hello
Hi, I am new here. I'm different from most ed sufferers on live journal. My eating disorder is compulsive overeating. It started about a year after my crash diet ended. On the crash diet, I spent about eight months eating only two kinds of food and a limited calorie intake. Sure, I lost weight but I also had malnutrition and hair problems. So, I decided since I was at my goal weight, I could eat okay again. Wrong. I have a fear of certain foods, particulary fat and grains and dairy and processed foods. When I eat them, I feel guilty and sad. If I have a reduced fat cookie, I get so upset, I decide to throw my whole day of semi normal eating away and binge. I don't purge though. It's a struggle for me to eat without over doing. I keep saying I can try to eat normal TOMORROW but then I always make up an excuse to binge. Twice, I have abused laxatives. I don't abuse them or diet pills basically because I don't have the money to squander on them and I am scared of getting caught. I am so unhappy about my weight that I cry all the time and feel hopeless and eat. I am pretty pathetic, I know. I just want to try get better. I'm not even sure what ed I have now or if I have a ed. I'm really horrorified that I won't be able to control my weight.