awkwardness that is me.
I haven't felt right lately. I cry easily and often. When my feelings get hurt, I dwell on it and get delusional about the motivation behind it before coming to terms with the fact that I totally got worked up over nothing. But that's just the thing. Then, there, at that point in time, it's a whole lot more than nothing, and I can't help but focus on it.
My stress level is through the roof. I took some kind of famous stress test in our lecture of Stress and Coping, and a score of 300+ meant you had an 80% chance of getting a stress-related illness. Mine was 555.
When I do get stressed, I focus on something and worry about it until whatever I'm worrying about comes to pass (i.e. a test or an appointment) and then I'm completely fine. I worried myself sick about my in-laws coming down for Aaron's birthday, but when they got here I had a great time and was completely relaxed.
I have excellent grades. I've had one B on a test all semester, and that's 3 tests a week. But it seems like it's never good enough. A 92 isn't as good as a 95, which isn't as good as a 99.6, which isn't 100, and that's what I want. I think part of it's wanting to be able to waltz into the final and only have to make a 20. Part of it is me realizing how little I paid attention in my EMT class and having it come back to bite me in the butt now.
But it seems like no matter what I do I don't feel good. I'm generally not depressed, though I do hit low days around certain times of the month that have been pretty unbearable lately. I just... worry all the time. If things are going okay, it's not delusional. But it's constant. And maybe that's just the brakes of nursing school. Mom tells me that's what the majority of it all is.
She also suggested I focus on more quiet time... and I have. I try to pray and have some quality time with God everyday. But sometimes I get up and I feel like I'm just going through the motions. She said to let her know if that didn't help a lot... and I don't know if it has or not.
I think I need this semester to be over. And I need to stop working every waking moment I have. That's the way I've always been, though. I'm ALWAYS busy. I had a friend tell me once that it's just who I am and it never will change. I thought they were silly, but here I am in a full-time, you-will-have-no-social-life-whatsoever program, and I'm still working every day off I have and many times heading straight to work after I make the drive home.
Yeah, I know. It's college. That's how you survive. But it's killing me. As of about 6:30 AM on Thursday, I won't see my husband for almost 4 days. Not because he's out of town or I've got an important trip planned. Just because I signed up to work. All weekend long.
Well, I've been out of the shower an hour and haven't managed to comb my hair.
My stress level is through the roof. I took some kind of famous stress test in our lecture of Stress and Coping, and a score of 300+ meant you had an 80% chance of getting a stress-related illness. Mine was 555.
When I do get stressed, I focus on something and worry about it until whatever I'm worrying about comes to pass (i.e. a test or an appointment) and then I'm completely fine. I worried myself sick about my in-laws coming down for Aaron's birthday, but when they got here I had a great time and was completely relaxed.
I have excellent grades. I've had one B on a test all semester, and that's 3 tests a week. But it seems like it's never good enough. A 92 isn't as good as a 95, which isn't as good as a 99.6, which isn't 100, and that's what I want. I think part of it's wanting to be able to waltz into the final and only have to make a 20. Part of it is me realizing how little I paid attention in my EMT class and having it come back to bite me in the butt now.
But it seems like no matter what I do I don't feel good. I'm generally not depressed, though I do hit low days around certain times of the month that have been pretty unbearable lately. I just... worry all the time. If things are going okay, it's not delusional. But it's constant. And maybe that's just the brakes of nursing school. Mom tells me that's what the majority of it all is.
She also suggested I focus on more quiet time... and I have. I try to pray and have some quality time with God everyday. But sometimes I get up and I feel like I'm just going through the motions. She said to let her know if that didn't help a lot... and I don't know if it has or not.
I think I need this semester to be over. And I need to stop working every waking moment I have. That's the way I've always been, though. I'm ALWAYS busy. I had a friend tell me once that it's just who I am and it never will change. I thought they were silly, but here I am in a full-time, you-will-have-no-social-life-whatsoever program, and I'm still working every day off I have and many times heading straight to work after I make the drive home.
Yeah, I know. It's college. That's how you survive. But it's killing me. As of about 6:30 AM on Thursday, I won't see my husband for almost 4 days. Not because he's out of town or I've got an important trip planned. Just because I signed up to work. All weekend long.
Well, I've been out of the shower an hour and haven't managed to comb my hair.