(no subject)
Det är snö. Il neige. It's snowing.
For the first time I can remember, I am just a little less than thrilled to see it. Oh, I'm happy anyways. It's pretty and it's thick, there's quite a lot that's stuck to the ground already and it looks like there'll be a lot more to come.
But I've spent so much of the past few days being so cold. I've spent so much of the past few weeks being sniffly because of the cold or the swarms of low-pressure fronts or both, and today was supposed to be a relatively warm 40-degree day, with rain. No mention of snow.
Oh well. I still won't bitch. Snow is my favorite type of weather. And the kids who live below me will be especially delighted, their snow-slide and snowman and "igloo" (a mound of snow that daddy had shovelled a deep hole in) were all looking rather small and pathetic yesterday. Now they'll be pumped back up. If it's sticky snow, I may build a more traditional style snowman in the backyard, since the front is pretty clearly their domain. Or a snowbunny, or some other snow-sculpture.
But it's the 10th day of 2014, and I haven't talked about Christmas yet. Oh, there's a further-back story or three to tell as well, but Christmas first.
I have not yet started the present for Tiger, nor any for Coyote (who just wants something for his birthday) or Rude (who shrugs and says 'presents aren't important', like he always does). Tiger's cool with me delaying his intended present for, ah. Something we more pressingly need, a strap-on harness. I'm going to make it out of fabric and ribbons, but it oughtta be sturdy enough to use until my leatherworking skills are up to the task.
I did, however, finish the tree. It isn't the prettiest of things, but it came out nice, and it's definitely reusable. Sitting in the closet now, as a matter of fact, waiting for next year. And I've already marked my calendar in early November to sew some stockings, since I wanna have them next year and I'd rather make my own then just decorate cheap ones from CVS.
The best part was definitely hanging the ornaments, same as with any other tree. I had five that I'd made with the kids of St. Martin's Episcopal Church a few weeks before, one snowman and four gingerbread people. I made a girl who represented me in her cute dress and sparkly two-toned scarf and top hat, and then one for each of my men. Coyote's is the only one with a nose, and cross-eyed and has a scarf, to keep him warm. Rude's wears a top hat with a sparkly red hat-band, as he's always so well-dressed. And his eyes are pointing straight up, 'cause he's always rolling his eyes at me. Tiger's is a bit of a mess, he's got stray sparkles on him and his eyes are pointing two different directions, 'cause he's the goofiest. But he's in a bowtie, 'cause he also likes dressing sharply.
I've put pictures up on FaceBook, one baby step closer to declaring my love for these three amazing men. And not just in the platonic way, dammit!
I hate that FB would force me to "break off" my existing relationship with Coyote in order to be able to declare being in a relationship with Tiger. And it's not an Open Relationship, for fuck's sake! It's quite closed. I'm only comfortable with Coyote getting a girlfriend, though I'm sure I would be okay with Rude getting a girlfriend, or a local sub, or both. I completely understand needing someone right nearby to scratch certain itches.
Anyways, back to Christmas.
I spent a lot of time right before the 25th itself thinking about the last time I had folks to spend warm fuzzy time with, that time of year. It was back in 2K2 or 2K3, when I had Winter Solstice with my first poly quad, Aaron and Nancy. I very simply decorated a potted fir tree with ribbons and we opened our presents to each other under it. It was so simple, and yet it was everything I'd expected winter holidays to be.
