[fic] yoomin; Your Never-Ending Search For Sorrow
Title: Your Never-Ending Search For Sorrow
Author: konnistique
Length: 1 807 words / One-shot
Genre: AU, angst, drama.
Rating: PG
Summary: An artist losing his vision is like a fish out of water.
Pairing/Prompt: DBSK's Random Pairing/Prompt Generator demands Yoochun x Changmin / Perpetual Daylight
Warnings: Alternate-Universe.
Written for the wonderful
lavenie_2619 :D Because being a high school student is pretty stressful, so you need friends like ME! to cheer you up with fic! :) Hang in there!
~♣~
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
~'Way Back Into Love', Hugh Grant
---
Junsu paused outside a polished, mahogany door with one hand frozen on the handle. He stared fixated upon the glossy wood, inhaled, and then turned to the figure standing next to him, the scene, once again, giving him an undeniable sense of déjà vu.
“Are you sure? Positively sure?”
“Yes, and you can stop asking me this every single time, Junsu. Just go.”
“Look, sooner or later you’ll have to-“
The annoyed expression on the other’s face cut whatever he was going to say. Shaking his head, he pushed the door open and clicked it shut behind him.
~♣~
Changmin perked up at the sound of the door clicking shut. He yawned and pushed himself into a seating position on the bed, reaching a hand up to smooth down his hair. He heard quiet footsteps shuffling closer.
“Junsu… is that you?”
He heard the shuffling go right past the foot of his bed to the other side of the room. “Yeah, it’s me. How’re you feeling today?”
Changmin heard the unmistakable sounds of the curtains being drawn back and the window being slid open, then a stream of warm breeze ghosted along his arms. He sighed, “I’ve been fine for awhile now, you already know that.” He felt the warm rays hit his cheeks and brought his hands out from under the sheets to bask in the warmth.
“I know. You’ll be able to leave here soon.”
Changmin tilted his head in the direction of Junsu’s voice. He heard some rustling followed by the sound of running liquid before a soft thud sounded on the table in front of him.
“Here, have some home-made lemonade.” He felt Junsu’s hand around his before it was lifted and a cool glass was placed in his hands, “Jaejoong made it especially for you, so drink up!”
Sounds of a chair scraping the floor and rustles of a plastic bag met Changmin’s ears as he clutched the glass in his hands. “Thank him for me,” he whispered. Taking a slow sip, he realised the glass was filled approximately two-thirds of the way up. He lowered the glass and turned his head in the vague direction of where the warmth of the sunlight was streaming in from, “How is he, by the way?”
“He’s doing well. The kindergarten’s as lively as ever and the children love him. He loves each and every one of them too. And if you ask me, had the children not already have such great parents, he’d so kidnap them all home.”
Changmin burst into peals of laughter. Somehow he could imagine Jaejoong doing that and he told Junsu so.
“Yeah well, that’s Jaejoong for you. Oh by the way, he wouldn’t want me telling you this, but I’ve noticed that he seemed to have taken a liking to one of the kids' divorced father. It’s ridiculously fun to watch. You see him hiding behind a tree every single day after school just watching father and son walk hand-in-hand to their car.”
At this point, Junsu had been unable to control his own laughter and Changmin found the sound very soothing. “You’re making Jaejoong sound like some lovesick schoolboy. But it doesn’t seem like a very bad thing; he needs some romance in his life. It took him way too long getting over his past relationship.”
Junsu smirked, “I’m not making him sound like one, he really does act like one.” He glanced at his watch, “He should be hiding behind that tree right about… now.”
Smiling at that mental image, Changmin propped an elbow on his knee and placed a hand under his chin, “Hm… maybe you could do something about it.”
Laughing at his suggestion, Junsu voiced his own thoughts, “To be honest, I was thinking of matchmaking them, that is, after I have a nice chat with that kid’s father. I mean, he seems like a nice guy and all, and his kid is absolutely smitten with Jaejoong, but it’s better to be safe than sorry,” he paused as if unsure whether he should leave it at that or not, “I’ll probably track him down after you get released.”
