First Days of MD
I'm in Maryland! Woot!
Yeah, like everyother time, I saw my friends and in the time it took me to come to them and hug them, my mind flips over. I was worried, not entirely, but somewhat connected with my inner feelings, and then I saw them waiting for me at the airport, and I became who I allways am with them. There is nothing in me now that mariana does not know, atleast in some part of her. I am worried that I've forgoten something once again, but my selves are fusing slowly, in a few days I may be back to my strength, or this place may turn me into something little different from my mar herself. Perhaps this is what I feared on the airplaine.
Anyway, it's hard to believe I've only been here since thursday...
so yeah, day 1. (thursday) come home, bond a bit, realize that mar's new home is exactly as all past: messy... oh well, I can survive. we have to start cleaning as soon as life settles down (tomorrowish) bonding with sage is interesting: he doesn't know me, but he doesn't seem to be bothered by me (he has some trust issues), it's like I don't exist, so he lets me do more things then he lets mar (I like poking his ears ^_^ he gigles), perhaps he would let mar do them if she tried to, but she's gotten used to not being able to. So yeah, we had fun that night... oh so much fun, but you people don't need to hear it. It was a gay pride dance type situation, except everyone liked girls (more or less), hehehehe... no, honestly, I didn't do so much, because we both only know mar and mar didn't know what to do because the situation so much different then the last time I visited or even 6 houres before, it was only fun because it's such a difference to the last 6 months, and sage enjoys watching me and mar kiss, but hey, why not? ^_^ I still felt out of place because mar and sage have such I past that I shall never know, but it's not like I don't want them to be together, because they would have a past whether or not they are together, and it really doesn't change my relationship with either of them.
day 2. wasted alot of time, mar and sage took me with them to a bank and then shopping for pants for sage (I really don't enjoy wasting time!), though I did enjoy reading at the bookstore. Sage stormed off at one point and went to DC, which made mar pissed for a long while, but it's because she cares a little too much and the whole family has no idea about anger management... not nearly as bad as natasha, but it's still not good, no wonder they get sick so much, they environment isn't exactly nurchering. Everyone has physical and imagines illnesses, no one does anything about them because ignoring them doesn't hurts less, but nothing gets solved... avoiding things doesn't make them go away, so they stack up... I know they have reasons to avoid the pain, but what they are doing doesn't seem to be working... or maybe it is, slowly. So yeah, sage came home, and the night was similar, I stay up way too late...
day 3. we bond with Mehi some (she's been working and sleeping alot), talk about how screwed their computers are (I'm the only connection to the internet), this place is depressing with all the problems they have, but it's better then salt lake city, and if I had to live here permanently, I would be able to fix things a little bit. I'm too stuborn to avoid the pain.
so yeah, we go to get pocky (^_^) and then go to Dupont Circle, get food, I bought a "I think, therefore I'm a liberal" button and a raibow kitty beanie-baby thing that I named Tyson (because I miss tyson that much) and.. yeah, I spent way too much money >.< I hate it how they spend money so unplanned, they keep going out to eat when it's 10 times cheeper to eat at home because the home is too messy and then complain that they don't have enough money for anything, gr... don't save money on postage stamps so you can through it out the car window. Oh well, I'm doing the same thing in the rush of the moment... but we had alot of fun, except that some random guy on the street grabbed sages arm and it really freaked him out (with good reason) and then again at Dupont (the guy was really drunk and kinda insane), which made him cry, so we got him tissues and we ran into aspen's boyfriend, who I think recognized mar and tried to help out, so he pep-talked sage all the way down the street and took us to see aspen (he's good enough for her, so we had fun), so we got to see aspen and she gave sage and mar a pair of screw earings ^_^ we have to hang out soon! I can't wait until I can get into club Midnight (that's where Aspen was). Also, I figured out why cigarrets have such a calming effect (besides the nicotine)- it forces people to step back and breath (smoke, but atleast it lowers heartrate for a little while).