So for over a decade, I felt a hollow ache. I tried very hard to make the most of the Underwater Canoe Christmas Party with its Yankee Swap, because that is a lovely time. But Yankee Swaps are so fucking unpredictable. I got a decent present the first year, got a fabulous present stolen from me the second and didn't take home anything (I participated in Secret Santa that year, too, and the guy who got me gave me something I was allergic to. When I told him, instead of offering to get me something else or telling me where he got it so I could exchange it, he laughed in my face. Haven't managed to drum up any enthusiasm for the Secret Santa since.) Last year, I managed to unwrap a fucking scented candle that of course I was also allergic to, but a friend traded with me on the sly and I ended up with Play-Doh, far better. And just a few weeks ago, I took home a T-shirt in my size which is meant for someone geeky who likes beer, but eh, I'm low on non-stained T-shirts. But I also got an insulated lunch box that has quite decent iPod speakers built-in, and that I've actually been using. It's become the standard kitchen music source, you can just plop it on top of the fridge and it's not in the way. It'll also be excellent for taking on outdoor adventures, of course.
The point is, the only thing you can count on about a Yankee Swap is that you'll be unwrapping, and perhaps taking home, something you don't expect. Sometimes you do get to be the one that keeps something amazing, but usually that's only the people who draw the last few numbers. Most of the time, you'll either get something okay or something pretty crappy. It's disappointing how many people bring random crap to that Yankee Swap, like the CSI computer game that poor Tiger unwrapped a few weeks ago, and left behind. I'm sorry the snow kept silentstephi and her hubby home, they always bring something that's very appreciated by everyone. One year it was a Tardis cookie jar that even I tried to snag! Of course I didn't keep it.
So, it's a fun thing, but if you're leaning on it to be your main source of fuzzy warm happy holiday feelings, it's not so great. Maybe I will risk Secret Santa again, if I can make peace with the fact that I might be given something I'm allergic to again, and that I might get tied to one of the few LARP people I simply don't care for.
I had fantasies of spending my Christmas night saying sappy things to Tiger and Coyote, and Rude if he was up and on Skype that late. And of course, I knew how I was spending my Christmas Eve, I'd be singing in the "midnight minus two" mass for St. Martin's with nobody I know well in the audience.
Well, both of those were wrong.
On Christmas Eve, I heard the bells for the early service and had a very brief moment of panic. "Oh shit, am I supposed to be over there and in my penguin costume already???" I stared at the time in the upper right hand corner of my laptop screen until I was sure that it really said 4:45, then relaxed.
By 9:45, I was where I was supposed to be, down in the choir room with a freshly warmed up voice, putting on said penguin costume. (Not literally, it's a black cassock like priests always wear, with a loose white shirt on top.) I heard a tentative voice. "Is . . . is PK here?"
Not expecting anyone, I just answered "yeah yeah, I'm here", figuring it was somebody from the church. And then Tiger appeared, and I tacklehugged him and would've kissed him like crazy if I hadn't been wearing lipstick.
"But you were with your family, way up in Massachusetts! How did you . . . ?"
"You don't want to know." he said with a laugh. But he said it a little later, speeding like crazy to get all the way down here in time. I couldn't admonish him properly, I was too thrilled to see him. It wasn't much time that I got to spend with him before the service started, but I spent it all in his arms. It hurt to tell my curious choir-mates later that he was a new, and very dear friend, but I am not yet ready to explain the whole concept of polyamory to people who would be very unlikely to have ever come across it.
It was strange and yet so beautiful. When Coyote used to come to that concert we had before the mass, he'd sit in the back so he could slip out. Tiger was in the very first pew, where I could gaze fondly at him and sing right to him. "Sleep, as they sleep who get their heart's desire", I sang with all the passion in my heart.
Sad, afterwards, that I couldn't bring him upstairs and fuck him, but we contented each other a little bit with an intense makeout in his car, parked just across the street. We both stumbled to bed with a face smeared with red, like a drunken clown's.
The next day I finished the tree, hung it with Coyote's help and decorated it with ribbon and ornaments, both the ones I'd made and the ones I'd picked up from the free table. Which included a Snoopy lying on a heart and a motherfucking cow! The free table must've known I was coming. To make sure Rude was represented as well, I took a stormtrooper Lego figure on a string and hung him, inadvertently posing him so that his gun was aimed right at my head. Hahahahaha, that's Rude alright! And for me, an ornament of the white dove of peace.
