Thank You
Today, I looked in the mirror when I was coming out of the bathroom earlier and I had one of those birthmom revelations. It was a mother face looking back at me. Not just Eden's birthmom but a mother. And if you're not an adoptive mother or a birthmother, you probably won't understand. But, I often feel out of place at college because of everything that's went on in my life and the way I've changed. But today was one of those days where I wasn't even sure how I felt about myself. Society tells me I'm not a mother...and today I looked and saw myself as a mom and it threw me for a loop. This isn't a first it was just a day I needed to write about it.
With Mother's Day less than 3 weeks away, I'm having some feelings about myself as a mother. Last year, Aunt Marge was the only one to recognize me on Mother's Day. That is my most treasured card in regards to any form of Mother's Day because it was telling me it was ok, that I was a mom and I did have great importance to my daughter and so many others. My parents and Mandy gave me stuff for Birthmother's Day (the day before Mother's Day) but that's different. It's not any less important just different. And I'm sick of having no cards fit for birthmothers or to give to Mandy and John as the important people they are to me. I'm sick of society acting like we're seperated from the definition of a mother.
So, I was just frustrated with how I was feeing as a mother but "not a mother." I decided to go take a walk which worried Joy Noel and Aaron (my Aaron). Aaron called to talk to me and he made me feel so much better about everything. He madea good point by saying that he was wanting to get me a Mother's Day card last year but was afraid how I'd feel about it and didn't want to upset me. It makes sense that others feel like that too. But as a birthmother in an open adoption, I would safely say that birthmothers with an adoption as open as ours, being recognized as a mother is important. At least for me it is. Honey, you listening to me and talking with me about how I was feeling meant the world to me. Thank you so much for being here for me. I know you were tired, but taking the time out to make sure that I felt better made all the difference in my evening. And calling back to tell me the time after we hung up made me smile. I will be going to bed tonight feeling like a wonderful mother...thanks for helping me feel that again. I couldn't ask for a more loving and supportive boyfriend. Thanks for just listening like you do! I love you!!!
The other part that fixed how I was feeling...God's beautiful night sky. I was laying on a bench by Frog Baby and was just looking up at the stars...even saw the Big Dipper. It was so gorgeous outside tonight. Walks always make me feel better about things. They really put things back into perspective. Thank you Lord, for blessing my life through nature and through Aaron's words and voice.
With Mother's Day less than 3 weeks away, I'm having some feelings about myself as a mother. Last year, Aunt Marge was the only one to recognize me on Mother's Day. That is my most treasured card in regards to any form of Mother's Day because it was telling me it was ok, that I was a mom and I did have great importance to my daughter and so many others. My parents and Mandy gave me stuff for Birthmother's Day (the day before Mother's Day) but that's different. It's not any less important just different. And I'm sick of having no cards fit for birthmothers or to give to Mandy and John as the important people they are to me. I'm sick of society acting like we're seperated from the definition of a mother.
So, I was just frustrated with how I was feeing as a mother but "not a mother." I decided to go take a walk which worried Joy Noel and Aaron (my Aaron). Aaron called to talk to me and he made me feel so much better about everything. He madea good point by saying that he was wanting to get me a Mother's Day card last year but was afraid how I'd feel about it and didn't want to upset me. It makes sense that others feel like that too. But as a birthmother in an open adoption, I would safely say that birthmothers with an adoption as open as ours, being recognized as a mother is important. At least for me it is. Honey, you listening to me and talking with me about how I was feeling meant the world to me. Thank you so much for being here for me. I know you were tired, but taking the time out to make sure that I felt better made all the difference in my evening. And calling back to tell me the time after we hung up made me smile. I will be going to bed tonight feeling like a wonderful mother...thanks for helping me feel that again. I couldn't ask for a more loving and supportive boyfriend. Thanks for just listening like you do! I love you!!!
The other part that fixed how I was feeling...God's beautiful night sky. I was laying on a bench by Frog Baby and was just looking up at the stars...even saw the Big Dipper. It was so gorgeous outside tonight. Walks always make me feel better about things. They really put things back into perspective. Thank you Lord, for blessing my life through nature and through Aaron's words and voice.