong, agile and the envy of every Paladin with a lance at the Tournament. Aelvern will be so proud of the both of us when I ride home in those silver vestments. I can hardly wait.