I wanted to make cheesecakes or start on presents or a hundred other things, but my overworked hands said, "fuck off, let us rest". So I did, I think I watched some Dexter or a movie and chilled out. Tiger came over and we went to Tokyo, I think my first celebration of Sushi Day in two or three years. The food was amazing, I loved watching Tiger savor his first taste of duckling and braised eel. He fucking loved it, just like I was sure he would.
Afterwards we went back to me and Coyote's apartment and had a very typical evening for us. The boys were both sick of Christmas carols from their workplaces, so I didn't play any. Coyote plugged in headphones and giggled away at QI, a British quiz show that he's been very into, lately. Tiger sat at my feet and we snuggled under my sleeping bag. I considered saying those sappy things, thanking them both for being in my life and for changing this day from my usual (bored, twitchy, restless, unable to concentrate on anything because of thinking about how everyone I know is with their families and eating feasts and opening presents, and here I am with just Coyote, who's invariably doing his own computery things and not interacting with me at all). It should be a time to feel warm and loved, to be full of yummy food and content. This year, finally, it was again. I desperately hope it's the first of many.
Oh, and there were presents, too! From Coyote, the second Hunger Games book, which I am steadfastedly reading only after seeing the movies. (And I loved the second movie, I may try to see it a second time in the theatre.) From Tiger, two bottles of good red wine and a big roll of plastic wrap for mummifications. Another sub also got me some clothes, but I've been busy wearing them. I did set my birthday present of the Calphalon pan under the tree too, just so I could show off the presents from subs to FetLife.
Oddly, the one person who's loved those pictures is a pro Domme of far more competence than me, who regularly gets hundreds of dollars a week and gifts of expensive latex from her subs. But then . . . my subs are people who actually know me and love me for who I am. Maybe she's a tad envious of that. I guess I can't blame her. :)
Hope your Christmas and winter holiday season was as lovely as mine. I'll talk about my birthday parties soon.
For the first time I can remember, I am just a little less than thrilled to see it. Oh, I'm happy anyways. It's pretty and it's thick, there's quite a lot that's stuck to the ground already and it looks like there'll be a lot more to come.
But I've spent so much of the past few days being so cold. I've spent so much of the past few weeks being sniffly because of the cold or the swarms of low-pressure fronts or both, and today was supposed to be a relatively warm 40-degree day, with rain. No mention of snow.
Oh well. I still won't bitch. Snow is my favorite type of weather. And the kids who live below me will be especially delighted, their snow-slide and snowman and "igloo" (a mound of snow that daddy had shovelled a deep hole in) were all looking rather small and pathetic yesterday. Now they'll be pumped back up. If it's sticky snow, I may build a more traditional style snowman in the backyard, since the front is pretty clearly their domain. Or a snowbunny, or some other snow-sculpture.
But it's the 10th day of 2014, and I haven't talked about Christmas yet. Oh, there's a further-back story or three to tell as well, but Christmas first.
I have not yet started the present for Tiger, nor any for Coyote (who just wants something for his birthday) or Rude (who shrugs and says 'presents aren't important', like he always does). Tiger's cool with me delaying his intended present for, ah. Something we more pressingly need, a strap-on harness. I'm going to make it out of fabric and ribbons, but it oughtta be sturdy enough to use until my leatherworking skills are up to the task.
I did, however, finish the tree. It isn't the prettiest of things, but it came out nice, and it's definitely reusable. Sitting in the closet now, as a matter of fact, waiting for next year. And I've already marked my calendar in early November to sew some stockings, since I wanna have them next year and I'd rather make my own then just decorate cheap ones from CVS.