“Junsu? …I appreciate you taking time off work to come visit me everyday.”
At the foot of the bed, Junsu busied himself with washing the fruits, “I would be touched by those words… had you not been telling me that every single day,” he laughed softly and set about peeling an apple with a knife. He lifted his head and saw Changmin with his eyes locked upon the window.
“Well, since I’ll be able to leave soon, I thought I’ll tell you how much this means to me.”
Junsu paused in his ministrations and frowned, “Is it just me or are you a bit sentimental today?”
Changmin chuckled, “Well think of it this way, when I get out of here, it means I have to face the world and its people again. Things will be different and-” his smile diminished, “And I don’t think I’m ready to face the world just yet.”
Placing the peeled apple on a plate, Junsu sliced it right down the middle. He sighed, “It will take some getting used to, that's for sure, and for others to get used to you, but in the end, we’re still us, and you’re still you,” he reasoned softly.
“Junsu…” Changmin shifted slightly on the bed and paused as if unsure of how to word his thoughts, “I-I know we haven’t touched upon this topic for the past 21 days since I’ve been admitted in here, but I really want to know. I want to be prepared when I get out of here…”
Junsu knew just what the other was trying to ask by the tone Changmin had called his name in. He was sure the question must have been weighing in the other’s mind for quite some time now, and although he’d expected it, he half-wished Changmin wouldn’t ask, at least, not him.
“Junsu, how’s… how’s Yoochun?”
And somehow Junsu was glad Changmin couldn’t see the sympathetic expression on his face. He smiled slightly at the apparent awkward silence that followed and the squirming Changmin because if there was one thing Changmin didn't like, it was silence. However, his smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“Changmin…” he started, still unsure of how to put it and hoping against hope the other wouldn't hear the uncertainty lacing his voice, “he’s… fine,” Junsu felt lame even as he said it. Coughing slightly, he moved on, “But I think the question here should be, ‘How do you feel about him now?’” he placed the plate of apples in front of Changmin. “Do you forgive him?”
Leaning back against the pillows, Changmin felt like he had just run a marathon, “There’s nothing to forgive, Junsu. It was an accident. The road was slippery and it was dark. Anyone could have lost control of the wheel. And…” he licked his lips and breathed out his next words, “It was sheer bad luck we crashed.”
Junsu took a seat beside him on the bed and placed a soothing hand on his knee. “You know I’m not talking about that,” he chided softly and watched Changmin turn away from him, “Do you forgive him for taking away the most important thing in your life?”
"..."
"...Changmin?"
“That’s not the most imp-”
“You’re an artist, Changmin. A painter! To you, your vision is the most important thing in your life!”
“I KNOW!”
He leaned his head back against the top of the bed and closed his eyes, one hand clenching the sheets on the bed, “I know that, Junsu,” he said in a strangled voice, “I know. But I want to stop being angry. I spent the past 21 days tearing my heart out in frustration and I’m tired of it. It takes a lot of energy to be angry and in the end; I don’t even know who I’m angry at-myself or him. And I end up feeling helpless and confused and-”
Junsu pulled Changmin into his arms, thinking, perhaps, it had been a mistake to touch upon this topic after all. But now that he had pulled at the loose threads, it would be easier to let things unravel, “Don’t even think for a minute that you’re alone here, because we’ll all help you through this, all of us, together. Everything you see around you may be black right now, but soon… soon you’ll be able to feel the light around you. And this light will be as real as you and me.” Blinking back his own tears at the amount of anguish the other was feeling, Junsu thought that, right now, Changmin had never looked more his age. He looked like a young man who just had his promising future ripped clean away from him and, he knew, that was pretty much the truth.
After a minute of muffled sobbing and quiet sniffles, Junsu continued, “But Changmin… it’s going to take Yoochun much longer to get over this. After all, your career just died in his hands.”
Laying his head on Junsu’s shoulder, Changmin suddenly felt like a huge burden had just been lifted off from him. “I know. We’ll get through this together. We’ll build a stronger bond and a happier life from now, and by putting this incident behind us, is the first step. I want to forgive him, Junsu. I want to forgive him because I love him.”
