Eerie, Indiana fanfiction: A Credible Threat
He called himself Manuel O'Quinn, and he was just about the worst example of a malevolent shop dummy come to life that Simon had ever seen.
"I hate doing this," he said, as he knocked a heavy fireman's axe from unbending plasticised fingers. Manual O'Quinn made a futile, stiff-armed grab to catch it, but it sailed over the balcony and clattered down into the empty food court below.
"I know," said Mars, tugging a discount rail laden with polyester clothing in every shade of lurid towards the unmoving escalator. Simon stepped away from the guard rail and helped him lift the heavy rack of ugly shirts over the small rise at the to of the steps. As he did, his eyes caught the clear-glass gaze of the display figure and he felt again the hot flush of shame.
"He's just so bad at it," he whispered wretchedly. One of Manuel's legs had fallen off during the chase and he was trying to drag himself towards his intended victims without the aid of poseable joints.
"I know," said Marshall again, positioning the sale rail's metal castors so that they aimed straight towards the approaching threat. "But he's had six months to stalk and kill patrons of the Eerie Mall and he hasn't managed it once. We can't let him wander around dropping carving knives everywhere just because you feel sorry for him."
Simon looked down at his feet.
"He hasn't actually hurt anyone," he said in a small voice. "We could always call Marisea - she has that collection of haunted dolls, she might be able to find him a friend, or..."
He trailed off, aware that Marshall was staring at him.
"Simon," he said. "He tried to put me through a jewellery display table. Admittedly, a plastic torso doesn't grant a whole lot of upper body strength so I just kind of gently slid off it, but still. He's got to go."
Simon sighed, and knelt to unclip the catch that locked the display rail's wheels in place.
"Okay," he said. "Let's do this."
Marshall gave his trusted associate's shoulder a comforting squeeze, and shoved the groaning rack of last season's fashions over the edge of the escalator.
"Sorry," murmured Simon, as a hundred mis-matched blouses clattered towards the murderous mannequin with a screech and rattle of poor fashion choices and tumbling wire hangers.
"It's not your fault," Marshall assured him, after the din died away and the shopping mall homunculus lay in scattered, twitching pieces on the highly-polished floor. "If he couldn't pose a credible threat here, with a food court full of deadly plastic sporks and a Homewares department specialising in breakable, sharp-edged things, he would have never made it in non-shopping-mall Eerie. We've saved him a whole lot of frustration and broken serial-killer dreams."
"Poor guy," said Simon. "Can we at least burn his remains in a purifying pyre like we thought he might actually come back and try to get us?"
"Yeah," said Marshall, retrieving his backpack and pulling out a roll of heavy-duty trash bags. "We can give him that much."
Trusted Associates, Inc.
Halloween by froodle, in which Mars and Simon celebrate a Von Orloff-free All Hallows Eve
Surprise by froodle, in which Mars tries to make sure Simon's birthday goes a little better this year
The Glade by froodle, in which Simon and Mars visit a place that only exists on February 29th
Egg Hunt by froodle, in which Simon and Mars partake of some traditional Easter activities
Boardwalk by froodle, in which Simon and Mars are swayed by radio advertising
Lady in Red by froodle, in which Simon experiments on the old-fashioned radio in the Secret Spot, and horror ensues
Waiting In by froodle, in which there is an ice-storm and a handyman does not arrive
Seafoam by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the seaside
A Night at the Circus by froodle, in which a carnivale comes to town, and Marshall and Simon do not enjoy themselves
Taking a Break by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall enjoy some much-needed R&R
Model Railway by froodle, in which a new business prepares to open in Eerie
Shoreline by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall investigate strange happenings on the shores of Lake Eerie
Parade by froodle, in which Mars takes issue with the Eerie Beekeepers Association's choice of mascot
Homestead by froodle, in which Marshall finally gets something useful out of shop class
Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend
Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list
Slyboots by froodle, in which a certain corporal of the infernal regions comes to Eerie. Crossover with Johannes Cabal the Necromancer.
Waterlogged by froodle, in which Eerie experiences heavy rainfall
Festival by froodle, in which Eerie's local businesses celebrate the summer
Strawberry by froodle, in which there is unauthorised hubbub in Eerie
Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach
Facilities by froodle, in which the Eerie Bus Station and Supper Club has a problem with the men's toilet
Anticipation by froodle, in which Simon and Harley look forward to the Equinox
Castle by froodle, in which there is unexpected architecture in Eerie
Visitor in which Marshall's grandma comes to stay
Euclid by froodle, in which Marshall and Simon investigate strange events at the Eerie Cemetery
The Hut by froodle, in which Simon takes on the forces of Eerie solo