(no subject)
What do you do with a BA in English?
What is my life going to be?
I can't pay the bills yet,
'Cause I have no skills yet.
It sucks to be me.
It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning 33.
It sucks to be me!
Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?
It sucks to be me!
If you were queer,
I'd still be here,
Year after year,
Because you're dear to me!
If you were gay,
I'd shout, "Hooray!"
And here I'd stay,
But I wouldn't get in your way!
The Internet is for Porn,
The Internet is for Porn,
Why you think the net was born?
Porn, Porn, Porn!
The Internet is for Porn,
The Internet is for Porn,
Grab your dick and double-click
For Porn, Porn, Porn!
Who painted the kitten?
I know, put my earmuffs on the cookie.
Oh, I wish you could meet my girlfriend,
My girlfriend who lives in Canada!
She couldn't be sweeter,
I wish you could meet her,
My girlfriend who lives in Canada!
Her name is Alberta,
She lives in Vancouver,
She cooks like my mother and sucks like a Hoover!
There's a fine, fine line
Between a lover and a friend.
There's a fine, fine line
Between a Fairy Tale, and a lie.
And there's a fine, fine line
Between "you're wonderful!" and "goodbye"
I guess if someone doesn't love you back,
It isn't such a crime
But there's a fine, fine line
Between love and a waste of your time.
And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know
What you're looking for!
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door,
And walk away.
You gotta go after the things you want
While you're still in your Prime!
There is life outside your apartment!
I know it's hard to conceive.
But there's life outside your apartment,
And you're only gonna see it if you leave.
There is cool shit to do,
But it can't come to you
And who knows, dude, you might even score!
There is life outside your apartment
But you got to open the door!
The more you ruv someone
The more he make you crazy
Sometime you look at him
And only see fat and lazy
And wanting baseball bat for hitting him on his head!
That's schadenfreude!
People taking pleasure in your pain.
Watching a vegetarian
Being told she just ate chicken!
Or watching a frat boy realize
Just what he put his dick in!
I wish I could go back to college
Life was so simple back then.
I wish I could go back to college
In college, you know who you are
You sit in the quad, and think
Oh my God, I am totally gonna go far!
How do I go back to college?
I don't know who I am anymore!
I need an Academic Advisor
To point the way!
We could be
Sitting in the computer lab
4am before the final paper is due
Cursing the world 'cause I didn't start sooner,
And seeing the rest of the class there, too!
Everyone's a little bit,
Unsatisfied
Everyone goes round a little,
Empty inside.
Take a breath,
Look around,
Swallow your pride
For now.
For now.
But only for now!
Only for now!
And we'll accept the things
We cannot avoid
For now.
For now.
But only for now!
Sex!
Is only for now.
Your hair!
Is only for now.
George Bush!
Is only for now!!!
Don't stress,
Relax,
Let life roll off your backs,
Except for death and paying taxes
Everything in life . . .
Is only for now!
Yeah, I'll be screaming that line about Dubya when I see it in the theater, that's for sure. I would've given both my breasts to see the look on Bill Clinton's face when the puppets of Avenue Q sang that to him, Hilary, and Chelsea. According to the website, they were in the audience a few weeks ago.
I love this musical because its songs are my songs. There's this thing that happened with my generation . . . and if you never went to college or managed to get a good job right after college, maybe you won't understand what it is. See, we were told by our parents all our life that we'd be going to college. Even though we were middle-to-late adolescents by the time we graduated high school, well capable of making our own decisions about our lives, we still dutifully wrote the essays and filled out the countless applications, because not going to college was one of those things that the dumb dropouts did, not us smart children-of-yuppies. Our parents filled us with the expectations that were true for their generation: with a college degree in our hands, we would be eagerly embraced by employers. We'd get the fun, interesting, high-paying jobs, while those dumb dropouts became janitors and such.
Our parents didn't particularly dissuade us from choosing majors with little to no practical application in the real world. Like, for instance, Women's Studies. Or, like the protagonist of Avenue Q, English. College was a place to grow up, grow out, develop our minds. And when we left, those employers would grab us up.
We left, proud as peacocks, smarter than foxes, and strode into the workforce in the late 90's. The economy was booming! Jobs were everywhere! Some of us got them, just like our parents said we would. Most of us, definitely including me, struggled. Noone seemed to care that I had a BA, even if I had a minor in the almost-practical Psychology! We despaired. We drifted. We got jobs far below our abilities and intelligence, and we succumbed to anxiety attacks, worried that we really were as dumb and useless as employers seemed to think.
The economy tanked, and those who had initially gotten the shiny jobs joined us as underemployed, drifting, lost people. As we entered our late twenties, we caught our breath. We learned to relax, keep our wits about us during our lame jobs, vent on the internet when we could, and make plans in our precious free time for returning to grad school. For completing that film we had started just after graduating. For becoming that whatever-it-was that we had seen ourselves being when we were bright-eyed college students. I'm firmly on that path, grim as my family's current finances are. It gives me hope. I'm going to finish my portfolio this year, and I'm going to grad school to be an Animator. And if that doesn't lead to a more interesting career than Office Assistant, I can always try to become a rave promoter, party planner, or Madam. But I'll do so with another degree in my pocket, and that will make me proud of myself.
I don't regret one moment of college. It did so much to make me what I am. I went off on a friend recently because he dissed college for what I considered incorrect reasons, but I guess I'll let that go. Maybe not all colleges are as wonderful as Purchase. Maybe there are places that force you to do rote memorization and such. I'm so grateful for everything Purchase gave me: most importantly, confidence and faith in myself. I didn't have a lot of that in high school, but the reasons I'm brimming with it tonight can easily be traced back to Purchase. That's why I go back there every Spring, to hug the Elephant Tree, revisit old memories, and say thanks to the place. Those of you still in college, enjoy the fuck out of it. Magic can happen there; magic that can't be replicated in the Outside World. Have fun.