day 4 (today): me, sage, mar, and mehi go to Nathon's (mar's cute cousin) 9th birthday party, we went to a really good all-you-can-eat chinease restaurant (as if I haven't eaten enough in the last few days) and then hung out at mar's grandmother's house with the cooler members of their family. Mar's other cousin, at 3 years old, looked exactly like the kid on the Korn album, freaky. Mar's aunt-in-law also gave her $60 bucks to have parent-approved fun, so I guess we'll be going to the movies soon. I love families who give all the kids presents when it's anyones birthday ^_^ and we also read the 3-year-old a "give a mouse a cookie" spin-off... yey, stories about the dangers of giving the deprived help... I swear, that book is anti-welfair
So then, me and mar watch Moulin Rouge (gorgouse movie!) and it made me question my perspective on love: I feel like movies brainwash us to belive in things like "love at first site", love that never changes, never ends, true love. I'm not sure is I believe any of it. Real love at first site is rediculouse and nothing more then lust at first site, wether or not it leads to a descent reltionship. As for never ending love, if everything changes, why not love? Why is love ending such a scary thing? it's natural, it happens. It's because people want something eternal, they want something bulletproof, something that can be the foundation of their reason to live (I should know) but no, love is something of a modern invention, like free speech, and for both things, there's a good reason and a bad, a appropriate situation and one that's not. As for "true love", I don't think I believe that anymore, I mean... why? In a world with 6+ billion people? In a country where, what, 2/3 of marriages end in devorce? In a mind where nothing is good enough? No. I think there are some relationships that are nearly perfect, but they don't have to be eclusive, I beleive that one person can love more then one person, and that jelousy is rooted mostly in untrue assumptions and lack of communication. So no, I don't beleive in "true love", just real love, real affection, real lust, real care. I don't beleive in the invinsiblity of love, which makes me feel like the bad guy in all those disney movies, but I am not "evil", I don't think poorly of people for believing in love, beleiving love is very comforting and convenient, but I cannot. I'm strong enough to realise love for what it is, an addiction and a passion and a care.
PS: new pics!
sage+mar+mehi
Yeah, like everyother time, I saw my friends and in the time it took me to come to them and hug them, my mind flips over. I was worried, not entirely, but somewhat connected with my inner feelings, and then I saw them waiting for me at the airport, and I became who I allways am with them. There is nothing in me now that mariana does not know, atleast in some part of her. I am worried that I've forgoten something once again, but my selves are fusing slowly, in a few days I may be back to my strength, or this place may turn me into something little different from my mar herself. Perhaps this is what I feared on the airplaine.
Anyway, it's hard to believe I've only been here since thursday...
so yeah, day 1. (thursday) come home, bond a bit, realize that mar's new home is exactly as all past: messy... oh well, I can survive. we have to start cleaning as soon as life settles down (tomorrowish) bonding with sage is interesting: he doesn't know me, but he doesn't seem to be bothered by me (he has some trust issues), it's like I don't exist, so he lets me do more things then he lets mar (I like poking his ears ^_^ he gigles), perhaps he would let mar do them if she tried to, but she's gotten used to not being able to. So yeah, we had fun that night... oh so much fun, but you people don't need to hear it. It was a gay pride dance type situation, except everyone liked girls (more or less), hehehehe... no, honestly, I didn't do so much, because we both only know mar and mar didn't know what to do because the situation so much different then the last time I visited or even 6 houres before, it was only fun because it's such a difference to the last 6 months, and sage enjoys watching me and mar kiss, but hey, why not? ^_^ I still felt out of place because mar and sage have such I past that I shall never know, but it's not like I don't want them to be together, because they would have a past whether or not they are together, and it really doesn't change my relationship with either of them.
