She's the brightest thing I got/When I'm covered in rain

[blue_shields]

Characters: Spike blue_shields and Companion galacticgeisha
Date/Time: June 29th, some time after this entry
Location: Serenity spa
Rating: PG, may include some cursing
Summary: After raging and hitting things, Spike goes to cry on his girlfriend's shoulder. I'm handwaving Spike's mini-rampage- he just went to the dojo and attacked some dummies for a while, then went to the

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[galacticgeisha]

Companion was still awake. She had seen the news, and realized that Spike would need her tonight. Sleep could wait.

It was so surreal.

One of the few people who she could remembered had arrived, and someone who he was obviously close to left.

There were many people who had left before, and even some who had come back, but none of that mattered when it happened to you. While she knew Spike was typically stoic about these things she was actually somewhat relieved to see him reacting from the heart and not trying to be strong for others. She hoped that it would help him in the long run.

When she heard Spike arrive Companion headed out of her room, moving swiftly over to enfold him in a warm hug. She wasn't sure what to say at first, and simply responded instinctively.

"Spike, I'm so sorry." She held him close for a moment before taking his hand, leading the way to her room.

[blue_shields]

Spike felt his spirits lifting a little when he saw Companion, then they sank when she hugged him. He returned the embrace, tightly, but didn't- couldn't- speak until they were in her room. His eyes were downcast, and he suddenly felt weak in the knees.

"Thanks. And- thanks for waiting up for me. I- Kanin- he was..." He screwed up his face... and that's when the tears started. His head bowed, and he let out a small whimper, allowing himself at least that much instead of the loud howl of pure misery trying to fight its way out of him.

[galacticgeisha]

Companion was pleased to see Spike momentarily perk up, although she knew that he was dealing with a lot right now and would need to relax before he truly felt better. She knew it would take time.

"Of course I'd wait up for you, I know he was a good friend to you." She sat next to him, lightly rubbing his back as she let him worth through his emotions.

[blue_shields]

"My first close friend here," said Spike quietly, and wiped his eyes, feeling a little better with the backrub. Well, not better, but less like he was going to burst out sobbing. "He was my best friend. Aside from Bridge. And now he's gone... like... like he was never here. It's happened before, but never- never to someone..."

He covered his face with one hand, fresh tears leaking out. He then turned to look at Companion and slowly put his arms around her, leaning over to rest his head on her shoulder. It was an awkward position for him, considering their difference in height, but he just wanted to have something to hug right now.

[galacticgeisha]

"It's alright, you don't need to hold back with me," responded Companion, shifting her position slightly to make things less awkward. "It's never easy to lose someone, but just because he's gone doesn't mean he'll be forgotten."

She ran her fingers through his hair, her voice soothing as she continued. "From what I've seen he touched many lives, and brought people together. Perhaps we can think of some way to celebrate his life and our hopes that he's gone someplace better."

[blue_shields]

Spike felt a bit more calmed when Companion's fingers brushed through his hair, and he gently nuzzled her neck in response. He found it to be extremely comforting for some reason.

"He was always so friendly," Spike agreed. "He's been kinda quiet for a while, but he was always there to say 'hello' to new people when i first met him... one of the most friendly people I've ever known. Why he hung out with a grump like me, I have no idea..." He inhaled sharply, and a few more tears squeezed out. "I'll have a drink in his honor soon, at least. I owe him that much."

[[OOC: For future ref, Spike likes having his hair played with. >>; <<; |D So do Bridge and Will, for that matter. Because their mun does and shamelessly projects such things onto her characters, so there.]]

[galacticgeisha]

Companion noticed Spike's response and continued to lightly play with his hair. She wanted him to let go of his stress, leave it all behind now that he was here with her. She knew his burden was heavy but wanted him to feel lighter.

"Is that what he would have wanted, do you think? Companion questioned softly. "Or do you feel he would prefer that you carry on what he started by being welcoming and a good friend to those who need it? I think he hung out with you because he knew underneath your grumpiness was a good friend, and someone who needed to be reminded to smile every so often." She hadn't known Kanin that well, but she had a feeling she knew someone similar. "Whatever you choose to do, just know that he'll appreciate your efforts as his friend no matter what."