Junsu caressed his dark locks with one hand and held him closer with the other, “I know you do, Changmin. And I know he does too.”
“I just… want some light back in my life.”
And as soft as that was whispered into his ears, Junsu caught the message behind it loud and clear, ‘I want some love back in my life.’
~♣~
Outside the hospital room, Yoochun closed his eyes and tried to ignore the prickling behind his eyelids. In one hand, he held the very last painting Changmin had painted.
“…’Never-Ending Search for Sorrow’? Isn’t that a depressing name for such a bright piece? I can only see the sun overlooking a meadow full of sunflowers here. Where’s the sorrow?”
“Ah, you’re not looking hard enough, Yoochun.”
Disgruntled by the knowing grin on the other’s face, he turned the painting around in his hands, “I still can’t see the-“ he paused and frowned, “….search for sorrow…”
Pushing himself off the wall he was leaning on, he walked down the hallway, vowing to come back tomorrow. And unlike the past 21 times he’d come with Junsu, this time he’ll go in, sweep Changmin off his feet, and take his first steps on the path to redemption.
“Yoochun, ‘never-ending’ means the search will cease to end; hence there will be no sorrow in a place of eternal daylight.”
~♣~
others.
A/N: Okay, that was cheesy. It's not even full-blown fluff and already writing it gives me goosebumps. (You can only imagine how much I'd suffer trying to write fluff!) So, now you know I can't write fluff. And damnit, "Perpetual Daylight" was such a hard prompt to use. I almost gave up, but see... I'm stubborn and I didn't allow myself to stop. (Hence why this turned out so.. ugh.)
...um, comments would be nice! (Even if just a "please stop writing!") :D I hope you liked this, Dee. If you didn't, I'm sorry D:
And regarding Jaejoong and his mysterious guy... who do you think it is? XD I just realised I didn't name him. But I guess, it's not really important, so, you can imagine him to be anyone you want~! (Which DBSK member isn't mentioned here?) Ahem.. yeah. I'll go and hide now.
Feedback/comments are very much appreciated! Thank you for dropping by! ♥
Author: konnistique
Length: 1 807 words / One-shot
Genre: AU, angst, drama.
Rating: PG
Summary: An artist losing his vision is like a fish out of water.
Pairing/Prompt: DBSK's Random Pairing/Prompt Generator demands Yoochun x Changmin / Perpetual Daylight
Warnings: Alternate-Universe.
Written for the wonderful
lavenie_2619 :D Because being a high school student is pretty stressful, so you need friends like ME! to cheer you up with fic! :) Hang in there!
~♣~
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
~'Way Back Into Love', Hugh Grant
---
Junsu paused outside a polished, mahogany door with one hand frozen on the handle. He stared fixated upon the glossy wood, inhaled, and then turned to the figure standing next to him, the scene, once again, giving him an undeniable sense of déjà vu.
“Are you sure? Positively sure?”
“Yes, and you can stop asking me this every single time, Junsu. Just go.”
“Look, sooner or later you’ll have to-“
The annoyed expression on the other’s face cut whatever he was going to say. Shaking his head, he pushed the door open and clicked it shut behind him.
~♣~
Changmin perked up at the sound of the door clicking shut. He yawned and pushed himself into a seating position on the bed, reaching a hand up to smooth down his hair. He heard quiet footsteps shuffling closer.
“Junsu… is that you?”
He heard the shuffling go right past the foot of his bed to the other side of the room. “Yeah, it’s me. How’re you feeling today?”
Changmin heard the unmistakable sounds of the curtains being drawn back and the window being slid open, then a stream of warm breeze ghosted along his arms. He sighed, “I’ve been fine for awhile now, you already know that.” He felt the warm rays hit his cheeks and brought his hands out from under the sheets to bask in the warmth.
“I know. You’ll be able to leave here soon.”
Changmin tilted his head in the direction of Junsu’s voice. He heard some rustling followed by the sound of running liquid before a soft thud sounded on the table in front of him.
