Hi there, Random Stranger.... o_O
Soooooooooooooo. I am going to start this by totally blaming the whole thing on my husband. If he didn't love to "surprise" me so much, I would never have answered the door, and this whole evening would have just gone the way of other random weirdness that happens on a military post.
So as the cut says, I was sitting here, minding my own business, doing some picking up around the house, and suddenly... The doorbell rang.
I glanced at the clock, saw it was 11:24pm (okay, so not QUITE 11:30...), and shared a "was that the tv or OUR doorbell" look with the dog[1]. And then it hit me.
OMG, it's the demon daddy! He's come home early from deployment! *me: SQUEE and OH SHIT THE HOUSE ISN'T READY! in equal parts*
I rush to the door and throw it open and... it's not the demon daddy. And I was stupid enough to answer the door without turning on the outside lights[2] and without checking through the side window to verify that it WAS the demon daddy.
Instead, there is a person standing there in a hoodie, with long hair in braids, and I'm night-blind due to having been in a well-lit house. It could have been a 14-15ish teenaged boy (before voice change) or a 18-22 year old woman. I have NO IDEA. I am a HORRIBLE WITNESS, y/y???
Person: "Can I borrow a lighter?"
Me: *after making appropriate o_O faces* "I'm sorry, I don't have one. I don't smoke."
Person: "Oh, I don't need it for smoking."
Me: *thinking: and that makes HOW MUCH DIFFERENCE to whether or not *I* possess a lighter?* Erm, sorry, no.
Sugar (my dog): *finally figures out the doorbell rang... yeah, she's a MENSA candidate, that one* Grr, bark bark bark, gonna rip your head off and feast on your entrails, grr, bark bark.
Person: *sees Sugar and leaves*
Me: WTF???
So of course, the first thing I did was sit down, pick up the computer and make random flaily symbols indicating my very WTF reaction to that whole scene with
r_grayjoy (because Sugar isn't the only MENSA candidate in this house, obviously).
Ro: Dude, call the cops.
Now, in my defense, I came to that conclusion like .5 seconds before it showed up on my YIM screen. But I was already talking myself out of it because a) I don't want to bother the cops (omg, what the fuck is wrong with me?!) and b) what if that person really did just want a fucking lighter?
However, Ro's good sense won out and I called the non-emergency number for the Military Police and then called all my neighbors. My neighbors were not pissed off at me for calling them (YES, I HAVE ISSUES! LET ME SHOW YOU THEM!) and were even very worried for me and my safety. *sniffle* *is loved*
And that's when...
...the MP's arrived. OMG. THEY WERE SO FUCKING CUTE, I CAN'T STAND IT. Like, I can look at them as a thirty*cough*smthng woman and want to pinch their cheeks right off their faces because gah, so cute. Tall and cute.
With pinchable cheeks. (And not just the ones on their faces. *wink wink*)
So they talked to me for a minute in the freezing ass outside freezingness (I was not wearing a coat because I saw them coming and wanted to prevent another doorbell ring now that Sugar was alert enough to do the "eat your face" reaction, which would totally wake the demon boys), figured out quickly what a horrible witness I am, figured out that I could be RAPED ON MY FRONT STEP IF THERE'S ANY REMOTE POSSIBILITY THAT MY HUSBAND COULD POSSIBLY BE TRYING TO SURPRISE ME[4]. And they were utterly adorable. Did I mention?
And then I went inside and finished making the good-neighbor phone calls and congratulated myself for being a grown-up and doing the right thing and possibly preventing a TERRORIST ATTACK OR SOMETHING OMG. (Okay, probably not. Very highly unlikely, but still!)
And the doorbell rang again. *face palm*
Sugar went nuts, I remembered to turn on the outside light and look through the side window[2], and then I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the MP car still on the street outside my house.
Cute MP#2, who was wearing a ski cap (not a mask, but just the part that fits over your hair, basically?)--and seriously, how is this SUCH A CUTE LOOK OMG?!--had come back to take down my information. And then... I showed my absolute ignorance at being an Army wife. *sigh*
MP2: (Gets basic information) What unit is your husband with?
Me: (Is very positive about this answer. I know this shit!)
MP2: What building is that located in?
Me: .........uh. I.... uh. I think it's at the intersection of (street) and (street)? I'm not sure. *rushes to fill in awkward silence before it has a chance to ACTUALLY APPEAR* The entire time he's been in the unit, he's been deployed!! I'm really not as stupid as I sound!! (much)
MP2: He's deployed? Where to?
Me: (deployment zone)
MP2: Which FOB? (Forward Operating Base)
Me: *ACES THIS ONE! THIS IS MORE SHIT I KNOW!!*
MP2: Where's that? [5]
Me: ..........uh. Somewhere in (deployment zone)???
MP2: *is biting lips at this point not to laugh at me*
Me: Yes, I fail at being an Army wife. It's not my fault. Blame this one on my daddy. He's retired Navy.
MP2: My condolences.
