Okay, feeling a bit better
I still feel like crap. But I talked to my mom and Kutz at length, and I emailed both my principal and assistant principal and have a meeting scheduled with them tomorrow about how I can improve my classroom and how they can support me. I told them the truth; that I had been thinking of leaving but that I really don't want to give up, especially not this soon. They said they appreciated my honesty and that they would do everything they can to help. So I'm going to give it another go. Thank you everyone for your encouraging words. Keep it up; this is going to be a long, hard school year and I'm going to do my damndest to make it through and do a good job of it. I swear, when I am sick, especially with a fever and horrible sinus pressure, everything seems so hopeless and twenty times worse than it is.
I have also realized that I need to put a cap on how much time I spend at school. Most nights I am there until 6pm, long after most of the other staff have left. I have to start saying to myself "Okay, you've done what you can. Time to call it a night." It's so time consuming, having to turn in my lesson plans every Thursday, grading, making samples and looking for examples of art work. Top that off with my grad class and all that entails and I am frickin' swamped. But I'm going to plug away. Kutz is also giving me lots of support; he keeps reminding me that my will is stronger than that of a bunch of irritating high school students. And that I can offer them choices, and they won't always pick the good ones that I want them too. And when they don't, I just have to let them go. They will succeed or fail by their own choices. And I have to learn to accept that. That I can't help them all. But I can help the ones who want to succeed and are willing to do what it takes.
"I am not afraid. I was born for this." -Joan of Arc
I have also realized that I need to put a cap on how much time I spend at school. Most nights I am there until 6pm, long after most of the other staff have left. I have to start saying to myself "Okay, you've done what you can. Time to call it a night." It's so time consuming, having to turn in my lesson plans every Thursday, grading, making samples and looking for examples of art work. Top that off with my grad class and all that entails and I am frickin' swamped. But I'm going to plug away. Kutz is also giving me lots of support; he keeps reminding me that my will is stronger than that of a bunch of irritating high school students. And that I can offer them choices, and they won't always pick the good ones that I want them too. And when they don't, I just have to let them go. They will succeed or fail by their own choices. And I have to learn to accept that. That I can't help them all. But I can help the ones who want to succeed and are willing to do what it takes.
"I am not afraid. I was born for this." -Joan of Arc