(no subject)
I know, twice in one day. It's fucking ridiculous, but if you don't want to know, don't read it.
I hung out with Kelcey tonight, we got pick a six at Corner Market, mmm, Guinness, Sam Adam's Cherry Wheat, Anchor Steam, among others, sooooooooo delicious. It was fun, but again the topic strayed to being lonely and there being no men in Hattiesburg that appeal to us. It's so, just, frustrating. I mean I truly believe if I lived anywhere else in the modern world, it would not be like this. It's this place, this city, this state, maybe even this region. And it's not to say I haven't liked guys from here, I have, but it's ALWAYS something. I'm just so tired, so lonely, so...broken. I hate to say it. NO a man does NOT define me or make my life complete, but it doesn't mean I don't want one, that I'm not lonely, that I don't want a compliment to my life. I don't want forever or talks of the future or anything like that, but I do want someone right now in the moment. I'm stuck here another year and 4 months, most relationships do not last that long, I'm just looking for that, a temporary fix. I can't have forever, I don't want forever, the thought of forever fucking throws me and makes me feel like my insides are rotting out. I have too much I want to do, too many places I want to go. I can't have someone coming along and messing that up. Now I mean on a forever scale. To be honest, even if I did meet a guy and I thought I could love him I would probably mess it up b/c of the fact that after I graduate I'm seriously thinking of moving to Europe and getting my master's there. And I mean, hello, Europe, um, European men are sooooooo, well mmm, so yeah I couldn't have forever even if I found someone I could see it with. BUT that's not to say I couldn't have "until..." with someone. Hell that's what MOST relationships are, "until..." so where's my until?? I don't need my heart spared, in fact being alone as long as I have been I'll be one the one mostly doing the heart breaking, as afore mentioned.
It boils down to me being so very lonely, in need of male affection and love and interaction. I'm asking for something simple, nothing big and dramatic b/c that's not how I roll, dawg!
Ok, I'm going to do more single ritualistic things and then sleep. Work tomorrow.
I hung out with Kelcey tonight, we got pick a six at Corner Market, mmm, Guinness, Sam Adam's Cherry Wheat, Anchor Steam, among others, sooooooooo delicious. It was fun, but again the topic strayed to being lonely and there being no men in Hattiesburg that appeal to us. It's so, just, frustrating. I mean I truly believe if I lived anywhere else in the modern world, it would not be like this. It's this place, this city, this state, maybe even this region. And it's not to say I haven't liked guys from here, I have, but it's ALWAYS something. I'm just so tired, so lonely, so...broken. I hate to say it. NO a man does NOT define me or make my life complete, but it doesn't mean I don't want one, that I'm not lonely, that I don't want a compliment to my life. I don't want forever or talks of the future or anything like that, but I do want someone right now in the moment. I'm stuck here another year and 4 months, most relationships do not last that long, I'm just looking for that, a temporary fix. I can't have forever, I don't want forever, the thought of forever fucking throws me and makes me feel like my insides are rotting out. I have too much I want to do, too many places I want to go. I can't have someone coming along and messing that up. Now I mean on a forever scale. To be honest, even if I did meet a guy and I thought I could love him I would probably mess it up b/c of the fact that after I graduate I'm seriously thinking of moving to Europe and getting my master's there. And I mean, hello, Europe, um, European men are sooooooo, well mmm, so yeah I couldn't have forever even if I found someone I could see it with. BUT that's not to say I couldn't have "until..." with someone. Hell that's what MOST relationships are, "until..." so where's my until?? I don't need my heart spared, in fact being alone as long as I have been I'll be one the one mostly doing the heart breaking, as afore mentioned.
It boils down to me being so very lonely, in need of male affection and love and interaction. I'm asking for something simple, nothing big and dramatic b/c that's not how I roll, dawg!
Ok, I'm going to do more single ritualistic things and then sleep. Work tomorrow.