aftermath
the moon is exceptionally bright today. it is nights like this that people like me find solace in, for the moon seems to understand; she seems to be content just to be with you along your journey.
it is 5.10, and i got home just under half an hour ago. i almost couldn't get home, and as i sat down to write in my diary at the jetty, the tears just came fast. so much for being a brave, independent girl. in the end, i'm just the same as everyone else. yesterday's diary entry was exceptionally long, much of it being an incomprehensible, overly emotional mess of words just scribbled in as soon as they came to mind. it's been a long weekend of sorts, travelling across states, meeting people you half-expect to meet, finding out i'm still a kid struggling to grow up. it's bad being a kid, but it's worse being an adult without responsibility.
malaysia. an auntie i met today told me that i have an affinity with malaysia. i smiled, and politely disagreed. i'm living in a place i'll never call home. when my maternal relatives asked me if i was "going back to kl" for the annual cny reunion dinner, i would nod and say "i'm going, not going back". i wasn't born here, i didn't live here, i don't consider myself to be malaysian. it's funny how life deals you cards which more often than not, turn out to be jokers. so maybe she's right. from father to daughter, we've come full circle.
i'm tired, and don't really know what this entry is about.
it is 5.10, and i got home just under half an hour ago. i almost couldn't get home, and as i sat down to write in my diary at the jetty, the tears just came fast. so much for being a brave, independent girl. in the end, i'm just the same as everyone else. yesterday's diary entry was exceptionally long, much of it being an incomprehensible, overly emotional mess of words just scribbled in as soon as they came to mind. it's been a long weekend of sorts, travelling across states, meeting people you half-expect to meet, finding out i'm still a kid struggling to grow up. it's bad being a kid, but it's worse being an adult without responsibility.
malaysia. an auntie i met today told me that i have an affinity with malaysia. i smiled, and politely disagreed. i'm living in a place i'll never call home. when my maternal relatives asked me if i was "going back to kl" for the annual cny reunion dinner, i would nod and say "i'm going, not going back". i wasn't born here, i didn't live here, i don't consider myself to be malaysian. it's funny how life deals you cards which more often than not, turn out to be jokers. so maybe she's right. from father to daughter, we've come full circle.
i'm tired, and don't really know what this entry is about.