Haute Cuisine
^say it like Basil Fawlty for maximum humor value^
Our local Nwalins restaurant has been under renovation and out of commission for ~6 mos, but today I noticed the brown paper was finally torn from the windows and folks were chowing down inside, so I schlepped out in the chilly rain to get me the gumbo and hush puppies and jambalaya and other deelish fixins I've been craving for so long. I should have stayed home, warm and dry, and had leftovers instead.
Right off the bat I noticed the decor's VERY different now (my first clue); I settled down at my table, picked up the menu and discovered...it's now a foo-foo overpriced underfeeding fancy-pants joint called (my second clue as to its utter uselessness) "smallwares" (seriously? SERIOUSLY??):
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/62645555/smallwares-menu.pdf
Tell me if ANY of that makes sense. Could it BE more precious, twee, fey, PORTLAND?! Could we throw in a few more super-pretentious hyper-contrived ingredient combinations? The only items in my wheelhouse were the chicken and steak; I hate chicken wings and only eat steak with "frites" but given the (lack of) choice I went with the chicken. And was rewarded with five measly super-salty wings (more gristle than meat) with generic "Buffalo-style" spice and a small bowl of flavorless sticky rice (a side order). That's a meal?
Understand, I'm not a blinkered flyover-country yahoo who considers Golden Corral's endless buffet haute cuisine. I know from fine dining. And this isn't it. This is simply yet another self-indulgent supposed foodie chef inflicting gustatorial mayhem on an unsuspecting populace.
All I wanted was a nice dinner (insert Griffin Dunne quote from After Hours here)(uutoob fail!).
(In fairness I should emphasize that the staff could not have been nicer; they treated me better than I deserved and were enthusiastic yet professional, but even that couldn't make up for the abysmal cuisine.)
Our local Nwalins restaurant has been under renovation and out of commission for ~6 mos, but today I noticed the brown paper was finally torn from the windows and folks were chowing down inside, so I schlepped out in the chilly rain to get me the gumbo and hush puppies and jambalaya and other deelish fixins I've been craving for so long. I should have stayed home, warm and dry, and had leftovers instead.
Right off the bat I noticed the decor's VERY different now (my first clue); I settled down at my table, picked up the menu and discovered...it's now a foo-foo overpriced underfeeding fancy-pants joint called (my second clue as to its utter uselessness) "smallwares" (seriously? SERIOUSLY??):
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/62645555/smallwares-menu.pdf
Tell me if ANY of that makes sense. Could it BE more precious, twee, fey, PORTLAND?! Could we throw in a few more super-pretentious hyper-contrived ingredient combinations? The only items in my wheelhouse were the chicken and steak; I hate chicken wings and only eat steak with "frites" but given the (lack of) choice I went with the chicken. And was rewarded with five measly super-salty wings (more gristle than meat) with generic "Buffalo-style" spice and a small bowl of flavorless sticky rice (a side order). That's a meal?
Understand, I'm not a blinkered flyover-country yahoo who considers Golden Corral's endless buffet haute cuisine. I know from fine dining. And this isn't it. This is simply yet another self-indulgent supposed foodie chef inflicting gustatorial mayhem on an unsuspecting populace.
All I wanted was a nice dinner (insert Griffin Dunne quote from After Hours here)(uutoob fail!).
(In fairness I should emphasize that the staff could not have been nicer; they treated me better than I deserved and were enthusiastic yet professional, but even that couldn't make up for the abysmal cuisine.)