“Here, have some home-made lemonade.” He felt Junsu’s hand around his before it was lifted and a cool glass was placed in his hands, “Jaejoong made it especially for you, so drink up!”
Sounds of a chair scraping the floor and rustles of a plastic bag met Changmin’s ears as he clutched the glass in his hands. “Thank him for me,” he whispered. Taking a slow sip, he realised the glass was filled approximately two-thirds of the way up. He lowered the glass and turned his head in the vague direction of where the warmth of the sunlight was streaming in from, “How is he, by the way?”
“He’s doing well. The kindergarten’s as lively as ever and the children love him. He loves each and every one of them too. And if you ask me, had the children not already have such great parents, he’d so kidnap them all home.”
Changmin burst into peals of laughter. Somehow he could imagine Jaejoong doing that and he told Junsu so.
“Yeah well, that’s Jaejoong for you. Oh by the way, he wouldn’t want me telling you this, but I’ve noticed that he seemed to have taken a liking to one of the kids' divorced father. It’s ridiculously fun to watch. You see him hiding behind a tree every single day after school just watching father and son walk hand-in-hand to their car.”
At this point, Junsu had been unable to control his own laughter and Changmin found the sound very soothing. “You’re making Jaejoong sound like some lovesick schoolboy. But it doesn’t seem like a very bad thing; he needs some romance in his life. It took him way too long getting over his past relationship.”
Junsu smirked, “I’m not making him sound like one, he really does act like one.” He glanced at his watch, “He should be hiding behind that tree right about… now.”
Smiling at that mental image, Changmin propped an elbow on his knee and placed a hand under his chin, “Hm… maybe you could do something about it.”
Laughing at his suggestion, Junsu voiced his own thoughts, “To be honest, I was thinking of matchmaking them, that is, after I have a nice chat with that kid’s father. I mean, he seems like a nice guy and all, and his kid is absolutely smitten with Jaejoong, but it’s better to be safe than sorry,” he paused as if unsure whether he should leave it at that or not, “I’ll probably track him down after you get released.”
“Junsu? …I appreciate you taking time off work to come visit me everyday.”
At the foot of the bed, Junsu busied himself with washing the fruits, “I would be touched by those words… had you not been telling me that every single day,” he laughed softly and set about peeling an apple with a knife. He lifted his head and saw Changmin with his eyes locked upon the window.
“Well, since I’ll be able to leave soon, I thought I’ll tell you how much this means to me.”
Junsu paused in his ministrations and frowned, “Is it just me or are you a bit sentimental today?”
Changmin chuckled, “Well think of it this way, when I get out of here, it means I have to face the world and its people again. Things will be different and-” his smile diminished, “And I don’t think I’m ready to face the world just yet.”
Placing the peeled apple on a plate, Junsu sliced it right down the middle. He sighed, “It will take some getting used to, that's for sure, and for others to get used to you, but in the end, we’re still us, and you’re still you,” he reasoned softly.
“Junsu…” Changmin shifted slightly on the bed and paused as if unsure of how to word his thoughts, “I-I know we haven’t touched upon this topic for the past 21 days since I’ve been admitted in here, but I really want to know. I want to be prepared when I get out of here…”
Junsu knew just what the other was trying to ask by the tone Changmin had called his name in. He was sure the question must have been weighing in the other’s mind for quite some time now, and although he’d expected it, he half-wished Changmin wouldn’t ask, at least, not him.
“Junsu, how’s… how’s Yoochun?”
And somehow Junsu was glad Changmin couldn’t see the sympathetic expression on his face. He smiled slightly at the apparent awkward silence that followed and the squirming Changmin because if there was one thing Changmin didn't like, it was silence. However, his smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“Changmin…” he started, still unsure of how to put it and hoping against hope the other wouldn't hear the uncertainty lacing his voice, “he’s… fine,” Junsu felt lame even as he said it. Coughing slightly, he moved on, “But I think the question here should be, ‘How do you feel about him now?’” he placed the plate of apples in front of Changmin. “Do you forgive him?”
