My man and I part 2
Ok, honesty honesty honesty. I reread some of my past blog entries, and have decided to write a little bit more about what happened when I moved away from Brian.
So he had it all. He had his best buds to "hang" with, and his girl to cuddle with and have sex with, all under one roof. It was great... for him.
The tension between his best friend and I never fully went away. I don't know why J automatically responded to me like he did. From day one, he was rude, stand-offish, and snubbed me, no matter how much I tried to make friends with him.
One day I talked to Brian about it, asking him why J didn't like me.
Brian chucked it off to J being "awkward around strangers." He suggested I try harder to talk to him and make him warm up to me.
This sorta annoyed me. Frist of all, I had no interest in making this random dude like me. I didn't care about him, I cared about Brian. I didn't come to the apartment to kiss J's ass or win his approval. But Brian wanted us to get along, so I made the effort.
My efforts went un returned. The dude just DIDN'T want to be friendly.
My response? In the words of the beloved Bette Midler, " Fuck em if they can't take a joke!"
I tried to be friends with the guy. I really did. But nada. Zilch. And it was upsetting Brian.
Finally one day Brian talked to J about it. And J gave an explanation.
See, in their little cirlce of friends, apparently J was quite the ladies' man. All the girls fell in love with him, including one particular girl that Brian had his eye on.
Anyway, J explained to Brian that he didn't want that to happen with me.
Brian was touched; he thought J was just being a good guy trying to keep his distance.
I, on the other hand, was appalled.
Um, HELLOOOOOOOO! In other words, the reason why this ass hat was so rude to me was because he thought he was such an irresistible Adonis sex-god that he was afraid that I would fall madly in love with him and chuck Brian for him??
WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK???
Needless to say that TOTALLY turned me off to this guy.
On top of the fact that he made a piss-poor first impression on me, he was also an egotist.
Can anyone say YUCK?
Anyway, Brian adored (still does) the man, and kept trying to get me to "reach out" to him and make friends.
That sort of bugged me. It felt like Brian was pressuring me to jump through hoops for Mr. Popularity. It was a side of Brian I didn't like to see. I started to wonder about him; what kind of guy wants his friend to approve of his new woman so much that he forces her to become a performing monkey?
He kept trying to have us all hang out, but I wanted no part of it. And we fought about it.
In the end, I tried to make Brian happy, and did manage to be decent to J, but then Brian wanted me to MOVE IN with the man.
DOUBLE YUCK. And yet, stupid me, I did it anyway.
Well, for the year we lived together, not only was I miserable in the living situation, It just felt weird about J. Our initial start left a bad taste in my mouth, and even though I could hang out with him, I didn't want to LIVE with him.
His girlfriend was cool, even though she and I have nothing in common. I'm loud and silly, she's quiet and serious. She likes chick flicks, I like adventure movies.
I just felt awkward being surrounded by all these people I wasn't comfortable with. It felt like I could never let my hair down in my own home. I couldn't be ME, the girl who likes to sing opera at the top of her lungs, or ,who rehearses dramatic monologues in an empty living room, or who randomly talks aloud to God.
I felt like I had to BEHAVE. Be NORMAL. Or they'd think I was weird.
I hated it sooooo much.
But that wasn't the worst of it. The worst part was when I shared my feelings with Brian. He got so mean. Got mad. Said I wasn't happy because I didn't TRY hard enough.
He didn't seem to care about how uncomfortable I was. He just wanted me to shut up. He was having the time of his life. He didn't want me to spoil things with my own take on things.
I finally got fed up, and after an ugly fight, I got in my car and didn't come back. He tried to call me, but I didn't want to talk to him at all. Not after finding out how indifferent he could be. I didn't want anything to do with someone who didn't care if I was unhappy or not.
I didn't talk to him for a month. He was pissed, but I didn't care.
Grama offered to give us her house for a very low price. Brian jumped on the idea, but after I left him and we had the fight, it became clear that he really wasn't ready to share a life with me. He still wanted to play college roomies with his buds.
He didn't really want the house. He was just saying that because the IDEA of sharing a house with me appealed to his romantic side.
So I moved into the house alone.
Eventually we started talking again. Then we started visiting again. And we started to miss each other. But I refused to move back in with him.
He got another apartment with his brother, and J and his GF moved upstairs from them. (I haven't seen J since the move...almost a year. That's fine with me.)
Brian said he still wanted us to be together, and I wanted that, too. But I was shell-shocked. Our visited were pleasant enough, but he avoided talking about why I left. I guess it was hard for him to admit what was wrong.
But he came around. He acknowledged the fact that I was unhappy, and that a big part of that was due to his blinding himself to it.
He still tries to avoid the subject when it comes up. I guess he feels bad.
Anyway, he proposed on our anniversary. I think he did it partially as a peace-offering, and to prove to me that he does want to be with me (more then he wants his man-cave revelries with J).
That he DOES care how I feel.
I wanted to believe him. I DO believe him.
We started making plans for the future. We want to live in an RV and see the world together. It's a lovely thought. But we'll see.
