(no subject)
Title: Woke up new
Pairing: Ohno/Nino
Rating: Pg
Disclaimer: Do not own
Summary: it was a long time coming, but it happens. Ohno and Nino wake up in their own beds alone, for the first time in years and reflect on what being free really means.
A/N: For tonieboo0013 for the arashi_on fundraiser, based on the song Woke up New by the Mountain Goats.
-
It's Ohno who ends things. Although it's not really like that; it's been over for years and all they've been doing is hanging on and fighting for the love they remember. Nino, Nino doesn't have the strength to put an end to it and so when Ohno sits him down and kisses him one last time, he knows that it's for the best.
They're not happy, underneath everything, and all Nino wants is for them to be happy. If they have to be apart for it to work, Nino acknowledges it, accepts it and kisses Ohno back.
For the first time in a long while, it's a kiss that means something; good-byes and thank-yous and perhaps a bitter-sweet remnant of the beautiful love that brought them together in the first place.
They even leave together, more out of habit than anything else. Nino drops Ohno at Ohno's house (he used to think of it as home, but Nino can't do that anymore, not now.) and waits as Ohno helps him pack the stuff he's accumulated over the years into the box that came with the TV Ohno bought a few months back.
'Bye,' says Ohno, as Nino walks to the lift with his box of stuff. He smiles, hesitant and hopeful and a little wistful.
Nino smiles back (and he wonders what emotions surface and lace themselves in his smile), 'Bye,' he whispers, and in it rings a certainty that it's for real.
The lift door shuts, and with it, Nino tells himself, a chapter of his life that he'll always remember as Youth and First love. Let go, he orders himself, and in a way, he does. The heavy rock of discontent that sits on his belly eases and his heart without Ohno in it feels lighter than ever before.
Nino sleeps in the middle of his bed with three pillows instead of on the left with only two pillows and Ohno's futon.
Tomorrow, he thinks, tomorrow.
-
Ohno wakes up to the sound of his phone ringing. It's his manager and Ohno has twenty minutes to reach set before he enters the zone of being in Very Big Trouble. He looks to the left. Nino isn't there, which isn't unusual when Nino has a drama, except, Ohno realizes, Nino doesn't have a drama now, it's because Nino isn't here anymore.
It's a strange feeling, because a single man, Strange, but not unpleasant ; Ohno is free, and Nino is too.
Ohno smiles.
There isn't an extra onigiri on the table when Ohno stumbles out of the shower, wearing one sock and his jacket half-on. Nino usually leaves one when he leaves early. but Nino isn't here, Ohno reminds himself. Nino isn't here. It's not bad, that there isn't onigiri, just different.
'It's time for change,' Ohno says aloud into the silence as he eats a bowl of cornflakes. It sounds weak and flat against the thick layers of quiet that drape about his shoulders and Ohno doesn't understand why;
-
Nino wakes up at eight-thirty to the sound of nothing at all. He drags himself out of bed and through his standard two minute routine of getting ready for work and then into his kitchen. He pulls two onigiri out of the fridge and warms them up. He eats one, and puts the other on a plate under a bowl before he stops and remembers.
'Idiot,' says Nino, 'Idiot, idiot,idiot.'
He eats the other onigiri too, even though he's full enough to last till dinner.
-
Ohno can't find his keys. He has four minutes till his manager calls to demand an explanation for his late-ness and there is a packet of cornflakes on his dining table that is annoying him. Ohno decides that he hates cornflakes, hates everything associated with them and he hates having to eat them for breakfast instead of warm riceballs that Nino has a habit of making in bulk and keeping for weeks.
He finds the keys buried under yesterday's laundry.
'What did i do,' he mutters to himself, as he jogs downstairs, 'idiot, idiot,idiot.'
-
They say that the more you can't have someone, the more you want to. And it's stupid, it's so, so stupid, because it's true. They were doing it all wrong, Nino realizes, because they'd never known how to do it any other way. It was too familiar, too routine, too stifling that they rebelled, fighting themselves and then each other.
Nino was miserable then. But never lonely.
He's not miserable now, but he's never felt so alone.
Nino wonders if snatching freedom and embracing what seemed to be for the best has cost him everything else.
-
Ohno doesn't go to set. He'll get yelled at for ten minutes just as much he will for ten hours. It doesn't seem too big a deal. Nothing does, when you're already sinking. And Ohno is sinking. He's floundering, even though his mind tells him that he's doing it all right.
It's painfully confusing, being free. Ohno finds himself and his emotions swept along with the wind, varying and fluctuating until they're all blown out. He's tired, so, so tired.
He's lost too, terribly lost in a maze made out of cornflakes and the left side of a king-sized bed and warm riceballs that taste of Nino.
