My Song is Love: You've Got Soul
Title: You've Got Soul
Series: My Song is Love
Author: Rachel
Pairing: B/A
Disclaimer: Joss owns everyone, I own nothing. I’m simply taking them out to play with. The title comes from A Message by Coldplay
Distribution: Ask first, I’ll probably say yes.
Rating: PG13 (for now anyway)
Spoilers: Post Chosen/Post-NFA
Notes: My world Post-NFA, takes place after On The Grey
Summary: But you don’t worry, you don’t worry, cause you've got soul
Feedback: Is loved and much appreciated :)
Hang out my window and over your head. Stare at your feelings to see where they end. You’re waiting here for someone else to break you from the inside. You've been so composed.
It came out of the blue, as so many of their conversations did these days, she couldn’t say whether it was a function of tension or relaxation. Right now, she was betting on the former. There had been touches and hand holding, but no kissing, with the exception of one impulsive kiss on her part, which was starting to bother her. Kissing Angel was one of her favorite pastimes, right up there was cuddling Angel. She hadn’t made the move herself because while she had, hopefully, made her feelings clear to him, he was still being as cagey and cryptic as ever. How lovely.
“There was someone else, when I was LA, a girl that is.” He started evenly. She blinked and felt her heart hit the floor. So much for feelings, he already had someone else.
“Oh,” she said, taking a seat in the chair by the window.
“Her name was Nina Ash, she got attacked by a werewolf one night when she was out running. She was just a normal girl, she had no idea what happened to her. We tracked her down, and told her what happened. I had a cage set up in the building so she have a safe place to be when the change came and we were helping her deal with everything that happened her.”
“That’s good,” she nodded, almost smiling as she thought of Oz and how he would appreciate the kindness to werewolves.
“She started... coming on to me, I guess you could say. It subtle, so subtle I didn’t even notice until everyone started pointing it out to me. I took her out, once, for...” He didn’t want to say coffee, oddly it had too much history between them, and it seemed sacrilege to bring it up with another women. “Breakfast. Nothing else happened, but when I came back from Rome.”
Taking a breath, he prepared to reveal his sins to his mate. He had acted like a boy, a stupid, jealous boy. He was envious or something he no longer had the right to be envious of, and he used someone innocent to get back at her. Even worse, in his jealously, he had broken his unspoken promise to wait for her. If they ever wanted to move on, he needed her to know, so the slate would be clean.
“After I heard about you dating the Immortal I...” he trailed off as he watched her face ashen. “Buffy, are you okay?” he asked, a panicking edged in his voice.
“H-how did you know about the Immortal? Xander doesn’t even know, and everyone else swore on pain of death that they wouldn’t... who told you?”
“The blond kid who was staying here, Andrew?”
If possible, she got even paler, and even turned a little green. “Oh Goddess. I suppose you want an explanation, huh?”
“Really, Buffy, I don’t-” She cut him off before he could ever start.
“No, you weren’t suppose to know, but now you do, so...” Deep breath, then she spoke. “There were rumors of a tribe of dark wizards who were going to mess with the Slayer Line. Now I highly doubt they could have done anything serious, since it took the ultimate evil and a wicca goddess to change it the last time, but I couldn’t take any chances. I didn’t know who these guys were or where they were, and I didn’t have very many contacts at the time, so I went to the Immortal. He agreed to give me any information I wanted, in exchange for a date.”
Angel was starting to feel worse by the second, and Buffy could no longer meet his eyes. “I’m responsible for these girls, their safety is on me so I took the diplomatic road and agreed. He took me out dancing, and it was actually kind of fun at first. Then about half way through the night, he pulls me off the floor calls me a whore, a traitor to my Calling, and a bunch of other things I’d rather not hear again. Basically, he told him he was using me to get to you and then he attacked me. I pretty much threw diplomacy out the window and beat the stuffing out of him. When I got home, I found out you had been there. Andrew wasn’t suppose to know who I was out with, I told him I was going dancing with Willow who was in town for a few weeks, and he said that’s what he told you.”
Angel’s thoughts filled with rage and the demon’s desires for making The Immortal pay for every single thing he had said to Buffy. To use his mate against him in such a manner, that he dared violate her in anyway at all, just to get to him. He was sure it was only punishable by a slow, painful death.