The best part was definitely hanging the ornaments, same as with any other tree. I had five that I'd made with the kids of St. Martin's Episcopal Church a few weeks before, one snowman and four gingerbread people. I made a girl who represented me in her cute dress and sparkly two-toned scarf and top hat, and then one for each of my men. Coyote's is the only one with a nose, and cross-eyed and has a scarf, to keep him warm. Rude's wears a top hat with a sparkly red hat-band, as he's always so well-dressed. And his eyes are pointing straight up, 'cause he's always rolling his eyes at me. Tiger's is a bit of a mess, he's got stray sparkles on him and his eyes are pointing two different directions, 'cause he's the goofiest. But he's in a bowtie, 'cause he also likes dressing sharply.
I've put pictures up on FaceBook, one baby step closer to declaring my love for these three amazing men. And not just in the platonic way, dammit!
I hate that FB would force me to "break off" my existing relationship with Coyote in order to be able to declare being in a relationship with Tiger. And it's not an Open Relationship, for fuck's sake! It's quite closed. I'm only comfortable with Coyote getting a girlfriend, though I'm sure I would be okay with Rude getting a girlfriend, or a local sub, or both. I completely understand needing someone right nearby to scratch certain itches.
Anyways, back to Christmas.
I spent a lot of time right before the 25th itself thinking about the last time I had folks to spend warm fuzzy time with, that time of year. It was back in 2K2 or 2K3, when I had Winter Solstice with my first poly quad, Aaron and Nancy. I very simply decorated a potted fir tree with ribbons and we opened our presents to each other under it. It was so simple, and yet it was everything I'd expected winter holidays to be.
So for over a decade, I felt a hollow ache. I tried very hard to make the most of the Underwater Canoe Christmas Party with its Yankee Swap, because that is a lovely time. But Yankee Swaps are so fucking unpredictable. I got a decent present the first year, got a fabulous present stolen from me the second and didn't take home anything (I participated in Secret Santa that year, too, and the guy who got me gave me something I was allergic to. When I told him, instead of offering to get me something else or telling me where he got it so I could exchange it, he laughed in my face. Haven't managed to drum up any enthusiasm for the Secret Santa since.) Last year, I managed to unwrap a fucking scented candle that of course I was also allergic to, but a friend traded with me on the sly and I ended up with Play-Doh, far better. And just a few weeks ago, I took home a T-shirt in my size which is meant for someone geeky who likes beer, but eh, I'm low on non-stained T-shirts. But I also got an insulated lunch box that has quite decent iPod speakers built-in, and that I've actually been using. It's become the standard kitchen music source, you can just plop it on top of the fridge and it's not in the way. It'll also be excellent for taking on outdoor adventures, of course.
The point is, the only thing you can count on about a Yankee Swap is that you'll be unwrapping, and perhaps taking home, something you don't expect. Sometimes you do get to be the one that keeps something amazing, but usually that's only the people who draw the last few numbers. Most of the time, you'll either get something okay or something pretty crappy. It's disappointing how many people bring random crap to that Yankee Swap, like the CSI computer game that poor Tiger unwrapped a few weeks ago, and left behind. I'm sorry the snow kept silentstephi and her hubby home, they always bring something that's very appreciated by everyone. One year it was a Tardis cookie jar that even I tried to snag! Of course I didn't keep it.
So, it's a fun thing, but if you're leaning on it to be your main source of fuzzy warm happy holiday feelings, it's not so great. Maybe I will risk Secret Santa again, if I can make peace with the fact that I might be given something I'm allergic to again, and that I might get tied to one of the few LARP people I simply don't care for.
I had fantasies of spending my Christmas night saying sappy things to Tiger and Coyote, and Rude if he was up and on Skype that late. And of course, I knew how I was spending my Christmas Eve, I'd be singing in the "midnight minus two" mass for St. Martin's with nobody I know well in the audience.
Well, both of those were wrong.
On Christmas Eve, I heard the bells for the early service and had a very brief moment of panic. "Oh shit, am I supposed to be over there and in my penguin costume already???" I stared at the time in the upper right hand corner of my laptop screen until I was sure that it really said 4:45, then relaxed.