Leaning back against the pillows, Changmin felt like he had just run a marathon, “There’s nothing to forgive, Junsu. It was an accident. The road was slippery and it was dark. Anyone could have lost control of the wheel. And…” he licked his lips and breathed out his next words, “It was sheer bad luck we crashed.”
Junsu took a seat beside him on the bed and placed a soothing hand on his knee. “You know I’m not talking about that,” he chided softly and watched Changmin turn away from him, “Do you forgive him for taking away the most important thing in your life?”
"..."
"...Changmin?"
“That’s not the most imp-”
“You’re an artist, Changmin. A painter! To you, your vision is the most important thing in your life!”
“I KNOW!”
He leaned his head back against the top of the bed and closed his eyes, one hand clenching the sheets on the bed, “I know that, Junsu,” he said in a strangled voice, “I know. But I want to stop being angry. I spent the past 21 days tearing my heart out in frustration and I’m tired of it. It takes a lot of energy to be angry and in the end; I don’t even know who I’m angry at-myself or him. And I end up feeling helpless and confused and-”
Junsu pulled Changmin into his arms, thinking, perhaps, it had been a mistake to touch upon this topic after all. But now that he had pulled at the loose threads, it would be easier to let things unravel, “Don’t even think for a minute that you’re alone here, because we’ll all help you through this, all of us, together. Everything you see around you may be black right now, but soon… soon you’ll be able to feel the light around you. And this light will be as real as you and me.” Blinking back his own tears at the amount of anguish the other was feeling, Junsu thought that, right now, Changmin had never looked more his age. He looked like a young man who just had his promising future ripped clean away from him and, he knew, that was pretty much the truth.
After a minute of muffled sobbing and quiet sniffles, Junsu continued, “But Changmin… it’s going to take Yoochun much longer to get over this. After all, your career just died in his hands.”
Laying his head on Junsu’s shoulder, Changmin suddenly felt like a huge burden had just been lifted off from him. “I know. We’ll get through this together. We’ll build a stronger bond and a happier life from now, and by putting this incident behind us, is the first step. I want to forgive him, Junsu. I want to forgive him because I love him.”
Junsu caressed his dark locks with one hand and held him closer with the other, “I know you do, Changmin. And I know he does too.”
“I just… want some light back in my life.”
And as soft as that was whispered into his ears, Junsu caught the message behind it loud and clear, ‘I want some love back in my life.’
~♣~
Outside the hospital room, Yoochun closed his eyes and tried to ignore the prickling behind his eyelids. In one hand, he held the very last painting Changmin had painted.
“…’Never-Ending Search for Sorrow’? Isn’t that a depressing name for such a bright piece? I can only see the sun overlooking a meadow full of sunflowers here. Where’s the sorrow?”
“Ah, you’re not looking hard enough, Yoochun.”
Disgruntled by the knowing grin on the other’s face, he turned the painting around in his hands, “I still can’t see the-“ he paused and frowned, “….search for sorrow…”
Pushing himself off the wall he was leaning on, he walked down the hallway, vowing to come back tomorrow. And unlike the past 21 times he’d come with Junsu, this time he’ll go in, sweep Changmin off his feet, and take his first steps on the path to redemption.
“Yoochun, ‘never-ending’ means the search will cease to end; hence there will be no sorrow in a place of eternal daylight.”
~♣~
others.
A/N: Okay, that was cheesy. It's not even full-blown fluff and already writing it gives me goosebumps. (You can only imagine how much I'd suffer trying to write fluff!) So, now you know I can't write fluff. And damnit, "Perpetual Daylight" was such a hard prompt to use. I almost gave up, but see... I'm stubborn and I didn't allow myself to stop. (Hence why this turned out so.. ugh.)
...um, comments would be nice! (Even if just a "please stop writing!") :D I hope you liked this, Dee. If you didn't, I'm sorry D:
And regarding Jaejoong and his mysterious guy... who do you think it is? XD I just realised I didn't name him. But I guess, it's not really important, so, you can imagine him to be anyone you want~! (Which DBSK member isn't mentioned here?) Ahem.. yeah. I'll go and hide now.
Feedback/comments are very much appreciated! Thank you for dropping by! ♥