(VL, he was too cute to hurt. WAY too cute.)
So then we finished up and he left again and I came inside to do more flailing at Ro and grabbed my laptop and... omg. Ahahaha.
THANK YOU BABY CEILING!CATS FOR MAKING ME GRACELESS ENOUGH TO FORGET ALL MY MANNERS AND THE WHOLE "YOU SHOULD INVITE THESE NICE YOUNG (AND OMG SO CUTE) MPS INTO YOUR HOUSE FOR A CUP OF HOT COCOA"...
Because at some point I'd been scrolling through my flist and I apparently stopped scrolling right at the point where this picture was in the middle of my laptop monitor:
Which of course sparked the following conversation with Ro:
Eeyore9990: If you can't see it? It's a (obviously naked) dude, with a "ghost" hankie over his erect cock
rgrayjoy: Not that bad. Silly, but could be WAY worse. (she's totally laughing at me here, jsyk)
Eeyore9990: true!
Eeyore9990: in this fandom?
Eeyore9990: VERY true
Eeyore9990: shit, it could have been something *I* did
At which point I decided this needed to be recorded for posterity. Or something.
So anyway (and to sum up), there are now two completely squishable young MPs patrolling my neighborhood because some random stranger wanted a lighter at 11:(almost)30 pm. From me. o_O
[1] Sugar, the dog of utter friendliness, is half-pitbull/half-collie, but basically looks like a pit with a smaller head. Normally when the doorbell rings, she likes to charge the door and make noises that would lead someone to think she's going to rip their heads off and feast on their entrails. Those noises actually mean, "If you get in my house and don't pet my belly, I will totally jump on you and lick you all over with my nasty doggy breath until you DO pet my belly." So you can imagine just how out of the ordinary it is for someone to ring our doorbell this late at night that she actually just looked at me like she couldn't figure out what that noise was.
[2] Not that this would truly matter, since when the cute MP in the ski cap came back later to take my information, I DID turn on the light and still couldn't tell who/what was ringing my doorbell.
[3] We live on a street that curves on one end and slopes downhill such that if anything happened on our end (the curved, downward sloping end) the people on the other end wouldn't know until they had traffic issues going to work the next morning. We, the last eight houses, (the red-headed step-children of WWII Battle Drive, if you will) are really in a bad spot for security purposes.
[4] Because he has totally done this in the past and that is why THE WHOLE INCIDENT IS ALL HIS FAULT. Not mine.
[5] Hubby is actually not on an Army FOB. He's roughing it with the Marines, whee.
This entry was originally posted at http://eeyore9990.dreamwidth.org/252739.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
So as the cut says, I was sitting here, minding my own business, doing some picking up around the house, and suddenly... The doorbell rang.
I glanced at the clock, saw it was 11:24pm (okay, so not QUITE 11:30...), and shared a "was that the tv or OUR doorbell" look with the dog[1]. And then it hit me.
OMG, it's the demon daddy! He's come home early from deployment! *me: SQUEE and OH SHIT THE HOUSE ISN'T READY! in equal parts*
I rush to the door and throw it open and... it's not the demon daddy. And I was stupid enough to answer the door without turning on the outside lights[2] and without checking through the side window to verify that it WAS the demon daddy.
Instead, there is a person standing there in a hoodie, with long hair in braids, and I'm night-blind due to having been in a well-lit house. It could have been a 14-15ish teenaged boy (before voice change) or a 18-22 year old woman. I have NO IDEA. I am a HORRIBLE WITNESS, y/y???
Person: "Can I borrow a lighter?"
Me: *after making appropriate o_O faces* "I'm sorry, I don't have one. I don't smoke."
Person: "Oh, I don't need it for smoking."
Me: *thinking: and that makes HOW MUCH DIFFERENCE to whether or not *I* possess a lighter?* Erm, sorry, no.
Sugar (my dog): *finally figures out the doorbell rang... yeah, she's a MENSA candidate, that one* Grr, bark bark bark, gonna rip your head off and feast on your entrails, grr, bark bark.
Person: *sees Sugar and leaves*
Me: WTF???
So of course, the first thing I did was sit down, pick up the computer and make random flaily symbols indicating my very WTF reaction to that whole scene with
r_grayjoy (because Sugar isn't the only MENSA candidate in this house, obviously).
Ro: Dude, call the cops.
Now, in my defense, I came to that conclusion like .5 seconds before it showed up on my YIM screen. But I was already talking myself out of it because a) I don't want to bother the cops (omg, what the fuck is wrong with me?!) and b) what if that person really did just want a fucking lighter?
However, Ro's good sense won out and I called the non-emergency number for the Military Police and then called all my neighbors. My neighbors were not pissed off at me for calling them (YES, I HAVE ISSUES! LET ME SHOW YOU THEM!) and were even very worried for me and my safety. *sniffle* *is loved*
And that's when...
