I was up all night // Waiting for some kind of miracle

[weaver_girl]

Characters: Kagerou (weaver_girl), OPEN TO Simon (pompous_today), Gai (spandexisyouth), Bastet (felinemystique), Materia (viva_la_materia), Smoke (inthecenterfold), Rosalind (blindedmewith) and others by agreement?
Date/Time: 10 June to 15 June 2011
Location: All over Kagerou's usual haunts: Section 3, the Bazaar, the Park, the Dojo... and the Babylon 5 Wilderness on 13 June!
Rating: Possibly up to PG-13 for mention of violence
Summary:

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[weaver_girl]

She tucked her bag onto a nearby bench, then followed suit into the stretch, a bit dismayed to note that her fingers did not reach the ground as limberly as last week. It had to be the robot costume.

"Oh, it is!" That, at least, she was able to say with unstinting sincerity. "I was kind of crouched inside that costume! Well, I could wriggle out it off for a bit, but... it did the thing they always do. Came right back."

She followed his leads as they worked through the stretches, for the moment quite happy to be out in the open air and in her teacher's easy company. Some of the twisted and twisting thoughts snaking about in her head seemed to unravel, too. She took a moment to stand on one bare foot, trying to simply keep her balance for as long as she could. It was a simple exercise, but she liked how she could gradually maintain the pose for longer and longer.

"Gai?" Her own voice sounded a little loud; she let it drop a notch. "Can I ask you a question? It's, well, it is personal, so you don't have to answer if it's too much so, really. But... have you ever been in a situation where you just... couldn't do anything? Like something had to be done, but you were just... not enough?"

[spandexisyouth]

"They are not very considerate, the things we are put into." If he never wore a dress again it would be too soon. Though he would if he had to against the Sphere. Things were... they felt different. Maybe it was just because of the way the Wilderness was acting. But it kept being someone's home instead of just another interesting place, which made him wonder if there was something intentional there, a spur or a tease. And then there were the white times...

Gai shook his head, the physical motion helping to clear his mind. The balancing drew a smile from him; she seemed to very much enjoy doing that, or it was a personal challenge.

The smile faded at the question, though, and he considered it. He remembered standing up against Apostle and not being enough. There were other moments too, standing against the sand for his son, losing his son here, getting there barely too late to save Fred. That last stood out the most.

It seemed familiar beyond that too, though, like it had happened other times. Gai nodded. "Yes. I think many face that moment, and it is not an easy one. We are none of us enough by ourself, sometimes." He considered for a moment. She opened this door, therefore she would want to talk. "That was part of what you saw, then? You should know that you are not weak, Kagerou, if that is something you are wondering."

[weaver_girl]

At his words, her gaze swung to him, which caused her to teeter, stumble forward, arms windmilling, and finally catch her balance by dropping into a less than graceful crouch.

"Aww, well, that should teach me to work on my concentration!" She slapped grass from her knees, but her face belied her mock-disappointed tone, the lines of it grave and thoughtful.

"I..." She faltered, began again. "I hope that's true. I guess I am wondering that, among some other things. I had a memory of..." She sat down in the grass. "I was captured, and someone was... probably trying to weaken my resolve or... trying to hurt me. And when I heard myself, I wanted to reach out and shake me, and tell myself to do something. But I couldn't."

[spandexisyouth]

Gai reached for her when she stumbled, but she caught herself. He nodded. It was good that she'd been able to do that. Kagerou was improving steadily. "You will get there," he said gently.

Taking a seat next to her Gai listened. "Sometimes when someone is captured it is not easy to deal with. There is no way that you were trained to deal with that, I believe. I am. Bell is. I think Tomoe, Book, and Spring are. But that is our world. It may not be yours. And not being able to do something when you were held..." Gai shook his head. "That is not something to be ashamed of. You are strong, Kagerou. Captivity takes a heavy mental toll on someone. How long had you been held? Do you know?"

[weaver_girl]

"I... I don't." She clasped the side of her neck, uneasy, as if trying to shield herself. "What it was some... well, some really short time? I think if my friends heard that I was gone, they'd look for me right away."