day 2. wasted alot of time, mar and sage took me with them to a bank and then shopping for pants for sage (I really don't enjoy wasting time!), though I did enjoy reading at the bookstore. Sage stormed off at one point and went to DC, which made mar pissed for a long while, but it's because she cares a little too much and the whole family has no idea about anger management... not nearly as bad as natasha, but it's still not good, no wonder they get sick so much, they environment isn't exactly nurchering. Everyone has physical and imagines illnesses, no one does anything about them because ignoring them doesn't hurts less, but nothing gets solved... avoiding things doesn't make them go away, so they stack up... I know they have reasons to avoid the pain, but what they are doing doesn't seem to be working... or maybe it is, slowly. So yeah, sage came home, and the night was similar, I stay up way too late...
day 3. we bond with Mehi some (she's been working and sleeping alot), talk about how screwed their computers are (I'm the only connection to the internet), this place is depressing with all the problems they have, but it's better then salt lake city, and if I had to live here permanently, I would be able to fix things a little bit. I'm too stuborn to avoid the pain.
so yeah, we go to get pocky (^_^) and then go to Dupont Circle, get food, I bought a "I think, therefore I'm a liberal" button and a raibow kitty beanie-baby thing that I named Tyson (because I miss tyson that much) and.. yeah, I spent way too much money >.< I hate it how they spend money so unplanned, they keep going out to eat when it's 10 times cheeper to eat at home because the home is too messy and then complain that they don't have enough money for anything, gr... don't save money on postage stamps so you can through it out the car window. Oh well, I'm doing the same thing in the rush of the moment... but we had alot of fun, except that some random guy on the street grabbed sages arm and it really freaked him out (with good reason) and then again at Dupont (the guy was really drunk and kinda insane), which made him cry, so we got him tissues and we ran into aspen's boyfriend, who I think recognized mar and tried to help out, so he pep-talked sage all the way down the street and took us to see aspen (he's good enough for her, so we had fun), so we got to see aspen and she gave sage and mar a pair of screw earings ^_^ we have to hang out soon! I can't wait until I can get into club Midnight (that's where Aspen was). Also, I figured out why cigarrets have such a calming effect (besides the nicotine)- it forces people to step back and breath (smoke, but atleast it lowers heartrate for a little while).
day 4 (today): me, sage, mar, and mehi go to Nathon's (mar's cute cousin) 9th birthday party, we went to a really good all-you-can-eat chinease restaurant (as if I haven't eaten enough in the last few days) and then hung out at mar's grandmother's house with the cooler members of their family. Mar's other cousin, at 3 years old, looked exactly like the kid on the Korn album, freaky. Mar's aunt-in-law also gave her $60 bucks to have parent-approved fun, so I guess we'll be going to the movies soon. I love families who give all the kids presents when it's anyones birthday ^_^ and we also read the 3-year-old a "give a mouse a cookie" spin-off... yey, stories about the dangers of giving the deprived help... I swear, that book is anti-welfair
So then, me and mar watch Moulin Rouge (gorgouse movie!) and it made me question my perspective on love: I feel like movies brainwash us to belive in things like "love at first site", love that never changes, never ends, true love. I'm not sure is I believe any of it. Real love at first site is rediculouse and nothing more then lust at first site, wether or not it leads to a descent reltionship. As for never ending love, if everything changes, why not love? Why is love ending such a scary thing? it's natural, it happens. It's because people want something eternal, they want something bulletproof, something that can be the foundation of their reason to live (I should know) but no, love is something of a modern invention, like free speech, and for both things, there's a good reason and a bad, a appropriate situation and one that's not. As for "true love", I don't think I believe that anymore, I mean... why? In a world with 6+ billion people? In a country where, what, 2/3 of marriages end in devorce? In a mind where nothing is good enough? No. I think there are some relationships that are nearly perfect, but they don't have to be eclusive, I beleive that one person can love more then one person, and that jelousy is rooted mostly in untrue assumptions and lack of communication. So no, I don't beleive in "true love", just real love, real affection, real lust, real care. I don't beleive in the invinsiblity of love, which makes me feel like the bad guy in all those disney movies, but I am not "evil", I don't think poorly of people for believing in love, beleiving love is very comforting and convenient, but I cannot. I'm strong enough to realise love for what it is, an addiction and a passion and a care.
PS: new pics!
sage+mar+mehi