Anger Management Issues
So, I guess all I'm saying is, if you decide to drive behind me, and if you then decide to drive faster than me (which, considering the speed of my lead foot, is probably a bad decision in the first place), you probably shouldn't tailgate me while I pass a string of cars. The minute I can no longer see your headlights in my rearview mirrors, my brain sends off "must kill everyone around me" signals to my right foot, and I slam on the brakes like I've spotted a suicidal dinosaur crossing the road. My heart rate goes up, your heart rate goes up, my night is ruined, and your pants need dry cleaning. There are laws about you keeping you distance for safety reasons. Just because you're a dick, doesn't mean a 5-foot-tall total idiot won't school you in why we have those laws.
...although I can guaranTEE I won't be slamming the brakes that hard ever again in order to school one of you jerks. I thought you were a gonner, and the car next to you, which, man, I would have felt so guilty about that car next to you. Probably full of old ladies and babies, too. Your decision to tailgate could have driven me to either finding Jesus or drinking away the rest of my life. Dick.
In conclusion, I've learned a very valuable lesson, and in the future, I plan to use the scare tactic of lightly tapping my brakes instead of slamming them on. After all, you won't know whether I'm slamming them or tapping them until you've already had a fear response, and you'll probably catch on just as quick. And then I won't feel guilty about a car full of old ladies and babies that I may or may not have put in extreme jeopardy.
...dick.
...although I can guaranTEE I won't be slamming the brakes that hard ever again in order to school one of you jerks. I thought you were a gonner, and the car next to you, which, man, I would have felt so guilty about that car next to you. Probably full of old ladies and babies, too. Your decision to tailgate could have driven me to either finding Jesus or drinking away the rest of my life. Dick.
In conclusion, I've learned a very valuable lesson, and in the future, I plan to use the scare tactic of lightly tapping my brakes instead of slamming them on. After all, you won't know whether I'm slamming them or tapping them until you've already had a fear response, and you'll probably catch on just as quick. And then I won't feel guilty about a car full of old ladies and babies that I may or may not have put in extreme jeopardy.
...dick.