She sighed at the memory of it all. “It’s why I had to beat up the guy who you had following me. He was sweet guy too, nice wife, two daughters. I paid him double what you did so he’d stay away, he even offered to give it back to me when he heard there might have been an information leak,” she said, blinking away tears, but one still managed to escape. “I tried calling your office afterward, but you never took my calls.” She shrugged, “I didn’t think you knew about the date, just that he was seen near me. I thought if you’d known about it, you would taken the call so you could yell me about how stupid I was being.” She let out a hollow laugh and shook her head. “I’m sorry, the whole thing was a really dumb mistake.”
Angel was wondering if slightly human vampires could get sick. Not only had he been completely wrong and mislead about Buffy’s relationship with the Immortal, but based on the misinformation he had... oh god.
“Enough of Buffy’s Dating Disasters from Hell, what were you going to tell me?”
He shifted in his seat and stared at her floor. “Andrew made it seem like there had been more than one date, he said that you had moved on. I thought if you moved on, I should too... so I did.” He lifted his eyes from the ground long enough to watch the realization pass over her face, and the hurt that followed.
“You slept with her.”
He nodded gravely, ashamed to have to admit this to her. “Right before I started the war in L.A. I set her up with a bank account and gave her plane tickets to Paris so that she would be clear of the disaster area. I told her I’d come find her if I survived, but I don’t know where she is anymore, and...” he sighed, and wondered if he would ever stop screwing up the good things in his life. “Buffy,”
“It’s okay,” she interrupted, “You don’t have to say it.”
He looked stunned. “I don’t?”
“No, it’s no trouble. I’ll get Giles right on it, I can call him now.”
Angel blinked, deeply confused. “Giles? Huh?”
“You want to find her, that’s what this big lead up was about, right? Don’t worry, it shouldn’t be too hard, the Council has connection everyone. If she’s a werewolf, it’ll be easy enough.” She held up her hand to keep him from speaking. If he said another word, she might crack and beg him to stay with her and she wasn’t that kind of girl. If Angel didn’t want her, then she would... well, she would curl into a ball a die a thousand deaths while her heart shattered repeatedly in her chest. But not until after he left, he deserved true happiness, without any guilt or burden laid on him by her. He was going to be happy, and she was going to let him. With that thought, she even managed something close to a smile. “I’m happy for you, that found a nice, almost normal girl to love.”
Swallowing hard, she turned around to go into the other room to call Giles, and probably cry.
“Buffy, wait. That’s not what I meant.” She stopped but didn’t turn around. “I was hurt and upset when I had no right to be and I should have just talked to you, but I didn’t. I thought you were moving on, so I used Nina to make myself feel like I was moving on. I didn’t want to be the one stuck in the past of a relationship.” He stepped closer to her, but still not touching her. “I was wrong, you are my past, present and future, you are a part of me, you’re like air or blood, I can’t live without you. It was foolish to even try, and it was more foolish to think there was anyone else that could make me forget you. I hope you can forgive me.”
She wiped a tear from her eye, but didn’t turn to look at him. “I don’t know that there’s anything to forgive. I mean, I know we’ve been getting close over that last few weeks, but you never promised me anything, we haven’t even really kissed.” She turned around met his eyes. For a moment, she thought of nothing but drowning in them, and how pleasant a death that would be. “Bank account, plane tickets, that sounds like a girlfriend to me, and I don’t recall any rules that said you couldn’t have girlfriend. You shouldn’t feel forced to pick me just because I took care of you. You have the right to be with who you want.”
His lips quirked into a half smile, almost as if she was being silly. “Didn’t you hear what I said before? You’re my heart, I love you more than anything in this world. If this proves anything, it’s that I belong to you and no one else. Yes, I gave her a bank account, but I gave my deeds, insurance papers, and everything in my bank accounts to you.” Her eyes wide so wide he thought they were going to pop out, “I guess you didn’t look through all the papers I sent you in your rush to save me.”
“I didn’t know... I thought...” Her cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment. All this time she’d thought that he might not want her, only to find out...
Suddenly, his lips were a breath away from hers and she gasped at his arm went around her waist and his brushed her cheek. “As for kisses, all you had to do was ask.” He closed the distance and finally touched his lips to hers. Tentative at first, like when they were first together, soft and slow, relearning the taste of her mouth. Then he nipped her bottom lip, asking to be let in. She didn’t hesitate for a moment, parting her lips and letting herself wash in perfection of his kiss, and the promises of what was to come.