-
what would I do without you, what would I do without you
-
It's frightening, being alone. Nino hates times like these when there isn't anyone to lean on. It scares him, in ways far stronger than how one would be afraid of the dark or of heights. It gnaws at his mind, throwing his thoughts into disarray.
He wants - Nino isn't sure what he wants.
Yesterday, Nino wanted Tomorrow. He wanted a Tomorrow where he could find peace, even without Ohno. Today, Nino wants Yesterday. He wants to travel back to years and years back, when he thought he knew what love meant and felt it accordingly. It was perfect, then.
Not like now.
Nino doesn't know what he should do anymore.
Move on, whispers his mind, Move on and let go. Find someone else.
Someone else won't do though, Nino's heart screams, because only Ohno is enough to fill up Nino's void and, until now, Nino had forgotten.
-
Ohno has always been the stronger one. They both know this. It's Ohno who carries Nino, bringing Nino's strength out and mixing it with his own and then using it to pull both of them through life.
Ohno realizes that he still thinks about them in present tense. it hits him, because Ohno knows that he can't start a new beginning if he never really let anything end.
Ohno can't end it though. And he'd forgotten after time mellowed them out and set their relationship into stone that neither of them realized was theirs to break. Ohno can't because he's not really all that strong. It's Nino's strength that he draws on because Nino doesn't dare to, doesn't want to, because Nino doesn't want to do it alone. Ohno stands on the street outside his house and breathes in the cool, fresh air. Ohno isn't strong enough to do anything by himself. He takes another breath of air that sweeps through his senses like an icy cold bath. No - Ohno isn't strong, and Nino isn't strong. Together, they manage.
'Idiot,' says Ohno, ' Idiot, idiot, idiot,' and wakes up for the second time Today.
It's time for change.
-
They wanted the dreary, murky routine to end, so much so that it ceased to be just routine they hated, but the thought of them and what they had. they ended it, willingly, peacefully, calmly and with it, two hearts full of love, built up and hide, waiting to be found and spilled out. One can never truly get rid of love though. The Love stays, growing persistent and relentless.
-
Nino wakes up on the left side of his bed.
-
Onno wakes up on the right side of his bed
-
It's another chapter of new beginnings.
fin
I'm going rusty, aaack :/
For everyone else who requested fic, I promise I've been working on your requests too. I'll do up a post soon for the requests and what stage they're actually on, since I know it's been quite a few weeks since the first few requests.
The fic here isn't locked, so you don't have to join but if you do want updates and stuff, feel free to join/watch
Pairing: Ohno/Nino
Rating: Pg
Disclaimer: Do not own
Summary: it was a long time coming, but it happens. Ohno and Nino wake up in their own beds alone, for the first time in years and reflect on what being free really means.
A/N: For tonieboo0013 for the arashi_on fundraiser, based on the song Woke up New by the Mountain Goats.
-
It's Ohno who ends things. Although it's not really like that; it's been over for years and all they've been doing is hanging on and fighting for the love they remember. Nino, Nino doesn't have the strength to put an end to it and so when Ohno sits him down and kisses him one last time, he knows that it's for the best.
They're not happy, underneath everything, and all Nino wants is for them to be happy. If they have to be apart for it to work, Nino acknowledges it, accepts it and kisses Ohno back.
For the first time in a long while, it's a kiss that means something; good-byes and thank-yous and perhaps a bitter-sweet remnant of the beautiful love that brought them together in the first place.
They even leave together, more out of habit than anything else. Nino drops Ohno at Ohno's house (he used to think of it as home, but Nino can't do that anymore, not now.) and waits as Ohno helps him pack the stuff he's accumulated over the years into the box that came with the TV Ohno bought a few months back.
'Bye,' says Ohno, as Nino walks to the lift with his box of stuff. He smiles, hesitant and hopeful and a little wistful.
Nino smiles back (and he wonders what emotions surface and lace themselves in his smile), 'Bye,' he whispers, and in it rings a certainty that it's for real.
The lift door shuts, and with it, Nino tells himself, a chapter of his life that he'll always remember as Youth and First love. Let go, he orders himself, and in a way, he does. The heavy rock of discontent that sits on his belly eases and his heart without Ohno in it feels lighter than ever before.
Nino sleeps in the middle of his bed with three pillows instead of on the left with only two pillows and Ohno's futon.
Tomorrow, he thinks, tomorrow.
-
Ohno wakes up to the sound of his phone ringing. It's his manager and Ohno has twenty minutes to reach set before he enters the zone of being in Very Big Trouble. He looks to the left. Nino isn't there, which isn't unusual when Nino has a drama, except, Ohno realizes, Nino doesn't have a drama now, it's because Nino isn't here anymore.
It's a strange feeling, because a single man, Strange, but not unpleasant ; Ohno is free, and Nino is too.
Ohno smiles.
