PARTY LOG: OPEN TO EVERYONE

[npc_kun]

Characters: OPEN
Date/Time: FORWARDdated to Friday, March 25th. All day!
Location: The Park
Rating: PG-13 for assumed general raucousness
Summary: Sniper decided to hold a birthday party for Cloud and Krile which means... holding just a huge party in the park whether they like it or not. Fireworks, food and drink within

Comments

Annnd Sniper wins the Big Ham Award

[longnosedliar]

"Aaah, adventures!"

Sniper brightened. When it came to bullshit at least, he knew he reigned supreme. The thing about his stories was that they were unbelievable, just like all good stories were supposed to be. What was the point in a believable story? Even when you were just making excuses, the trick was to think of something so utterly fantastic that whoever was chasing after you forgot what he wanted to throttle you for.

Unless he didn't. In which case it was important to be able to run really, really fast.

"So the young maiden wishes to hear a tale of the Great Sniper's... exploits? You see, as I was treading through the dusty grounds of the Yard, deftly avoiding every ragged piece of machinery in my path, I came across the typical enemy: a golem. Now, this is normally something that is not at all a problem, but this golem was twice the size of a normal one. No, ten times! Fifteen! Its head practically grazed the very top of the Yard, and when I looked at it, it gave a huge, fiery bellow!"

He stuck his thumb out. "Now, of course I wouldn't hesitate in the face of something like that, and I readied my trusty staff for a killing blow, but then something stopped me."

His mind raced for what stopped him.

"A voice came from the golem, a really quiet one, and it yelled, Stop! Please do not harm us!" Sniper squeaked when he mimicked the imaginary gnome's voice. "And when I looked closer, housed in the massive mouth of the golem was a small home, and a family of, of, of... gnomes were inside. Of course, they had heard of me before, and they said, Sniper! We have been trapped here for ten days and ten nights! You must help us!"

He tapped his nose knowingly (which was not difficult considering waving his hand any length from his face resulted in some sort of nose-tapping motion) and winked at Krile. "So exploding the golem was out."

*presents him with a side of bacon*

[feathered_earth]

Krile listened in rapt attention as Sniper began concocting an entirely unbelievable tale. She quite agreed with his stance on stories. Why get hung up on little things like the laws of physics? Especially in Edensphere, for goodness' sake. The more audaciously untrue, the better!

She nodded along with the narration, looking suitably dismayed at the idea of a golem that oversized, and chipping in with "Of course not!" when he boasted of how nonchalant he was about monstrous, fire-breathing trash heaps.

When he came to the part about the gnome family, she gasped. "Oh no, the poor things! But how did they even get into the golem's mouth in the first place? And wouldn't he have swallowed them after that long?"

[longnosedliar]

"Ahh, that's where you're wrong! You see, Krile, this golem doesn't eat. This was a special one. You see, it started out the size of us, but as it wandered through the Yard, it picked up all sorts of junk until it got bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Like a gigantic junk monster! The family of gnomes were just unlucky enough to be caught in it!"

"But since I couldn't shoot it, I had to use something else to get the gnomes out first. So I looked around real quick, and I found a... a... a..."

Sniper looked around, then seized a poker from a nearby barbecue. The man who was at the barbecue protested hotly ("Oi, I was using that you stupid kid") but Sniper just waved him off.

"A poker, sticking out of the depths!" He swung it around in a way that looked quite impressive but betrayed the fact that he had absolutely no idea how to hold anything other than a gun or a slingshot. "The golem was made out of sharp metal stuff too, so I had plenty to fence off of. I slashed at him, right, left, right, left, like so!" He demonstrated.

"He was big, but I was faster than him, and I ran around him fiftee--no, thirty times until he got too dizzy to see straight."

[feathered_earth]

"You were fencing with his fingers! Gosh, it must have been harrowing," Krile said, giving a merry wave to the aggravated barbecuer. She ducked playfully as Sniper demonstrated his technique, or rather, the fact that he had no technique whatsoever. "Why, your skills must have terrified the rust off him! They sure would with me."

That was, in a way, true.

"Thirty? But how could you be sure that was enough? What if it took forty or fifty times... wouldn't the poor gnomes have gotten dizzy watching you go 'round and 'round too?" One of Krile's favorite things about Sniper's storytelling was seeing what he'd do when she tried to trip him up over trivialities.

[longnosedliar]

"Ah, ah, Krile," Sniper scolded with a merry wave of his finger. "Your knowledge of golem..." He was sure there was a word for 'body' somewhere in his head, but he couldn't seem to put his finger on it. "...uh, golem make-up is lacking! You see, golems are very stiff, and they can't move very fast at all."

This warranted another pause as he stuck his arms to his side to demonstrate how stiff golems were. With his dark skin and mass of curly hair, he didn't resemble a lumbering monster so much as he resembled a puppet.

"Which means they get dizzy in no time flat. And so did the gnome family, but dizziness is a small price to pay for a gallant rescue! So while that golem was busy trying to see straight, I took a running jump - a jump, 'cause he's way taller than me, remember? - bounced off of his chest and managed to balance the gnomes' home right on the tip of the poker."

[feathered_earth]

"Is that so?" Krile giggled at Sniper's demonstration of the golem's movement, and outright laughed at his boast of leaping all the way up to the golem's chest. She leaned down, putting a finger to her chin in a pose of thoughtfulness as she looked at his legs. "You must be a wonder! I never knew that skinny muscles like that could jump so high."

She looked back up. "On the poker? I'd have liked to see that! I hope the poor gnomes didn't feel too sick after all of that."

[longnosedliar]

"Lean legs, lean legs!" Sniper protested, and tapped his leg for emphasis. "They are lean, but they have lots of muscle! See?"

If Krile looked, she would see... two very skinny legs. Sniper noted this, laughed and waved it off. "Okay, okay, never mind. Where was I... oh yeah, the gnomes on top of the poker."

This took a moment of thought. "So after I so valiantly rescued the gnomes from their perch, I set the gnomes aside and plunged the poker into a gas can that was lying on the side and then plunged it straight into the golem's chest. Yah!"