[blue_shields]

Spike didn't respond for a long time, thinking about what Companion said, and feeling so comfortable and loved in her embrace. He suddenly realized how tired he was, now that the shock had worn off and he'd let some of his grief (and earlier, his anger) out.

"...Yeah," he finally murmured in agreement. "Being a good friend... and welcoming people... it's the least I could do."

[galacticgeisha]

Companion continued to hold Spike close, letting the momentary silence envelop them as her fingers combed through his hair. She could tell that he was starting to calm down, and was quietly pleased that she could help. The sheer amount of emotion he had expended probably took a lot out of him, and she hoped he would stay and allow her to care for him.

"You're already off to a good start," she smiled softly, continuing. "I'm heard you'r doing wonderfully as a Guard, and I constantly see you being there for your friends and helping others. I'm sure Kanin was proud of you."

[blue_shields]

Spike caught himself giving the ghost of a smug smile at her words, and nodded, finally reaching up to wipe his eyes.

"I'm sure he was. Thank you for saying that," he told Companion. "And for just... being here. I've lost people here before, but never anyone as close to me as he was. It... hurts. A lot." He closed his eyes, feeling a jolt of pain in his heart. "But I can't let it drag me down for too long, right? I've got a job to do and people to look after." He then opened his eyes, lifted his head, and looked into her face. "Not tonight, though. Tonight, I'll let myself go. I'm sure I don't need to ask you, but- can I stay here?"

[galacticgeisha]

Companion noticed the slight smile and felt as though she had truly made a difference. Reaching past him she grabbed a hankerchief and offered it to him.

"I speak only truth, there is no need to thank me for that," she replied to Spike. "You needed me, there's nowhere else I could think to be. I know it hurts, but we have to keep thinking that he's someplace better now. If it helps, I felt hurt when that person I recognized arrived here. In a way, I'm glad that my being here will be helpful to him, although tonight I'm just please I could help you." She smiled softly, running her fingers down his cheek. "Of course you can, it would be my pleasure to have you stay."

[blue_shields]

Spike accepted the hanky and blew his nose, wiping his eyes again. He felt a little bit more in control of himself now, though the awful emptiness in his heart wasn't gone. He doubted it would ever truly disappear.

He listened to Companion speak, a tiny smile finally lingering at her touch on his face.

"You being here is all I need," he affirmed quietly, then frowned. "...The guy you know... Will, right? I never got around to saying hello... I hope in time that he'll remember you. That's got to be tough." He thought suddenly that he was fortunate that he'd seen Bridge in his dream, so the two were able to reconnect fairly quickly... it sounded as though her friend wasn't so lucky. He wasn't sure what would be worse- having nobody from his past here at all, or having them, but them having no idea who he was. He sighed, then leaned in to kiss her, softly and gently.

[galacticgeisha]

Companion pulled back slightly, giving him room to get himself under control without her hovering over him. He probably appreciated the slightly space anyway, considering.

She watched Spike for a moment as he composed himself, shrugging at his comment.

"You should know I'm here as long as you need me," she bit her lower lip, sighing. "I can only hope he remembers me in time, however if he doesn't I've already informed him that I'd like to be his friend." She would never put that type of onus on anyone, and expecting Will to remember her would be incredibly harsh on both of them. She was roused from her musings by Spike's kiss, responding just as gently as she leaned into him.

[blue_shields]

"That's all you can do, then. We know it takes time to recover memories," said Spike, feeling some of his pain wash away when she returned the kiss. When they parted, his smiled turned almost shy and bashful.

"I'm a little tired. Why don't we lie down?" he suggested, his voice low. He then chided himself. Forgotten your friend so quickly, have you? a nasty voice at the back of his head spoke up.

No, a stronger voice answered. I haven't forgotten him. I'm being happy. I'm not stopping living just because he's gone. Kanin enjoyed life, and he wanted me to loosen up and have fun more. That's exactly what I'm doing.