...the MP's arrived. OMG. THEY WERE SO FUCKING CUTE, I CAN'T STAND IT. Like, I can look at them as a thirty*cough*smthng woman and want to pinch their cheeks right off their faces because gah, so cute. Tall and cute.
With pinchable cheeks. (And not just the ones on their faces. *wink wink*)
So they talked to me for a minute in the freezing ass outside freezingness (I was not wearing a coat because I saw them coming and wanted to prevent another doorbell ring now that Sugar was alert enough to do the "eat your face" reaction, which would totally wake the demon boys), figured out quickly what a horrible witness I am, figured out that I could be RAPED ON MY FRONT STEP IF THERE'S ANY REMOTE POSSIBILITY THAT MY HUSBAND COULD POSSIBLY BE TRYING TO SURPRISE ME[4]. And they were utterly adorable. Did I mention?
And then I went inside and finished making the good-neighbor phone calls and congratulated myself for being a grown-up and doing the right thing and possibly preventing a TERRORIST ATTACK OR SOMETHING OMG. (Okay, probably not. Very highly unlikely, but still!)
And the doorbell rang again. *face palm*
Sugar went nuts, I remembered to turn on the outside light and look through the side window[2], and then I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the MP car still on the street outside my house.
Cute MP#2, who was wearing a ski cap (not a mask, but just the part that fits over your hair, basically?)--and seriously, how is this SUCH A CUTE LOOK OMG?!--had come back to take down my information. And then... I showed my absolute ignorance at being an Army wife. *sigh*
MP2: (Gets basic information) What unit is your husband with?
Me: (Is very positive about this answer. I know this shit!)
MP2: What building is that located in?
Me: .........uh. I.... uh. I think it's at the intersection of (street) and (street)? I'm not sure. *rushes to fill in awkward silence before it has a chance to ACTUALLY APPEAR* The entire time he's been in the unit, he's been deployed!! I'm really not as stupid as I sound!! (much)
MP2: He's deployed? Where to?
Me: (deployment zone)
MP2: Which FOB? (Forward Operating Base)
Me: *ACES THIS ONE! THIS IS MORE SHIT I KNOW!!*
MP2: Where's that? [5]
Me: ..........uh. Somewhere in (deployment zone)???
MP2: *is biting lips at this point not to laugh at me*
Me: Yes, I fail at being an Army wife. It's not my fault. Blame this one on my daddy. He's retired Navy.
MP2: My condolences.
(VL, he was too cute to hurt. WAY too cute.)
So then we finished up and he left again and I came inside to do more flailing at Ro and grabbed my laptop and... omg. Ahahaha.
THANK YOU BABY CEILING!CATS FOR MAKING ME GRACELESS ENOUGH TO FORGET ALL MY MANNERS AND THE WHOLE "YOU SHOULD INVITE THESE NICE YOUNG (AND OMG SO CUTE) MPS INTO YOUR HOUSE FOR A CUP OF HOT COCOA"...
Because at some point I'd been scrolling through my flist and I apparently stopped scrolling right at the point where this picture was in the middle of my laptop monitor:
Which of course sparked the following conversation with Ro:
Eeyore9990: If you can't see it? It's a (obviously naked) dude, with a "ghost" hankie over his erect cock
rgrayjoy: Not that bad. Silly, but could be WAY worse. (she's totally laughing at me here, jsyk)
Eeyore9990: true!
Eeyore9990: in this fandom?
Eeyore9990: VERY true
Eeyore9990: shit, it could have been something *I* did
At which point I decided this needed to be recorded for posterity. Or something.
So anyway (and to sum up), there are now two completely squishable young MPs patrolling my neighborhood because some random stranger wanted a lighter at 11:(almost)30 pm. From me. o_O
[1] Sugar, the dog of utter friendliness, is half-pitbull/half-collie, but basically looks like a pit with a smaller head. Normally when the doorbell rings, she likes to charge the door and make noises that would lead someone to think she's going to rip their heads off and feast on their entrails. Those noises actually mean, "If you get in my house and don't pet my belly, I will totally jump on you and lick you all over with my nasty doggy breath until you DO pet my belly." So you can imagine just how out of the ordinary it is for someone to ring our doorbell this late at night that she actually just looked at me like she couldn't figure out what that noise was.
[2] Not that this would truly matter, since when the cute MP in the ski cap came back later to take my information, I DID turn on the light and still couldn't tell who/what was ringing my doorbell.
[3] We live on a street that curves on one end and slopes downhill such that if anything happened on our end (the curved, downward sloping end) the people on the other end wouldn't know until they had traffic issues going to work the next morning. We, the last eight houses, (the red-headed step-children of WWII Battle Drive, if you will) are really in a bad spot for security purposes.
[4] Because he has totally done this in the past and that is why THE WHOLE INCIDENT IS ALL HIS FAULT. Not mine.
[5] Hubby is actually not on an Army FOB. He's roughing it with the Marines, whee.
This entry was originally posted at http://eeyore9990.dreamwidth.org/252739.html. Please comment there using OpenID.