There isn't an extra onigiri on the table when Ohno stumbles out of the shower, wearing one sock and his jacket half-on. Nino usually leaves one when he leaves early. but Nino isn't here, Ohno reminds himself. Nino isn't here. It's not bad, that there isn't onigiri, just different.
'It's time for change,' Ohno says aloud into the silence as he eats a bowl of cornflakes. It sounds weak and flat against the thick layers of quiet that drape about his shoulders and Ohno doesn't understand why;
-
Nino wakes up at eight-thirty to the sound of nothing at all. He drags himself out of bed and through his standard two minute routine of getting ready for work and then into his kitchen. He pulls two onigiri out of the fridge and warms them up. He eats one, and puts the other on a plate under a bowl before he stops and remembers.
'Idiot,' says Nino, 'Idiot, idiot,idiot.'
He eats the other onigiri too, even though he's full enough to last till dinner.
-
Ohno can't find his keys. He has four minutes till his manager calls to demand an explanation for his late-ness and there is a packet of cornflakes on his dining table that is annoying him. Ohno decides that he hates cornflakes, hates everything associated with them and he hates having to eat them for breakfast instead of warm riceballs that Nino has a habit of making in bulk and keeping for weeks.
He finds the keys buried under yesterday's laundry.
'What did i do,' he mutters to himself, as he jogs downstairs, 'idiot, idiot,idiot.'
-
They say that the more you can't have someone, the more you want to. And it's stupid, it's so, so stupid, because it's true. They were doing it all wrong, Nino realizes, because they'd never known how to do it any other way. It was too familiar, too routine, too stifling that they rebelled, fighting themselves and then each other.
Nino was miserable then. But never lonely.
He's not miserable now, but he's never felt so alone.
Nino wonders if snatching freedom and embracing what seemed to be for the best has cost him everything else.
-
Ohno doesn't go to set. He'll get yelled at for ten minutes just as much he will for ten hours. It doesn't seem too big a deal. Nothing does, when you're already sinking. And Ohno is sinking. He's floundering, even though his mind tells him that he's doing it all right.
It's painfully confusing, being free. Ohno finds himself and his emotions swept along with the wind, varying and fluctuating until they're all blown out. He's tired, so, so tired.
He's lost too, terribly lost in a maze made out of cornflakes and the left side of a king-sized bed and warm riceballs that taste of Nino.
-
what would I do without you, what would I do without you
-
It's frightening, being alone. Nino hates times like these when there isn't anyone to lean on. It scares him, in ways far stronger than how one would be afraid of the dark or of heights. It gnaws at his mind, throwing his thoughts into disarray.
He wants - Nino isn't sure what he wants.
Yesterday, Nino wanted Tomorrow. He wanted a Tomorrow where he could find peace, even without Ohno. Today, Nino wants Yesterday. He wants to travel back to years and years back, when he thought he knew what love meant and felt it accordingly. It was perfect, then.
Not like now.
Nino doesn't know what he should do anymore.
Move on, whispers his mind, Move on and let go. Find someone else.
Someone else won't do though, Nino's heart screams, because only Ohno is enough to fill up Nino's void and, until now, Nino had forgotten.
-
Ohno has always been the stronger one. They both know this. It's Ohno who carries Nino, bringing Nino's strength out and mixing it with his own and then using it to pull both of them through life.
Ohno realizes that he still thinks about them in present tense. it hits him, because Ohno knows that he can't start a new beginning if he never really let anything end.
Ohno can't end it though. And he'd forgotten after time mellowed them out and set their relationship into stone that neither of them realized was theirs to break. Ohno can't because he's not really all that strong. It's Nino's strength that he draws on because Nino doesn't dare to, doesn't want to, because Nino doesn't want to do it alone. Ohno stands on the street outside his house and breathes in the cool, fresh air. Ohno isn't strong enough to do anything by himself. He takes another breath of air that sweeps through his senses like an icy cold bath. No - Ohno isn't strong, and Nino isn't strong. Together, they manage.
'Idiot,' says Ohno, ' Idiot, idiot, idiot,' and wakes up for the second time Today.
It's time for change.
-
They wanted the dreary, murky routine to end, so much so that it ceased to be just routine they hated, but the thought of them and what they had. they ended it, willingly, peacefully, calmly and with it, two hearts full of love, built up and hide, waiting to be found and spilled out. One can never truly get rid of love though. The Love stays, growing persistent and relentless.
-
Nino wakes up on the left side of his bed.
-
Onno wakes up on the right side of his bed
-
It's another chapter of new beginnings.
fin
I'm going rusty, aaack :/
For everyone else who requested fic, I promise I've been working on your requests too. I'll do up a post soon for the requests and what stage they're actually on, since I know it's been quite a few weeks since the first few requests.
The fic here isn't locked, so you don't have to join but if you do want updates and stuff, feel free to join/watch