We all know there’s always something tearing you apart
It’s always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder then you thought
But you don’t worry, you don’t worry
Cause you've got soul - Soul by Matchbox 20
Series: My Song is Love
Author: Rachel
Pairing: B/A
Disclaimer: Joss owns everyone, I own nothing. I’m simply taking them out to play with. The title comes from A Message by Coldplay
Distribution: Ask first, I’ll probably say yes.
Rating: PG13 (for now anyway)
Spoilers: Post Chosen/Post-NFA
Notes: My world Post-NFA, takes place after On The Grey
Summary: But you don’t worry, you don’t worry, cause you've got soul
Feedback: Is loved and much appreciated :)
Hang out my window and over your head. Stare at your feelings to see where they end. You’re waiting here for someone else to break you from the inside. You've been so composed.
It came out of the blue, as so many of their conversations did these days, she couldn’t say whether it was a function of tension or relaxation. Right now, she was betting on the former. There had been touches and hand holding, but no kissing, with the exception of one impulsive kiss on her part, which was starting to bother her. Kissing Angel was one of her favorite pastimes, right up there was cuddling Angel. She hadn’t made the move herself because while she had, hopefully, made her feelings clear to him, he was still being as cagey and cryptic as ever. How lovely.
“There was someone else, when I was LA, a girl that is.” He started evenly. She blinked and felt her heart hit the floor. So much for feelings, he already had someone else.
“Oh,” she said, taking a seat in the chair by the window.
“Her name was Nina Ash, she got attacked by a werewolf one night when she was out running. She was just a normal girl, she had no idea what happened to her. We tracked her down, and told her what happened. I had a cage set up in the building so she have a safe place to be when the change came and we were helping her deal with everything that happened her.”
“That’s good,” she nodded, almost smiling as she thought of Oz and how he would appreciate the kindness to werewolves.
“She started... coming on to me, I guess you could say. It subtle, so subtle I didn’t even notice until everyone started pointing it out to me. I took her out, once, for...” He didn’t want to say coffee, oddly it had too much history between them, and it seemed sacrilege to bring it up with another women. “Breakfast. Nothing else happened, but when I came back from Rome.”
Taking a breath, he prepared to reveal his sins to his mate. He had acted like a boy, a stupid, jealous boy. He was envious or something he no longer had the right to be envious of, and he used someone innocent to get back at her. Even worse, in his jealously, he had broken his unspoken promise to wait for her. If they ever wanted to move on, he needed her to know, so the slate would be clean.
“After I heard about you dating the Immortal I...” he trailed off as he watched her face ashen. “Buffy, are you okay?” he asked, a panicking edged in his voice.
“H-how did you know about the Immortal? Xander doesn’t even know, and everyone else swore on pain of death that they wouldn’t... who told you?”
“The blond kid who was staying here, Andrew?”
If possible, she got even paler, and even turned a little green. “Oh Goddess. I suppose you want an explanation, huh?”
“Really, Buffy, I don’t-” She cut him off before he could ever start.
“No, you weren’t suppose to know, but now you do, so...” Deep breath, then she spoke. “There were rumors of a tribe of dark wizards who were going to mess with the Slayer Line. Now I highly doubt they could have done anything serious, since it took the ultimate evil and a wicca goddess to change it the last time, but I couldn’t take any chances. I didn’t know who these guys were or where they were, and I didn’t have very many contacts at the time, so I went to the Immortal. He agreed to give me any information I wanted, in exchange for a date.”
Angel was starting to feel worse by the second, and Buffy could no longer meet his eyes. “I’m responsible for these girls, their safety is on me so I took the diplomatic road and agreed. He took me out dancing, and it was actually kind of fun at first. Then about half way through the night, he pulls me off the floor calls me a whore, a traitor to my Calling, and a bunch of other things I’d rather not hear again. Basically, he told him he was using me to get to you and then he attacked me. I pretty much threw diplomacy out the window and beat the stuffing out of him. When I got home, I found out you had been there. Andrew wasn’t suppose to know who I was out with, I told him I was going dancing with Willow who was in town for a few weeks, and he said that’s what he told you.”
Angel’s thoughts filled with rage and the demon’s desires for making The Immortal pay for every single thing he had said to Buffy. To use his mate against him in such a manner, that he dared violate her in anyway at all, just to get to him. He was sure it was only punishable by a slow, painful death.
