Day late, I know, but I've been out of town (no where exciting, just Lincoln and Bath).
I don't have an intrinsic problem with 'are you okay?' as a question regarding one's emotional state, I have an issue with it being repeated (I know I'm a girl, but I really don't understand the 'what's wrong?' 'nothing' game). I happen to like the societal function of 'are you okay?' when most people use it (note 'most', not 'all'). I like that it's a formal, verbal shorthand that doesn't demand anything of the responder. I really love that the responder can say 'yeah, I'm fine' and, even if it's a blatant lie, the questioner tactfully supplied an opportunity for the responder to give a verbal illusion if they so chose. On the other hand, it opens the responder to saying 'no' and then offering as much or as little as they want ('it's just been one of those days' to 'someone kicked my puppy. Hard'). It's a purposefully casual question so that whether the answer truly is 'yes' or a pretend 'yes', the conversation or interaction can move on without a hitch, without a pause for awkwardness. If it were less common or less casual, it would be inappropriate, since 'are you okay?' is casual enough that, should the conversation need to, it can move up in the serious stakes just as easily as it can slide into a completely different, less personal topic. If people ran around asking 'what's wrong? Is something up? You seem out of sorts today' every time they thought someone was acting out of the ordinary or seemed a bit down, it would be awful, as there isn't really a non-awkward exit from that and it puts too much weight on something that could be as simple as 'I'm a bit tired today, thanks'. 'Are you okay?' doesn't expect a certain caliber of response, so it's open to all of them and allows for the conversation to move quickly into an either heated or cool area, depending, which makes it pretty damn awesome.
This is not to say that it's not gratingly annoying when someone, generally bleeding heart, runs with 'are you sure? Are you really, really sure? Okay, if you're sure. Are you sure? Okay. *beat* (wistfully) I mean, if you're sure...' but I don't see that as a problem with the question, just with some people's inability to interact in a polite, sociable manner, and that's what's rude, not the words themselves.
I agree - it's only really asking it the 2nd and 3rd time that gets on my nerves. It becomes the equivalent of them saying "well, I think you're a liar, so I'll ask again." Which offends me, surprisingly enough.
nowhere exciting - I hate you. Then I won't tell you where I'm off to this weekend. I do, however, have a flight home on the 26th of this month, so you'll have me in person to put up with once again. Yeah!
Exactly. It either becomes 'I know you better than you know yourself, so whilst you may not have yet realised that something is wrong, I know' or 'you just politely expressed that you do not consider me one of the people with whom you are comfortable talking over things, so let me badger you into proving you wrong, that I am the perfect person to force myself into your business'. Neither of these are cool.
On you're birthday I'll be in...Malta, maybe? Or Florence. I can't remember. Next week's travels are all bleeding together. In any case, I'll be somewhere awesome in hono[u]r of your birthday. Feel loved.
Yes, yes we should. Hm. I'll let you know after I get back, since I'm not yet sure when I'm returning to England (I've a place in London starting in September).
I don't have an intrinsic problem with 'are you okay?' as a question regarding one's emotional state, I have an issue with it being repeated (I know I'm a girl, but I really don't understand the 'what's wrong?' 'nothing' game). I happen to like the societal function of 'are you okay?' when most people use it (note 'most', not 'all'). I like that it's a formal, verbal shorthand that doesn't demand anything of the responder. I really love that the responder can say 'yeah, I'm fine' and, even if it's a blatant lie, the questioner tactfully supplied an opportunity for the responder to give a verbal illusion if they so chose. On the other hand, it opens the responder to saying 'no' and then offering as much or as little as they want ('it's just been one of those days' to 'someone kicked my puppy. Hard'). It's a purposefully casual question so that whether the answer truly is 'yes' or a pretend 'yes', the conversation or interaction can move on without a hitch, without a pause for awkwardness. If it were less common or less casual, it would be inappropriate, since 'are you okay?' is casual enough that, should the conversation need to, it can move up in the serious stakes just as easily as it can slide into a completely different, less personal topic. If people ran around asking 'what's wrong? Is something up? You seem out of sorts today' every time they thought someone was acting out of the ordinary or seemed a bit down, it would be awful, as there isn't really a non-awkward exit from that and it puts too much weight on something that could be as simple as 'I'm a bit tired today, thanks'. 'Are you okay?' doesn't expect a certain caliber of response, so it's open to all of them and allows for the conversation to move quickly into an either heated or cool area, depending, which makes it pretty damn awesome.
This is not to say that it's not gratingly annoying when someone, generally bleeding heart, runs with 'are you sure? Are you really, really sure? Okay, if you're sure. Are you sure? Okay. *beat* (wistfully) I mean, if you're sure...' but I don't see that as a problem with the question, just with some people's inability to interact in a polite, sociable manner, and that's what's rude, not the words themselves.
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I agree - it's only really asking it the 2nd and 3rd time that gets on my nerves. It becomes the equivalent of them saying "well, I think you're a liar, so I'll ask again." Which offends me, surprisingly enough.
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Then I won't tell you where I'm off to this weekend. I do, however, have a flight home on the 26th of this month, so you'll have me in person to put up with once again. Yeah!
Exactly. It either becomes 'I know you better than you know yourself, so whilst you may not have yet realised that something is wrong, I know' or 'you just politely expressed that you do not consider me one of the people with whom you are comfortable talking over things, so let me badger you into proving you wrong, that I am the perfect person to force myself into your business'. Neither of these are cool.
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We should make dates & stuff.
Neither are cool - agreed.
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Yes, yes we should. Hm. I'll let you know after I get back, since I'm not yet sure when I'm returning to England (I've a place in London starting in September).
Seen this? http://www.thrillist.com/pics/79619popupc.jpg
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