POST EIGHT HUNDRED AND ELEVEN
7 questions that tell you who you are :
1. What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to pay the bills?
I would be watching lots of telly, going out with friends / arranging gatherings with the pals and trying lots of more expensive food. Wait, the question wasn't about what I would do if I had unlimited money. It only referred to bills. Right. Okay. Then, I might lead a less stressful life since money isn't the issue - I'll use the money on making myself happy instead of paying the bills.
2. What cuts you the deepest?
My past mistakes. I always look upon them with regret. I try to move on but I can't. They are the reasons why I have low self-esteem. I feel like I'm incapable of anything, especially since I can't make good (or appropriate) decisions without having someone (ONE) berate me for them.
It's my dad. I still haven't forgiven him and I want to kick him in the balls / punch him someday.
3. If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
I would spend all my time with my mum. I don't know if I will even bother to spend time with my friends. It's not because I don't love them, but it's because I love my mum too much and I think she will miss me the most because when she leaves the world later on, I will miss her the most. For the most part, I'll be crying a lot towards the end because I am an emotional mess. Then I'll feel slightly better after filming myself so that my mum can keep videos of me as memories.
4. Who do you love and why do you love them?
My family and my friends, because they are so forgiving and tolerant and love me despite all I've done.
5. What do you quote?
I try to quote smart people but I end up quoting a lot of humourous stuff, as well things concerning current issues. I like to think of myself as thoughtful and smart; trying to set myself apart. However, I do think that it's just mainly me trying to create a certain image of myself that people might like. The real me isn't always like this. The real me is broken a lot and thinks too much but is afraid to offend people. That's really me.
6. In those rare but life-changing moments, how do you act?
A lot of the life-changing moments for me deal with death. I am most afraid of dying and despite my "depression" previously, I never do think that life is to be taken by one's own hands. I just think that it's unfair. Of course, only you and you alone should have control of your life but we are individuals who have been shaped and influenced by many different people (I don't mean religiously-speaking) that we are not ourselves purely - we are an amalgamation of what we have learnt and experienced through the years. So death and suicide are close to my heart and I always think of the what-ifs that the person could have. I don't think death is a solution; there's the idea of "better off dead" but is it truly ? The end of emotional / physical pain isn't the exact end. There never is an end to things and death can stop a living being, but it cannot stop their souls nor the people related to the individual.
Okay, I don't know what I'm talking about. Most of the time I just weep and feel sad, then I cherish my life a little more even though it is a selfish thought to think how I'm lucky to escape death or how I still have a long way to go / have it easier than other people. It isn't wrong to think that way though. It isn't. If it was, most of us would be tormented by such an idea and be throwing ourselves off cliffs just to right the said wrongs.
7. What do you think about most?
Lately it's about how I wish an angmoh guy could come and convince me that he is my Mr Right and stare lovingly into my eyes. One of those perfect men that don't exist and is perfect in all aspects. Like - he won't cheat, he only loves me, he thinks I'm the best, he has no eyes for other women, he looks either exactly like Ben Whishaw or that Brazilian supermodel, etc etc etc.
I also think about my friends and whether they are experiencing any problems in their lives. I hope to be there for them. Too many suicide stories scare me. I want to be there for them and prevent their death (choychoychoy). Of course, even if they hate me after whatever I said to them, I hope that none of them would die. I don't want anyone to die young. I actually think that despite my faith in humanity not being restored thus far, I still think that there are a lot of wonderful, albeit superficial things to enjoy. I can't give up all that food I haven't eaten. Nor the clothes I could wear. Nor the music I have yet to hear. Nor the concerts I could go to and yell my lungs out. Life is just all about varied experiences that excite me - the novelty wears off but the experiences/memories are forever.
1. What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to pay the bills?
I would be watching lots of telly, going out with friends / arranging gatherings with the pals and trying lots of more expensive food. Wait, the question wasn't about what I would do if I had unlimited money. It only referred to bills. Right. Okay. Then, I might lead a less stressful life since money isn't the issue - I'll use the money on making myself happy instead of paying the bills.
2. What cuts you the deepest?
My past mistakes. I always look upon them with regret. I try to move on but I can't. They are the reasons why I have low self-esteem. I feel like I'm incapable of anything, especially since I can't make good (or appropriate) decisions without having someone (ONE) berate me for them.
It's my dad. I still haven't forgiven him and I want to kick him in the balls / punch him someday.
3. If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
I would spend all my time with my mum. I don't know if I will even bother to spend time with my friends. It's not because I don't love them, but it's because I love my mum too much and I think she will miss me the most because when she leaves the world later on, I will miss her the most. For the most part, I'll be crying a lot towards the end because I am an emotional mess. Then I'll feel slightly better after filming myself so that my mum can keep videos of me as memories.
4. Who do you love and why do you love them?
My family and my friends, because they are so forgiving and tolerant and love me despite all I've done.
5. What do you quote?
I try to quote smart people but I end up quoting a lot of humourous stuff, as well things concerning current issues. I like to think of myself as thoughtful and smart; trying to set myself apart. However, I do think that it's just mainly me trying to create a certain image of myself that people might like. The real me isn't always like this. The real me is broken a lot and thinks too much but is afraid to offend people. That's really me.
6. In those rare but life-changing moments, how do you act?
A lot of the life-changing moments for me deal with death. I am most afraid of dying and despite my "depression" previously, I never do think that life is to be taken by one's own hands. I just think that it's unfair. Of course, only you and you alone should have control of your life but we are individuals who have been shaped and influenced by many different people (I don't mean religiously-speaking) that we are not ourselves purely - we are an amalgamation of what we have learnt and experienced through the years. So death and suicide are close to my heart and I always think of the what-ifs that the person could have. I don't think death is a solution; there's the idea of "better off dead" but is it truly ? The end of emotional / physical pain isn't the exact end. There never is an end to things and death can stop a living being, but it cannot stop their souls nor the people related to the individual.
Okay, I don't know what I'm talking about. Most of the time I just weep and feel sad, then I cherish my life a little more even though it is a selfish thought to think how I'm lucky to escape death or how I still have a long way to go / have it easier than other people. It isn't wrong to think that way though. It isn't. If it was, most of us would be tormented by such an idea and be throwing ourselves off cliffs just to right the said wrongs.
7. What do you think about most?
Lately it's about how I wish an angmoh guy could come and convince me that he is my Mr Right and stare lovingly into my eyes. One of those perfect men that don't exist and is perfect in all aspects. Like - he won't cheat, he only loves me, he thinks I'm the best, he has no eyes for other women, he looks either exactly like Ben Whishaw or that Brazilian supermodel, etc etc etc.
I also think about my friends and whether they are experiencing any problems in their lives. I hope to be there for them. Too many suicide stories scare me. I want to be there for them and prevent their death (choychoychoy). Of course, even if they hate me after whatever I said to them, I hope that none of them would die. I don't want anyone to die young. I actually think that despite my faith in humanity not being restored thus far, I still think that there are a lot of wonderful, albeit superficial things to enjoy. I can't give up all that food I haven't eaten. Nor the clothes I could wear. Nor the music I have yet to hear. Nor the concerts I could go to and yell my lungs out. Life is just all about varied experiences that excite me - the novelty wears off but the experiences/memories are forever.