I just hope it's not another romantic pipe-dream that he's going t renege on last minute so he can still watch football on J's big screen TV.
(Sigh)
So he had it all. He had his best buds to "hang" with, and his girl to cuddle with and have sex with, all under one roof. It was great... for him.
The tension between his best friend and I never fully went away. I don't know why J automatically responded to me like he did. From day one, he was rude, stand-offish, and snubbed me, no matter how much I tried to make friends with him.
One day I talked to Brian about it, asking him why J didn't like me.
Brian chucked it off to J being "awkward around strangers." He suggested I try harder to talk to him and make him warm up to me.
This sorta annoyed me. Frist of all, I had no interest in making this random dude like me. I didn't care about him, I cared about Brian. I didn't come to the apartment to kiss J's ass or win his approval. But Brian wanted us to get along, so I made the effort.
My efforts went un returned. The dude just DIDN'T want to be friendly.
My response? In the words of the beloved Bette Midler, " Fuck em if they can't take a joke!"
I tried to be friends with the guy. I really did. But nada. Zilch. And it was upsetting Brian.
Finally one day Brian talked to J about it. And J gave an explanation.
See, in their little cirlce of friends, apparently J was quite the ladies' man. All the girls fell in love with him, including one particular girl that Brian had his eye on.
Anyway, J explained to Brian that he didn't want that to happen with me.
Brian was touched; he thought J was just being a good guy trying to keep his distance.
I, on the other hand, was appalled.
Um, HELLOOOOOOOO! In other words, the reason why this ass hat was so rude to me was because he thought he was such an irresistible Adonis sex-god that he was afraid that I would fall madly in love with him and chuck Brian for him??
WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK???
Needless to say that TOTALLY turned me off to this guy.
On top of the fact that he made a piss-poor first impression on me, he was also an egotist.
Can anyone say YUCK?
Anyway, Brian adored (still does) the man, and kept trying to get me to "reach out" to him and make friends.
That sort of bugged me. It felt like Brian was pressuring me to jump through hoops for Mr. Popularity. It was a side of Brian I didn't like to see. I started to wonder about him; what kind of guy wants his friend to approve of his new woman so much that he forces her to become a performing monkey?
He kept trying to have us all hang out, but I wanted no part of it. And we fought about it.
In the end, I tried to make Brian happy, and did manage to be decent to J, but then Brian wanted me to MOVE IN with the man.
DOUBLE YUCK. And yet, stupid me, I did it anyway.
Well, for the year we lived together, not only was I miserable in the living situation, It just felt weird about J. Our initial start left a bad taste in my mouth, and even though I could hang out with him, I didn't want to LIVE with him.
His girlfriend was cool, even though she and I have nothing in common. I'm loud and silly, she's quiet and serious. She likes chick flicks, I like adventure movies.
I just felt awkward being surrounded by all these people I wasn't comfortable with. It felt like I could never let my hair down in my own home. I couldn't be ME, the girl who likes to sing opera at the top of her lungs, or ,who rehearses dramatic monologues in an empty living room, or who randomly talks aloud to God.
I felt like I had to BEHAVE. Be NORMAL. Or they'd think I was weird.
I hated it sooooo much.
But that wasn't the worst of it. The worst part was when I shared my feelings with Brian. He got so mean. Got mad. Said I wasn't happy because I didn't TRY hard enough.
He didn't seem to care about how uncomfortable I was. He just wanted me to shut up. He was having the time of his life. He didn't want me to spoil things with my own take on things.
I finally got fed up, and after an ugly fight, I got in my car and didn't come back. He tried to call me, but I didn't want to talk to him at all. Not after finding out how indifferent he could be. I didn't want anything to do with someone who didn't care if I was unhappy or not.
I didn't talk to him for a month. He was pissed, but I didn't care.
Grama offered to give us her house for a very low price. Brian jumped on the idea, but after I left him and we had the fight, it became clear that he really wasn't ready to share a life with me. He still wanted to play college roomies with his buds.
He didn't really want the house. He was just saying that because the IDEA of sharing a house with me appealed to his romantic side.
So I moved into the house alone.
Eventually we started talking again. Then we started visiting again. And we started to miss each other. But I refused to move back in with him.
He got another apartment with his brother, and J and his GF moved upstairs from them. (I haven't seen J since the move...almost a year. That's fine with me.)
Brian said he still wanted us to be together, and I wanted that, too. But I was shell-shocked. Our visited were pleasant enough, but he avoided talking about why I left. I guess it was hard for him to admit what was wrong.
But he came around. He acknowledged the fact that I was unhappy, and that a big part of that was due to his blinding himself to it.
He still tries to avoid the subject when it comes up. I guess he feels bad.
Anyway, he proposed on our anniversary. I think he did it partially as a peace-offering, and to prove to me that he does want to be with me (more then he wants his man-cave revelries with J).
That he DOES care how I feel.
I wanted to believe him. I DO believe him.
We started making plans for the future. We want to live in an RV and see the world together. It's a lovely thought. But we'll see.
I just hope it's not another romantic pipe-dream that he's going t renege on last minute so he can still watch football on J's big screen TV.
(Sigh)