By 9:45, I was where I was supposed to be, down in the choir room with a freshly warmed up voice, putting on said penguin costume. (Not literally, it's a black cassock like priests always wear, with a loose white shirt on top.) I heard a tentative voice. "Is . . . is PK here?"
Not expecting anyone, I just answered "yeah yeah, I'm here", figuring it was somebody from the church. And then Tiger appeared, and I tacklehugged him and would've kissed him like crazy if I hadn't been wearing lipstick.
"But you were with your family, way up in Massachusetts! How did you . . . ?"
"You don't want to know." he said with a laugh. But he said it a little later, speeding like crazy to get all the way down here in time. I couldn't admonish him properly, I was too thrilled to see him. It wasn't much time that I got to spend with him before the service started, but I spent it all in his arms. It hurt to tell my curious choir-mates later that he was a new, and very dear friend, but I am not yet ready to explain the whole concept of polyamory to people who would be very unlikely to have ever come across it.
It was strange and yet so beautiful. When Coyote used to come to that concert we had before the mass, he'd sit in the back so he could slip out. Tiger was in the very first pew, where I could gaze fondly at him and sing right to him. "Sleep, as they sleep who get their heart's desire", I sang with all the passion in my heart.
Sad, afterwards, that I couldn't bring him upstairs and fuck him, but we contented each other a little bit with an intense makeout in his car, parked just across the street. We both stumbled to bed with a face smeared with red, like a drunken clown's.
The next day I finished the tree, hung it with Coyote's help and decorated it with ribbon and ornaments, both the ones I'd made and the ones I'd picked up from the free table. Which included a Snoopy lying on a heart and a motherfucking cow! The free table must've known I was coming. To make sure Rude was represented as well, I took a stormtrooper Lego figure on a string and hung him, inadvertently posing him so that his gun was aimed right at my head. Hahahahaha, that's Rude alright! And for me, an ornament of the white dove of peace.
I wanted to make cheesecakes or start on presents or a hundred other things, but my overworked hands said, "fuck off, let us rest". So I did, I think I watched some Dexter or a movie and chilled out. Tiger came over and we went to Tokyo, I think my first celebration of Sushi Day in two or three years. The food was amazing, I loved watching Tiger savor his first taste of duckling and braised eel. He fucking loved it, just like I was sure he would.
Afterwards we went back to me and Coyote's apartment and had a very typical evening for us. The boys were both sick of Christmas carols from their workplaces, so I didn't play any. Coyote plugged in headphones and giggled away at QI, a British quiz show that he's been very into, lately. Tiger sat at my feet and we snuggled under my sleeping bag. I considered saying those sappy things, thanking them both for being in my life and for changing this day from my usual (bored, twitchy, restless, unable to concentrate on anything because of thinking about how everyone I know is with their families and eating feasts and opening presents, and here I am with just Coyote, who's invariably doing his own computery things and not interacting with me at all). It should be a time to feel warm and loved, to be full of yummy food and content. This year, finally, it was again. I desperately hope it's the first of many.
Oh, and there were presents, too! From Coyote, the second Hunger Games book, which I am steadfastedly reading only after seeing the movies. (And I loved the second movie, I may try to see it a second time in the theatre.) From Tiger, two bottles of good red wine and a big roll of plastic wrap for mummifications. Another sub also got me some clothes, but I've been busy wearing them. I did set my birthday present of the Calphalon pan under the tree too, just so I could show off the presents from subs to FetLife.
Oddly, the one person who's loved those pictures is a pro Domme of far more competence than me, who regularly gets hundreds of dollars a week and gifts of expensive latex from her subs. But then . . . my subs are people who actually know me and love me for who I am. Maybe she's a tad envious of that. I guess I can't blame her. :)
Hope your Christmas and winter holiday season was as lovely as mine. I'll talk about my birthday parties soon.