No one will read or respond? You do not give yourself enough credit. ;-)
Reading your words reminds me in many ways of all that i have been through in the last decade-- When i was 21 i left my parents house to live on my own and make my own way. I started with three retail jobs (waldenbooks, teh avenue and filene's in the galleria) and slowly progressed towards trying to figure out what to do with my life. Working retail at first was an ends to a means, i only had an associates degree from OCCC and i had fucked up my initial chance at a four year college three years earlier. I couldn't get student aid but i did manage to get to a place where i could take a bus to school from and i got a better full time retail job in the Palisades mall and thought i could just pay as i went until i could get a loan that would let me live on campus-- but my stepmother freaked out and trashed my portfolio and in short order i had to choose between having a place to live and continuing in school. So started a series of moves and apartments and roommates and all kinds of bad things that until only recently have only sort of evened out.
The job i had before this one was selling make-up at Bloomingdale's. Imaging taking a brookstones and combining it with a Macy's-- overpriced luxury items everywhere-- and that is all anyone there could talk about; it drove me crazy, to see how many people are obsessed with trends and name brands and the couture; to see girls in their early teens wearing outfits i know could pay my rent for a month; women buying face creams more expensive than my monthly food budget-- nothing breeds hatred of humanity more than working in retail; it's glorified slavery.
I think it is important when these moments of hatred rise up over you to take deep breaths and remember that while most of the populace are unthinking trend following sheep- at least you have the wonderful circumstance of having a circle of friends who are not all shallow mindless products of society, but free thinking happy go lucky individuals- people who will listen to your woes and sympathize and empathize and do whatever they can in their own meager way to put one foot in front of the other and face the next day with you.
Life throws us many challenges, some of them are fair but many more of them are not; we are given stumbling block after stumbling block but eventually your stride develops into one that can overcome the smaller stumbles and start to take leaps towards an ultimate goal or purpose. Don't loose sight on going back to school, if you make that a force that drives you; you will surely realize it. I hope that once you get Medicaid that you'll be able to get the treatment that you need; and maybe you can find counseling or help to get work through them- there are lots of state programs to help people get an education for a job rather than relying on the state constantly; especially since you're clearly so capable.
Keep your head up and hang in there; don't let the craziness that surrounds you overwhelm you and remember that you have to be the person that you rely on and that you don't want to let yourself down. The ground will eventually become more stable beneathe your feet and someday soon things will start to turn around.
Also, i might not directly deal with Medicaid but i do know my way fairly well around the government healthcare systems and can offer you any advice or help i can. http://www.health.state.ny.us/health_care/medicaid/index.htm is the NY state Medicaid site and there is a lot of useful, if albeit really hard to get through, information. But like i said, i understand this stuff to a fair degree and am totally willing to help you in any way if i can.
hang in there and remember that you have lots of people who are rooting for you. :-)
Reading your words reminds me in many ways of all that i have been through in the last decade-- When i was 21 i left my parents house to live on my own and make my own way. I started with three retail jobs (waldenbooks, teh avenue and filene's in the galleria) and slowly progressed towards trying to figure out what to do with my life. Working retail at first was an ends to a means, i only had an associates degree from OCCC and i had fucked up my initial chance at a four year college three years earlier. I couldn't get student aid but i did manage to get to a place where i could take a bus to school from and i got a better full time retail job in the Palisades mall and thought i could just pay as i went until i could get a loan that would let me live on campus-- but my stepmother freaked out and trashed my portfolio and in short order i had to choose between having a place to live and continuing in school. So started a series of moves and apartments and roommates and all kinds of bad things that until only recently have only sort of evened out.
The job i had before this one was selling make-up at Bloomingdale's. Imaging taking a brookstones and combining it with a Macy's-- overpriced luxury items everywhere-- and that is all anyone there could talk about; it drove me crazy, to see how many people are obsessed with trends and name brands and the couture; to see girls in their early teens wearing outfits i know could pay my rent for a month; women buying face creams more expensive than my monthly food budget-- nothing breeds hatred of humanity more than working in retail; it's glorified slavery.
I think it is important when these moments of hatred rise up over you to take deep breaths and remember that while most of the populace are unthinking trend following sheep- at least you have the wonderful circumstance of having a circle of friends who are not all shallow mindless products of society, but free thinking happy go lucky individuals- people who will listen to your woes and sympathize and empathize and do whatever they can in their own meager way to put one foot in front of the other and face the next day with you.
Life throws us many challenges, some of them are fair but many more of them are not; we are given stumbling block after stumbling block but eventually your stride develops into one that can overcome the smaller stumbles and start to take leaps towards an ultimate goal or purpose. Don't loose sight on going back to school, if you make that a force that drives you; you will surely realize it. I hope that once you get Medicaid that you'll be able to get the treatment that you need; and maybe you can find counseling or help to get work through them- there are lots of state programs to help people get an education for a job rather than relying on the state constantly; especially since you're clearly so capable.
Keep your head up and hang in there; don't let the craziness that surrounds you overwhelm you and remember that you have to be the person that you rely on and that you don't want to let yourself down. The ground will eventually become more stable beneathe your feet and someday soon things will start to turn around.
Also, i might not directly deal with Medicaid but i do know my way fairly well around the government healthcare systems and can offer you any advice or help i can. http://www.health.state.ny.us/health_care/medicaid/index.htm is the NY state Medicaid site and there is a lot of useful, if albeit really hard to get through, information. But like i said, i understand this stuff to a fair degree and am totally willing to help you in any way if i can.
hang in there and remember that you have lots of people who are rooting for you. :-)
Reply
Leave a comment