She sighed at the memory of it all. “It’s why I had to beat up the guy who you had following me. He was sweet guy too, nice wife, two daughters. I paid him double what you did so he’d stay away, he even offered to give it back to me when he heard there might have been an information leak,” she said, blinking away tears, but one still managed to escape. “I tried calling your office afterward, but you never took my calls.” She shrugged, “I didn’t think you knew about the date, just that he was seen near me. I thought if you’d known about it, you would taken the call so you could yell me about how stupid I was being.” She let out a hollow laugh and shook her head. “I’m sorry, the whole thing was a really dumb mistake.”
Angel was wondering if slightly human vampires could get sick. Not only had he been completely wrong and mislead about Buffy’s relationship with the Immortal, but based on the misinformation he had... oh god.
“Enough of Buffy’s Dating Disasters from Hell, what were you going to tell me?”
He shifted in his seat and stared at her floor. “Andrew made it seem like there had been more than one date, he said that you had moved on. I thought if you moved on, I should too... so I did.” He lifted his eyes from the ground long enough to watch the realization pass over her face, and the hurt that followed.
“You slept with her.”
He nodded gravely, ashamed to have to admit this to her. “Right before I started the war in L.A. I set her up with a bank account and gave her plane tickets to Paris so that she would be clear of the disaster area. I told her I’d come find her if I survived, but I don’t know where she is anymore, and...” he sighed, and wondered if he would ever stop screwing up the good things in his life. “Buffy,”
“It’s okay,” she interrupted, “You don’t have to say it.”
He looked stunned. “I don’t?”
“No, it’s no trouble. I’ll get Giles right on it, I can call him now.”
Angel blinked, deeply confused. “Giles? Huh?”
“You want to find her, that’s what this big lead up was about, right? Don’t worry, it shouldn’t be too hard, the Council has connection everyone. If she’s a werewolf, it’ll be easy enough.” She held up her hand to keep him from speaking. If he said another word, she might crack and beg him to stay with her and she wasn’t that kind of girl. If Angel didn’t want her, then she would... well, she would curl into a ball a die a thousand deaths while her heart shattered repeatedly in her chest. But not until after he left, he deserved true happiness, without any guilt or burden laid on him by her. He was going to be happy, and she was going to let him. With that thought, she even managed something close to a smile. “I’m happy for you, that found a nice, almost normal girl to love.”
Swallowing hard, she turned around to go into the other room to call Giles, and probably cry.
“Buffy, wait. That’s not what I meant.” She stopped but didn’t turn around. “I was hurt and upset when I had no right to be and I should have just talked to you, but I didn’t. I thought you were moving on, so I used Nina to make myself feel like I was moving on. I didn’t want to be the one stuck in the past of a relationship.” He stepped closer to her, but still not touching her. “I was wrong, you are my past, present and future, you are a part of me, you’re like air or blood, I can’t live without you. It was foolish to even try, and it was more foolish to think there was anyone else that could make me forget you. I hope you can forgive me.”
She wiped a tear from her eye, but didn’t turn to look at him. “I don’t know that there’s anything to forgive. I mean, I know we’ve been getting close over that last few weeks, but you never promised me anything, we haven’t even really kissed.” She turned around met his eyes. For a moment, she thought of nothing but drowning in them, and how pleasant a death that would be. “Bank account, plane tickets, that sounds like a girlfriend to me, and I don’t recall any rules that said you couldn’t have girlfriend. You shouldn’t feel forced to pick me just because I took care of you. You have the right to be with who you want.”
His lips quirked into a half smile, almost as if she was being silly. “Didn’t you hear what I said before? You’re my heart, I love you more than anything in this world. If this proves anything, it’s that I belong to you and no one else. Yes, I gave her a bank account, but I gave my deeds, insurance papers, and everything in my bank accounts to you.” Her eyes wide so wide he thought they were going to pop out, “I guess you didn’t look through all the papers I sent you in your rush to save me.”
“I didn’t know... I thought...” Her cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment. All this time she’d thought that he might not want her, only to find out...
Suddenly, his lips were a breath away from hers and she gasped at his arm went around her waist and his brushed her cheek. “As for kisses, all you had to do was ask.” He closed the distance and finally touched his lips to hers. Tentative at first, like when they were first together, soft and slow, relearning the taste of her mouth. Then he nipped her bottom lip, asking to be let in. She didn’t hesitate for a moment, parting her lips and letting herself wash in perfection of his kiss, and the promises of what was to come.
We all know there’s always something tearing you apart
It’s always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder then you thought
But you don’t worry, you don’t worry
Cause you've got soul - Soul by Matchbox 20