To Thee I Wed
An acquaintance of mine got married last weekend. I do not feel snubbed by my lack of invitation, but it is odd to watch a bunch of friends post merrily about an event that you can't attend. I have conflicting feelings about weddings. I spent the last few years repeating this whine: "I haven't been invited to a wedding in over a decade, and I may not ever be invited to one again!"
While this statement is true, and certainly can be taken as a measure of how tucked away from my social world I am, I've come to realize two things. One, 'ever again' is emo nonsense. I don't know what the future holds, I don't know if I'll strike up new friendships with young people or be invited to any weddings my niece or nephews might have. (Or hell, the likes of Mikal might want to wed, some twenty or thirty years from now.) Two, and this is a very good thing to keep in mind: I don't know many traditional types, the sorts that would want to have big ceremonies to give their longstanding love some paperwork. Those that I do know, for the most part, are already married.
It's pretty silly for me to have this intense longing to attend weddings. My own was closed off to all but our two witnesses/lovers. I still remember so clearly, that conversation with an older friend that led to Coyote and I sneaking off to the Providence city hall. "I want to marry him, but it seems so unfair! A wedding in either side of the world would make it impossible for important folks from one side or another to come, we'll have to wait until we can afford plane tickets for them," I said.
She laughed gently. "Just go get married, so you can stop fretting about extending the visitor visa. You can have a big party with everybody, some years down the line."
It's a good plan. I've since heard an even cooler one: I know an American who married a Dane, and they did a wedding in her hometown followed shortly by a wedding in his.
But years have gone by, and the party-in-Italy I dreamed of has been deferred indefinitely. Honestly, other than when people announce anniversaries on FaceBook, I don't think about them. Maybe that was a thing the older generation did, but I'd feel silly throwing a big 20th anniversary party. It didn't even occur to me.
I guess . . . I wish I could do some festive event, where I'm kind of the focus. And friends are all around, eating yummy food and maybe dancing to fun music. Maybe someday, I'll have a big enough place for proper dinner parties, or just plain parties. Maybe I should do a restaurant/Dave & Buster's thing again this year. Or a picnic party, if we catch a warm weekend for my 40th-and-a-quarter?
I know part of this itch is a petulant kid, crying out, "No fair!" There's this other guy, and he's been a crucial part of my life for two years. I adore him. I want him around for ever. I want him living with me and Coyote, in a house with our five cats and three bunnies and a Dalmatian and a Golden Retriever and a big-ass boa and lots of ratsies and mice and a horsie and a donkey in the small barn out back. I want him part of me, and I so wish I could have a ceremony that celebrates the intertwining of his path with ours.
Polygamy's illegal.
Some of the opponents of marriage equality cried out, "What's next? Marrying pets? Marrying inanimate objects? Marrying more than one person?!?" The horror.
I know, I could have a ceremony of my own- I have friends doing that, shortly. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if an Episcopalian deacon or rector would be happy to do a small ceremony, as long as no legal paperwork is signed. It's a good thought, there are tons of gay couples who did public or private "commitment ceremonies" before they were legally allowed to wed.
I just wish I could give Tiger the real thing, y'know?
And I wish I could stuff myself silly with fancy food, and dance and laugh and feel fully alive. Oh, well. I may not have been to many weddings in my life, but they've all been awesome. I even got to be a groomsperson for my brother, in a tux and everything! And then there was that one which served as a college reunion, of sorts. We had a blast, dancing to every English techno song the teenaged Polish DJ played! Ooo, and the Renn Faire one, with a real maypole. Like with everything else, I'll take quality over quantity every time. :)
While this statement is true, and certainly can be taken as a measure of how tucked away from my social world I am, I've come to realize two things. One, 'ever again' is emo nonsense. I don't know what the future holds, I don't know if I'll strike up new friendships with young people or be invited to any weddings my niece or nephews might have. (Or hell, the likes of Mikal might want to wed, some twenty or thirty years from now.) Two, and this is a very good thing to keep in mind: I don't know many traditional types, the sorts that would want to have big ceremonies to give their longstanding love some paperwork. Those that I do know, for the most part, are already married.
It's pretty silly for me to have this intense longing to attend weddings. My own was closed off to all but our two witnesses/lovers. I still remember so clearly, that conversation with an older friend that led to Coyote and I sneaking off to the Providence city hall. "I want to marry him, but it seems so unfair! A wedding in either side of the world would make it impossible for important folks from one side or another to come, we'll have to wait until we can afford plane tickets for them," I said.
She laughed gently. "Just go get married, so you can stop fretting about extending the visitor visa. You can have a big party with everybody, some years down the line."
It's a good plan. I've since heard an even cooler one: I know an American who married a Dane, and they did a wedding in her hometown followed shortly by a wedding in his.
But years have gone by, and the party-in-Italy I dreamed of has been deferred indefinitely. Honestly, other than when people announce anniversaries on FaceBook, I don't think about them. Maybe that was a thing the older generation did, but I'd feel silly throwing a big 20th anniversary party. It didn't even occur to me.
I guess . . . I wish I could do some festive event, where I'm kind of the focus. And friends are all around, eating yummy food and maybe dancing to fun music. Maybe someday, I'll have a big enough place for proper dinner parties, or just plain parties. Maybe I should do a restaurant/Dave & Buster's thing again this year. Or a picnic party, if we catch a warm weekend for my 40th-and-a-quarter?
I know part of this itch is a petulant kid, crying out, "No fair!" There's this other guy, and he's been a crucial part of my life for two years. I adore him. I want him around for ever. I want him living with me and Coyote, in a house with our five cats and three bunnies and a Dalmatian and a Golden Retriever and a big-ass boa and lots of ratsies and mice and a horsie and a donkey in the small barn out back. I want him part of me, and I so wish I could have a ceremony that celebrates the intertwining of his path with ours.
Polygamy's illegal.
Some of the opponents of marriage equality cried out, "What's next? Marrying pets? Marrying inanimate objects? Marrying more than one person?!?" The horror.
I know, I could have a ceremony of my own- I have friends doing that, shortly. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if an Episcopalian deacon or rector would be happy to do a small ceremony, as long as no legal paperwork is signed. It's a good thought, there are tons of gay couples who did public or private "commitment ceremonies" before they were legally allowed to wed.
I just wish I could give Tiger the real thing, y'know?
And I wish I could stuff myself silly with fancy food, and dance and laugh and feel fully alive. Oh, well. I may not have been to many weddings in my life, but they've all been awesome. I even got to be a groomsperson for my brother, in a tux and everything! And then there was that one which served as a college reunion, of sorts. We had a blast, dancing to every English techno song the teenaged Polish DJ played! Ooo, and the Renn Faire one, with a real maypole. Like with everything else, I'll take quality over quantity every time. :)