(no subject)
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I don't mean to moan but I am just so stupid. Why the fuck do I do the things I do? WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH ME. I am actually so out of control when it comes to my feelings. One minute I think I really do love Aaron. The next I don't care he exists and would happily cheat on him. I have to hurt him to make him hurt me back. It's like I can't stand to be happy, I have to find some way to bring it crashing down. I also just make a shit girlfriend. Like last night when I was at Arctic Monkeys, I was happy to chat anyone up or kiss anyone or whatever. It's not because I don't care about Aaron (and I can really see how it mioght look that way) but I just think we're all teenagers. We're supposed to have fun! And flirting is fun. Especially when it's harmless and doesn't lead anywhere. I am so shit at any type of committment. I need to grow up. Maybe I'm just testing him to see how much he cares. Like, I didn't have to tell him some boy kissed me goodbye last night, but I did. I wanted to see his reaction.
We've had too many fights this week anyway. It always seems to me he is being petty but maybe it is just me. Something's wrong somewhere. I can feel myself becoming increasingly annoyed with him and see him as more of a hassle than anything else. By next week this feeling will probably have passed, but for now I just don't know what to do.
Arctic Monkeys last night was AMAZING. Oh my god. It really was so legendary. Except I was worried at the beginnng because Cate and Charley were 45 minutes late and I was all alone in the queue. I made some friends though, they gave me free beer and cigarettes. I was mighty grateful. Then we went in and I was quite drunk so we talked to loads of people and made some friends. Then Milburn were on and they were quite cool. That's when I first saw scarf-boy who named me mad-waving-girl. He was cool. Then I made friends with emo boy + friends. He took lots of photos of me and then me and his friend had a competition to see whp's tnogue was longest. I won. So many people were watching and said I had the longest tongue they had ever seen. Of course there were then a few crude comments about what I could do with it but I was drunk so it all seemed funny. Then I did the first very stupid thing of the evening. Charley came over to talk to me so I said to emo boy I'd pull her for the camera. And then id id just kiss her. She's my best friend. it was very stupid of me and potentially frienship-wrecking. I have been forgiven though. Plus it was shit because I was so drunk I fell over half way through. She must think I am so weird. After that I stayed talking to emo boy +friends and have no idea where Charley and Cate went. Then AM came on and opened with 'I bet you look good on the dancefloor' and it went ape-shit crazy. I'm not joking. It was so rough! I once did a wall of death at a FFAF gig but this was ten times worse. I eneded up on the floor getting trampled. But I was saved thank god. I did move to the back a bit though because I didn't want to die. Scummy was amazing <3
Afterwards I couldn't find Charley or Cate so I stayed with emo boy who was taking advantage somewhat. He kept grabbing in my places he shouldn't. Second stupid thing, I didn't stop him or mention a boyfriend or anything. If anything I probably encouraged him. When we got outside Charley and Cate came over then some man came up to us and asked if we wanted to be interviewed for NME. I was like HELL YEAH. So then we did the interview. After I started aksing the guy about work placements at Nme and he was like "oh email this lady...no, just email me" and I was like cool, who are you? Then he said he was TIM JONZE. ONLY ONE OF NME'S MOST PROLIFIC WRITERS. I hugged him like crazy then and so did one of emo boy's friends. Then we wanted to leave so I said goodbye to emo boy and he gave me a big hug then kissed me on the lips. Just like a peck though...Then we started walking to the station and Cate and Charley started saying "OMG ALICIAAAA! Tim Jonze was all over you! he so fancied you! omg!" And I was like whaaaaa? Because I don't think it's true. But Cate kept repeating it all of today so maybe.
