Good thing I made this community...
I just need a quick vent... cut for length.
I just spent four hours arguing with my boyfriend about anorexia. FOUR FUCKING HOURS! I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. And he cried too, which nearly killed me. I told him that if me being anorexic hurt him so much, he should break up with me. That made him cry even more... God. I feel as though, no matter what I do, I can't do the right thing with him. Keeping him around hurts him. Letting him go hurs him. The only thing that makes me feel better is not eating, and that makes him upset. The only thing that makes him happy with me is eating, and that makes me upset. I've sacrificed so much for him... I decided to go to UIowa instead of UCSD. I've moved out of a nice apartment with four kick-ass roommates and my own bedroom to live with him, sharing a bedroom, paying more money. I've eaten more than I promised myself I ever would, just to make him happy with me. What more does he want? Recovery didn't work, and I don't want to try it again, at least no time in the near future.
We almost ended it tonight. I've never been more scared in my life. I do so much to make him happy... but if this tears him apart as much as it tears me apart, I'd be willing to let him go. He just won't go... (And that makes me mentally scream, "Thank the gods! I'd be nothing without you!")
What did I do to deserve such a loving boyfriend? We only fight because he cares so much... That's what makes it hurt so much. :(
Hope you guys are in a better place than I am... I almost binged myself into oblivion after that... But somehow I didn't. Thank god for 0 Cal tea...
I just spent four hours arguing with my boyfriend about anorexia. FOUR FUCKING HOURS! I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. And he cried too, which nearly killed me. I told him that if me being anorexic hurt him so much, he should break up with me. That made him cry even more... God. I feel as though, no matter what I do, I can't do the right thing with him. Keeping him around hurts him. Letting him go hurs him. The only thing that makes me feel better is not eating, and that makes him upset. The only thing that makes him happy with me is eating, and that makes me upset. I've sacrificed so much for him... I decided to go to UIowa instead of UCSD. I've moved out of a nice apartment with four kick-ass roommates and my own bedroom to live with him, sharing a bedroom, paying more money. I've eaten more than I promised myself I ever would, just to make him happy with me. What more does he want? Recovery didn't work, and I don't want to try it again, at least no time in the near future.
We almost ended it tonight. I've never been more scared in my life. I do so much to make him happy... but if this tears him apart as much as it tears me apart, I'd be willing to let him go. He just won't go... (And that makes me mentally scream, "Thank the gods! I'd be nothing without you!")
What did I do to deserve such a loving boyfriend? We only fight because he cares so much... That's what makes it hurt so much. :(
Hope you guys are in a better place than I am... I almost binged myself into oblivion after that... But somehow I didn't. Thank god for 0 Cal tea...