Abruptly she looked up a bit shamefaced. "Well, that's what I would do. I do think they'd do the same. That's not conceited, is it?"

Some of her fluster melted into a soft, self-conscious laugh, but it was release of a sort. "So... what do you do when you are captured? To keep your head and plot escape? I suppose that's not something you pick up just going along."

[spandexisyouth]

Gai shook his head. "No. Friends look for each other and will always come when one of their own is missing. You would not be forgotten or abandoned. It could have taken them time to locate you, though, or fight their way to your side. There is no telling how deeply within enemy territory you were held, I am guessing?"

Gai reached over, placing a hand over one of hers. "That is exactly what you do. You seek for escape, because sooner or later there will be an opportunity and you do not want to miss it. And I am sure you sought. Not only do you have a strong spirit, you are not broken. That means you did not give in, because someone who is broken struggles for the rest of their life to find themselves once more."

[weaver_girl]

She found herself blinking back tears, not of sadness, but of a strange kind of gratitude. He thought so highly of her, and Gai was never less than honest. Should she accept that assessment? Could she?

"No, I really don't know. It... did seem like some kind of castle or fortress, though, so they would have had to fight their way in. I'm sure of that."

Dashing away the wetness in her eyes, she looked up, resolutely. "I've read that somewhere. The part about looking for a way out. But it was in a book, a story--people always do amazing things in stories. I'll... try and remember, though."

[spandexisyouth]

"Then there you have it. They were doing what they could to get to your side," a small smile flickered on his face for a moment, "including Toushi, and not abandoning you. And you were doing what you could to get free from the inside. I know you were." He did have a great deal of faith in his students, especially her. Kagerou had a gentle but determined heart and Gai wanted to encourage it.

"Stories come from somewhere, and it only makes sense. Only the foolish sit in a trap after they are caught and are content with it and you are not foolish. I think that I know you, Kagerou. I think you are capable of amazing things." Gai wished he had more than words to give her, but words would have to suffice.

[weaver_girl]

She got to her feet, found a good spot, and lifted herself onto one foot again, arms wide to the sides. "Like breaking my record at standing on one foot?" Closing her eyes, she tried to feel her whole body, the way muscles tensed to support her and she shifted minutely to accommodate.

"No, but... seriously," she said softly, eyes still shut. "That... that really means a lot, that you think so. I get so lost in my own head sometimes. I've probably been doing that too much lately again."

[spandexisyouth]

"Exactly like that! It is always good to beat one's personal best, and to keep building on it! That gives a concrete feeling of achievement!" It built muscles and stamina and balance, and all of those were important. Gai stood, doing a little bit of stretching.

"I think that all of us sometimes get lost inside our heads. It is not a sign of weakness, only evidence that we all need other people in our lives. I am here and in your life."

[weaver_girl]

Her toes teetered and twitched, but she held her position. If she did not look, the world could not tilt.

"I know," she said under her breath. "I'm grateful that you are."

And that was that, really. She'd have no easy answers about her own past inaction or powerlessness, but she did have people she could rely on, who would listen and share her burden best as they were able.

"You know what I feel like now?" She put her foot down, lightly, and then stretched her whole frame up, fingers, arms, body, legs, standing on tiptoe. "A few laps up and down the stairs. Can we do that first?"

[spandexisyouth]

"You are welcome, though I enjoy it and you do not have to be grateful." If Gai got to chose his family, he would easily pick Kagerou for a daughter.

He smiled and stretched himself at her question. "Of course we can! Stairs are a splendid way to loosen up muscles and launch into a workout!" Gai's smile turned a bit mischievous. "I cannot suggest a race, but I could suggest a challenge! Five laps up and down, and then one on our hands? Do you have the balance for that?"

/wraps this up

[weaver_girl]

She could not help but laugh merrily at that mental image.

"You do that! I think I'll practice my hand-walking on level ground for just a bit more. It could be a really long tumble down the Dojo stairs.

"But five laps on my feet, that I can do! Lead on!" And with that, she sprang into a jog towards the stairs.