At the station I made my third and greatest mistake. I don't what the fuck possessed me to do it but I decide to text Aaron telling him about the show then ended with 'oh and some boy kissed me'. Naturally he got really angry and had a go at me. But when I explained that it was a small kiss that meant nothing and I didn't know it was going to happen he kinda forgave me. He likened the feeling to having his heart torn out and stamped on then being kicked repeatedly in the stomach. When he told me that I didn't feel how I think i should. I man, I felt bad. But not bad because I'd hurt him. I more pitied him for actually liking me so much. He is a fool. I only hurt people.
Today I bought the same buff trousers as Kay. they definitely make me look fat but whatever. I also dyed some of my hair pink. I look really emo. oh well.
We've had too many fights this week anyway. It always seems to me he is being petty but maybe it is just me. Something's wrong somewhere. I can feel myself becoming increasingly annoyed with him and see him as more of a hassle than anything else. By next week this feeling will probably have passed, but for now I just don't know what to do.
Arctic Monkeys last night was AMAZING. Oh my god. It really was so legendary. Except I was worried at the beginnng because Cate and Charley were 45 minutes late and I was all alone in the queue. I made some friends though, they gave me free beer and cigarettes. I was mighty grateful. Then we went in and I was quite drunk so we talked to loads of people and made some friends. Then Milburn were on and they were quite cool. That's when I first saw scarf-boy who named me mad-waving-girl. He was cool. Then I made friends with emo boy + friends. He took lots of photos of me and then me and his friend had a competition to see whp's tnogue was longest. I won. So many people were watching and said I had the longest tongue they had ever seen. Of course there were then a few crude comments about what I could do with it but I was drunk so it all seemed funny. Then I did the first very stupid thing of the evening. Charley came over to talk to me so I said to emo boy I'd pull her for the camera. And then id id just kiss her. She's my best friend. it was very stupid of me and potentially frienship-wrecking. I have been forgiven though. Plus it was shit because I was so drunk I fell over half way through. She must think I am so weird. After that I stayed talking to emo boy +friends and have no idea where Charley and Cate went. Then AM came on and opened with 'I bet you look good on the dancefloor' and it went ape-shit crazy. I'm not joking. It was so rough! I once did a wall of death at a FFAF gig but this was ten times worse. I eneded up on the floor getting trampled. But I was saved thank god. I did move to the back a bit though because I didn't want to die. Scummy was amazing <3
Afterwards I couldn't find Charley or Cate so I stayed with emo boy who was taking advantage somewhat. He kept grabbing in my places he shouldn't. Second stupid thing, I didn't stop him or mention a boyfriend or anything. If anything I probably encouraged him. When we got outside Charley and Cate came over then some man came up to us and asked if we wanted to be interviewed for NME. I was like HELL YEAH. So then we did the interview. After I started aksing the guy about work placements at Nme and he was like "oh email this lady...no, just email me" and I was like cool, who are you? Then he said he was TIM JONZE. ONLY ONE OF NME'S MOST PROLIFIC WRITERS. I hugged him like crazy then and so did one of emo boy's friends. Then we wanted to leave so I said goodbye to emo boy and he gave me a big hug then kissed me on the lips. Just like a peck though...Then we started walking to the station and Cate and Charley started saying "OMG ALICIAAAA! Tim Jonze was all over you! he so fancied you! omg!" And I was like whaaaaa? Because I don't think it's true. But Cate kept repeating it all of today so maybe.
At the station I made my third and greatest mistake. I don't what the fuck possessed me to do it but I decide to text Aaron telling him about the show then ended with 'oh and some boy kissed me'. Naturally he got really angry and had a go at me. But when I explained that it was a small kiss that meant nothing and I didn't know it was going to happen he kinda forgave me. He likened the feeling to having his heart torn out and stamped on then being kicked repeatedly in the stomach. When he told me that I didn't feel how I think i should. I man, I felt bad. But not bad because I'd hurt him. I more pitied him for actually liking me so much. He is a fool. I only hurt people.
Today I bought the same buff trousers as Kay. they definitely make me look fat but whatever. I also dyed some of my hair pink. I look really emo. oh well.