Xander was gone. This is unexceptable. Xander wasn't supposed to die. Giles was dead, and Willow. So many emotions were going through me. I've never felt so overcome with this type of emotions. They were alive about a half hour ago, now that is not the case
( ... )
"He's really gone? Please tell me this is all a dream. Xander can't die. He had so much more to live for."
Suave is something that I had developed and I don't think that anybody that knew me could deny it, but this was one of those times when I wanted to hide, to not face reality, to get away from the world.
I'm not proud of this, but having dragged my boss into the hotel and after seeing all of the dead slayers...girls that I had worked with, friends...brave girls...I was filled with the feeling that this beyond me.
I looked down at Xander after Anya's understandable statement and was filled with a void, like an episode of Voyager when they reached the outer limits of the galaxy and nothing was there...and knew that no comforting words would escape my mouth for Anya's benefit.
While I struggled for words, I noticed movement from my right peripheral and then heard the unmistakable voice of Giles.
"Dear Lord, please tell me that almost everyone survived..."I looked at Anya and then at Xander and my smile at seeing Giles faded
( ... )
"Dear Lord, please tell me that almost everyone survived..."
My heart almost jumped out of my chest when I heard Giles speak. This isn't real. This can't be real. The First did this to us. Came to us with the image of our friends or loved ones.
"Please tell me that Xander is our only casualty."
Giles pushed the knife deeper into my heart. "How do we know it's you? You could be The First." I knew he couldn't be The First. He touched Xander's arm. But, I still had a right to question Giles. "And, why would you be alive? Why couldn't Xander be alive? It's nice to know how much you care about Xander?" I got up off the floor. The tears spilled out of my eyes.
"Xander's dead. Willow's dead. A bunch of Slayers are dead, and some injured. Happy, now?" I couldn't believe he wondered if Xander was our only casualty. Like, his life meant nothing. "This wouldn't have happened if we didn't listen to your horny Slayer. She's the one that brought us all here. If it wasn't for her, Xander, Willow, and those Slayers would
( ... )
Oh. It's all that I could think after Andrew's pointed silence spoke volumes about the depth of the loss that we had incurred on this fateful evening, where again...I was opposed to being here.
The stark reality of the gravity of the situation settled in and I found that my various major aches and pains and injuries didn't really mean anything anymore. While I needed to get to a hospital, assuredly, it no longer mattered and I found that with alarm, concern and downright trepidating fright over who might be gone and who might still be alive...that I could move rather stealthily at the moment and fully well intended to once I determined the wherabouts of the injured and of the...the worse off then that.
"How do we know it's you? You could be The First."
Anya's rather idiotic remark could be fully attributed to the fact that Xander was dead in front of her and if things weren't so bloody dire, I might have commented upon how the First wasn't a player in things right now and hadn't been since Sunnydale.
Anya and Giles basically had an argument and I wanted to scream for them to stop, but so much death around us was a new one for me and I didn't know what to say or how to act. The jovial Andrew that had become a watcher and a suave man had left the building and all that I wanted right now was to wake up back in England and have it be yesterday with plans for vampiric studies and some training with some of the younger slayers. I wanted that day to become groundhog day, you know, with Bill Murray and have today be impossible to happen unless I got it right and if I did, today wouldn't have been the wya that it was because I would have talked everyone, including Buffy and Faith out of going because I knew that Xander and Willow and Vi and Chao Ahn and so many other girls would be dead and there's no way that we could let that happen and even Buffy in her insistence to help Angel and Spike...would realize that it was so totally wrong to come to Los Angeles on this day
( ... )
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Suave is something that I had developed and I don't think that anybody that knew me could deny it, but this was one of those times when I wanted to hide, to not face reality, to get away from the world.
I'm not proud of this, but having dragged my boss into the hotel and after seeing all of the dead slayers...girls that I had worked with, friends...brave girls...I was filled with the feeling that this beyond me.
I looked down at Xander after Anya's understandable statement and was filled with a void, like an episode of Voyager when they reached the outer limits of the galaxy and nothing was there...and knew that no comforting words would escape my mouth for Anya's benefit.
While I struggled for words, I noticed movement from my right peripheral and then heard the unmistakable voice of Giles.
"Dear Lord, please tell me that almost everyone survived..."I looked at Anya and then at Xander and my smile at seeing Giles faded ( ... )
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My heart almost jumped out of my chest when I heard Giles speak. This isn't real. This can't be real. The First did this to us. Came to us with the image of our friends or loved ones.
"Please tell me that Xander is our only casualty."
Giles pushed the knife deeper into my heart. "How do we know it's you? You could be The First." I knew he couldn't be The First. He touched Xander's arm. But, I still had a right to question Giles. "And, why would you be alive? Why couldn't Xander be alive? It's nice to know how much you care about Xander?" I got up off the floor. The tears spilled out of my eyes.
"Xander's dead. Willow's dead. A bunch of Slayers are dead, and some injured. Happy, now?" I couldn't believe he wondered if Xander was our only casualty. Like, his life meant nothing. "This wouldn't have happened if we didn't listen to your horny Slayer. She's the one that brought us all here. If it wasn't for her, Xander, Willow, and those Slayers would ( ... )
Reply
The stark reality of the gravity of the situation settled in and I found that my various major aches and pains and injuries didn't really mean anything anymore. While I needed to get to a hospital, assuredly, it no longer mattered and I found that with alarm, concern and downright trepidating fright over who might be gone and who might still be alive...that I could move rather stealthily at the moment and fully well intended to once I determined the wherabouts of the injured and of the...the worse off then that.
"How do we know it's you? You could be The First."
Anya's rather idiotic remark could be fully attributed to the fact that Xander was dead in front of her and if things weren't so bloody dire, I might have commented upon how the First wasn't a player in things right now and hadn't been since Sunnydale.
"And, why would you be alive ( ... )
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