Birthday Blues
I'm still here.
I've been doing better. I saw a new counselor, which was awkward (face masks. And she works for the university) but also kind of nice. My psychiatrist agreed that the medicine switch-- even though it was just formulations-- may have caused the crash and switched me back. The rest of the week was better; not 100% but miles and miles past where I was Tuesday/Wednesday. Friday was fine. Saturday was weird in that it took me all day to get done what I thought I could do in a couple hours, but emotionally I was fine (if irritated.)
Today's my birthday though. And while I think it's a given that all pandemic birthdays kind of suck, it's still kind of hard. The one person I expected to see forgot/was busy. So it's been a day like any other except I thought, oh heck, let's bake a cake. But while it's not finished, it seems like it kind of sucks (too much salt, I think. I now believe I grabbed the wrong measuring spoon) and I'm not keen on the chocolate buttercream frosting I made. But we'll see what happens if/when I put it all together. (It's cooling.) I nearly set the oven on fire, though, because the batter overflowed. Oops.
I don't have a point except to say I'm still here and I'm okay-ish, but today kind of sucks. It's not Tuesday-night-I-don't-want-to-exist bad, but man, if this is what life is from here on out, what's the fucking point? I have abandoned LJ, alas. Find me, comment to me, on DW, please!
I've been doing better. I saw a new counselor, which was awkward (face masks. And she works for the university) but also kind of nice. My psychiatrist agreed that the medicine switch-- even though it was just formulations-- may have caused the crash and switched me back. The rest of the week was better; not 100% but miles and miles past where I was Tuesday/Wednesday. Friday was fine. Saturday was weird in that it took me all day to get done what I thought I could do in a couple hours, but emotionally I was fine (if irritated.)
Today's my birthday though. And while I think it's a given that all pandemic birthdays kind of suck, it's still kind of hard. The one person I expected to see forgot/was busy. So it's been a day like any other except I thought, oh heck, let's bake a cake. But while it's not finished, it seems like it kind of sucks (too much salt, I think. I now believe I grabbed the wrong measuring spoon) and I'm not keen on the chocolate buttercream frosting I made. But we'll see what happens if/when I put it all together. (It's cooling.) I nearly set the oven on fire, though, because the batter overflowed. Oops.
I don't have a point except to say I'm still here and I'm okay-ish, but today kind of sucks. It's not Tuesday-night-I-don't-want-to-exist bad, but man, if this is what life is from here on out, what's the fucking point? I have abandoned LJ, alas. Find me, comment to me, on DW, please!