A bit tardy
But HEY! I am posting.
I am .... convoluted-ly okay this year. I didn't have any crying fits, I didn't spaz out and kill anyone... Instead, I extended a portion of myself to help someone else.
My sister in law is having a hell of a time with the butthead she married, and for the first time in years, I reached out, and gave her something to hide behind... And I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I did so. I mean, I like her just fine, and she is one of the best friends I have... But I normally am much more closed off.
Except, we got into the discussion of having to be the bigger person. And its our parents who taught us to be the better person. Rather then it being only that, I made a hazy connection, that developed into a full fledged realization about 5 minutes ago.
I made a stark and plain decision a month or so ago, to cease speaking of a certain person to a certain Irish idiot. Said idiot has been a part of my life for 25-odd frikin years, and in the quarter of a century I have gotten used to editing things for him.
But in regards to the help I gave Tamara, I realized that while "he" might hide from the memories, and connections to the said Certain Person... I don't. I have learned to thrive from the weird and bizarre turn our friendship has taken. For Mr. Stubborn Irish ... his friend died 9 years ago. End of story.
For me... my best friend ceased being corporeal 9 years ago, and instead provides hit-and-run advice. I have vivid dreams periodically, and I hear things on the wind. And every time I try to give up on something, I am prodded, and pushed and aggravated into action action again.
It's almost as if I have come down this road far enough that my belief and my experiences allow me to see what isn't seen, and feel things that take A LOT of faith to feel.
Believe me, I have no illusions about my existence. Most people would pitch my ass in a straight jacket. But....
I like the view of the "world" I have been gifted with. It means that by having a little faith, some strength, and a healthy dose of belief, you can open doors other people have forgotten about.
I am .... convoluted-ly okay this year. I didn't have any crying fits, I didn't spaz out and kill anyone... Instead, I extended a portion of myself to help someone else.
My sister in law is having a hell of a time with the butthead she married, and for the first time in years, I reached out, and gave her something to hide behind... And I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I did so. I mean, I like her just fine, and she is one of the best friends I have... But I normally am much more closed off.
Except, we got into the discussion of having to be the bigger person. And its our parents who taught us to be the better person. Rather then it being only that, I made a hazy connection, that developed into a full fledged realization about 5 minutes ago.
I made a stark and plain decision a month or so ago, to cease speaking of a certain person to a certain Irish idiot. Said idiot has been a part of my life for 25-odd frikin years, and in the quarter of a century I have gotten used to editing things for him.
But in regards to the help I gave Tamara, I realized that while "he" might hide from the memories, and connections to the said Certain Person... I don't. I have learned to thrive from the weird and bizarre turn our friendship has taken. For Mr. Stubborn Irish ... his friend died 9 years ago. End of story.
For me... my best friend ceased being corporeal 9 years ago, and instead provides hit-and-run advice. I have vivid dreams periodically, and I hear things on the wind. And every time I try to give up on something, I am prodded, and pushed and aggravated into action action again.
It's almost as if I have come down this road far enough that my belief and my experiences allow me to see what isn't seen, and feel things that take A LOT of faith to feel.
Believe me, I have no illusions about my existence. Most people would pitch my ass in a straight jacket. But....
I like the view of the "world" I have been gifted with. It means that by having a little faith, some strength, and a healthy dose of belief, you can open doors other people have forgotten about.