Dear Diary, It's Been a While ...
I find I have so little energy to think these days that I not only haven't been posting to LJ but haven't been commenting (adequately, at length, coherently, or even at all in some case [yes, friends, I suck, I know; but I hope you forgive me] at other people's journals and especially on their fiction that I've been reading. Clinging to. Inhaling. Because it's basically the only thing that's been keeping my mind from turning into sludge, I think, after the end of the day's activities, such as they are.
My activities? Well, mostly consist of going to doctors and trying to get a little work done (when there is any to do; oh yes, I still need work, oh, do I need freelance editing work!) in the hours I'm awake. I'm still sleeping a lot, but trying to regulate that a bit better (not happening today, though, since it's 7:20am and I haven't slept yet at all since yesterday).
Now, as to the doctors: finally I went back to Concord Orthopaedics and said, "Look, I tried the injections into the nerve root on my spine. It worked for up to 10 days after each injection, and no more, for some pain relief. WHAT TO DO NOW, GUYS?" because this just can't go on any further. I'm literally living in bed on my back. I can't do that. I can't keep taking painkillers of this sort for the rest of my life, either.
The PA who saw me on Thursday was lovely, if OMG SO YOUNG (probably looked younger than he is, but I felt like he was barely out of college!), immediately ordered a set of "special" X-rays just down the hall (their facility is wonderful). And they proceeded to twist me into various shapes I haven't thought about trying for, oh, about two years now, including bending over backwards as far as I could (not as far as I used to be able to -- not by a longshot!), trying not to fall on my ass while they took the X-rays. More with me bent over like a hairpin. Etc. Etc.
Yes, it hurt. Yes, my leg went numb/burning/OMFG CAN WE STOP THIS NOW? and finally they finished and sent me back to the PA.
Who promptly showed me the results, which look something like this:
You can clearly see where the vertebrae slip horizontally when I bend or flex my back. The disc there has been torn and is clearly shredding (or already shred). There's also stenosis & a sinovial cyst which we already knew about at that level (L5/S1).
The diagnosis right now is degenerative spondylolithesis and spinal stenosis. He noted that the nerves descending the spine in that area appear to be inflamed. He also explained that I clearly have degenerative arthritis of the spine as well as degenerative disc disease.
In other words, my spine is falling apart, the nerves have been borked long enough that I may have permanent loss of feeling (and muscle use) in my right leg (because I GOT DICKED AROUND BY THE OTHER DOCTORS FOR SO LONG - YEAH, THANKS FOR THAT, GUYS), and there's not much that can be done but there are some techniques to relieve the stenosis that are quite good and rather noninvasive (comparably speaking). The surgery for the spondylolithesis on the other hand is ... scary. I don't even want to think about it (removal of the disc and vertebral fusion).
I want to do some research about this, guys -- especially if there are options available in other countries. Hell, anything other than that damned fusion surgery. ANY HELP IN THAT RESEARCH WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. See up at the top of the post? I'm pretty sludgy these days when I'm not trying to work.
So, what's next on the agenda, other than panic and general hair-pulling? :)
New MRIs are scheduled for this coming Wednesday, and I'm supposed to have an appointment to see the neurosurgeon/spine doctor that the PA works for, but they couldn't find an appointment for me before JULY. Yeah. So I'm waiting to hear directly from the doctor's secretary, who, I guess, is supposed to work some miracle and carve out some time for me with the doctor. (Which I hate, because the doctor resents a shoe-horned appointment, and I always feel like he's rushing and with my spine this bad? I do NOT want a rushed consult. Arg.)
Depending on what he says, I will probably ask for a second opinion up at Hanover, NH, at the Dartmouth Medical Center at Dartmouth College/Medical School. I'd seen a neurosurgeon up there before, and perhaps she'll have some insights for me, too.
The diagnoses aren't good, folks, but at least I have something to start with now, as opposed to the run-arounds I've been getting for the last year plus. Yay. No, really: YAY FOR THAT!!
My activities? Well, mostly consist of going to doctors and trying to get a little work done (when there is any to do; oh yes, I still need work, oh, do I need freelance editing work!) in the hours I'm awake. I'm still sleeping a lot, but trying to regulate that a bit better (not happening today, though, since it's 7:20am and I haven't slept yet at all since yesterday).
Now, as to the doctors: finally I went back to Concord Orthopaedics and said, "Look, I tried the injections into the nerve root on my spine. It worked for up to 10 days after each injection, and no more, for some pain relief. WHAT TO DO NOW, GUYS?" because this just can't go on any further. I'm literally living in bed on my back. I can't do that. I can't keep taking painkillers of this sort for the rest of my life, either.
The PA who saw me on Thursday was lovely, if OMG SO YOUNG (probably looked younger than he is, but I felt like he was barely out of college!), immediately ordered a set of "special" X-rays just down the hall (their facility is wonderful). And they proceeded to twist me into various shapes I haven't thought about trying for, oh, about two years now, including bending over backwards as far as I could (not as far as I used to be able to -- not by a longshot!), trying not to fall on my ass while they took the X-rays. More with me bent over like a hairpin. Etc. Etc.
Yes, it hurt. Yes, my leg went numb/burning/OMFG CAN WE STOP THIS NOW? and finally they finished and sent me back to the PA.
Who promptly showed me the results, which look something like this:
You can clearly see where the vertebrae slip horizontally when I bend or flex my back. The disc there has been torn and is clearly shredding (or already shred). There's also stenosis & a sinovial cyst which we already knew about at that level (L5/S1).
The diagnosis right now is degenerative spondylolithesis and spinal stenosis. He noted that the nerves descending the spine in that area appear to be inflamed. He also explained that I clearly have degenerative arthritis of the spine as well as degenerative disc disease.
In other words, my spine is falling apart, the nerves have been borked long enough that I may have permanent loss of feeling (and muscle use) in my right leg (because I GOT DICKED AROUND BY THE OTHER DOCTORS FOR SO LONG - YEAH, THANKS FOR THAT, GUYS), and there's not much that can be done but there are some techniques to relieve the stenosis that are quite good and rather noninvasive (comparably speaking). The surgery for the spondylolithesis on the other hand is ... scary. I don't even want to think about it (removal of the disc and vertebral fusion).
I want to do some research about this, guys -- especially if there are options available in other countries. Hell, anything other than that damned fusion surgery. ANY HELP IN THAT RESEARCH WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. See up at the top of the post? I'm pretty sludgy these days when I'm not trying to work.
So, what's next on the agenda, other than panic and general hair-pulling? :)
New MRIs are scheduled for this coming Wednesday, and I'm supposed to have an appointment to see the neurosurgeon/spine doctor that the PA works for, but they couldn't find an appointment for me before JULY. Yeah. So I'm waiting to hear directly from the doctor's secretary, who, I guess, is supposed to work some miracle and carve out some time for me with the doctor. (Which I hate, because the doctor resents a shoe-horned appointment, and I always feel like he's rushing and with my spine this bad? I do NOT want a rushed consult. Arg.)
Depending on what he says, I will probably ask for a second opinion up at Hanover, NH, at the Dartmouth Medical Center at Dartmouth College/Medical School. I'd seen a neurosurgeon up there before, and perhaps she'll have some insights for me, too.
The diagnoses aren't good, folks, but at least I have something to start with now, as opposed to the run-arounds I've been getting for the last year plus. Yay. No, really: YAY FOR THAT!!