[Fic] "Lemonade" chapter 4 -- BtVS/Gundam Wing/Naruto
This entire chapter was either meant to be a throwaway couple of paragraphs, or was forced upon me because Duo went off-script at the end of part III. The kami who oversees my life is clearly having a mad, passionate (and astonishingly long-term) affair with the kami of digressions. *headdesk*
Actual plot will resume in part V... I think.
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Lemonade
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Part IV: in which people talk a lot, but nothing much happens
Faith yanked her fingers out of her hacked and tangled hair (if that centipede demon weren't already dead, she'd rip it apart with her bare hands in revenge) and grabbed her knife off the rock beside her. "Duo, what the hell are you doing? Sasuke's not the enemy."
"Wouldn't bet on that, chica," Duo said, holding the gun steady on Sasuke's temple with his right hand. "You were too far away to see, but his eyes turned red with black spinning things around the pupils. That ain't human."
Sasuke's blood-slicked fingers twitched, but Duo was already moving; he grabbed Sasuke's right hand and squeezed. His gun never wavered. He smiled, thin and sharp, and said something in Japanese -- probably "Don't try anything," if Faith had to guess. It was unnerving how fast he'd peeled away his we're-all-friends pose and let the killer peek through, and watching him turn on Sasuke was bringing back memories she really didn't want to deal with just now.
"Cool it," she told Duo, keeping her voice steady and forcing herself to sheath the knife; this wasn't a good time to let adrenaline run the show. "Magic can have some pretty funky side-effects -- Willow's eyes and hair change color when she channels the big spells, and she's one hundred percent human. Sasuke reads human to me. Don't jump the gun."
Duo raised his eyebrows at her. "Reads human?"
"Slayers... we sorta 'feel' demons, if we're paying attention. You damn bet I've been paying attention to you guys." For both obvious reasons -- they were hot, and no way in hell was she relaxing too much around two assassins.
"Right." Duo let go of Sasuke's hand, but didn't move the gun. "I still want an explanation." He switched back to Japanese and repeated his question.
Sasuke answered, sounding more irritated than anything else, and definitely not afraid of the gun pressed to his head. Duo raised his eyebrows and the kid elaborated, grudgingly. After a minute, Duo laughed and lowered his gun, waving a mocking finger in Sasuke's face.
Faith was getting seriously tired of not understanding a damn thing Sasuke said. "So?"
Duo laughed again, sounding like he couldn't quite believe what he'd just learned. "Get this -- in his world, a bunch of ninja clans run themselves like genetics experiments. Apparently using chakra too much can cause weird mutations, and some of them are useful. Sasuke's clan bred for one of those -- they're called bloodline limits -- and it's called Sharingan." He scratched his chin thoughtfully, leaving smudges of drying blood behind. "Means something like 'Copy Wheel Eye.' Anyway, his eyes sorta break down motion, which means he can learn moves by watching just once, and he can track and predict which way you're gonna jump when he's fighting you. He says it also lets him see through chakra-based illusions, but that's kind of irrelevant here."
Faith considered that for a minute. "Now I really want to know how one man took down all of his family."
"Join the club. But I think I pushed about as far as he'll go for now, and we've got more important stuff to worry about."
Faith glanced up at the lowering sun -- it was poised maybe a hand's width above the distant horizon -- and sighed. She didn't want to stop before they found water, especially now that she had blood, guts, and poison to wash off, but she didn't want to walk blind through the night in a hell dimension either. "You know, that centipede thing probably kept this area clear of any smaller demons..."
"Yeah, but do you really want to deal with scavengers?"
Faith made a face. "Not really, but I'd rather have a place with something at my back, where we've had a chance to look around. 'Cause getting jumped in the dark while we're walking through strange ground? Speaking from experience, that really isn't as fun as it sounds. Besides, we can split a watch, and I want my beauty sleep."
"Do we get to wake you with a kiss?" Duo leered cheerfully, and then shrugged. "Aw, why not. But let's move out a little, or I'm gonna have nightmares of that thing turning into a zombie and coming at us again."
"You need rituals to make zombies," Faith grumbled, but she pushed herself upright and started walking toward the high ground Sasuke claimed must have water. By now, the faint blurring of its outlines had started to resolve into something that looked like thorny scrub, but they were still hours away, and there was no telling how far they'd have to go to find surface water. If worst came to worst, she thought they could dig near some bushes and maybe get water -- she'd seen that in a movie, once -- but Faith wanted a stream or a lake.
She also really, really wanted to jump someone, but not right next to a giant bug. She sighed and shoved a hand through her hair again. "Come on. If we're going, let's go."
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"We should butcher the centipede," Sasuke said as Duo started to follow Faith.
Duo stopped and gave him the look of sheer disbelief he'd perfected on Heero and Chang, the one that said 'You are so far out of your mind you might as well be orbiting Pluto.' Sasuke bristled in response, and Duo raised his eyebrows just a touch more; it was nice to know he hadn't lost his touch even though his friends were long since back in hailing distance of sanity. "You wanna eat that thing? Man, are you crazy? It's a giant centipede -- I ate enough bugs back in the day, and I'm not anywhere near desperate enough to do it again. Besides, ten gets you one it's poisonous."
"Many insects are edible," Sasuke said. "Why should this one be different?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because it's a demon?"
"So? I can test for adverse reactions."
Duo didn't change his expression, just waited. Sasuke scowled, looking like he'd bitten into something oily and bitter but couldn't bring himself to spit out the poison; his expression reminded Duo of junkies trying to work around the walls in their heads and admit that they were killing themselves. "It's a medical jutsu I copied," Sasuke said. "Someone will have to eat a bite, though -- it's only an internal reaction test." He looked slightly embarrassed about that.
There was something kinda screwy about magic tricks that only worked after you started playing Russian roulette with human lives.
"And if the meat's gonna kill us? Do you have tricks to fix that, Sasuke-kun, or are we stuck with the Heimlich maneuver?" Sasuke looked blank. Oh, yeah, different worlds -- he wouldn't know the name even if he knew the motions. "Like this," Duo said, wrapping his left hand around his right fist and sliding around Sasuke to demonstrate.
Sasuke slammed his arms down on Duo's elbows and spun out of his loose grip. "That's for choking," he sneered. "To induce vomiting, you stick a finger down your throat. Don't you know anything, dead la--"
He stopped like a suit with the power cut, his mouth still open on his last word.
Duo took one slow step back, to give Sasuke the illusion of space and privacy. "I was joking, Sasuke," he said, and tidied his posture so he was all business -- he had the feeling he'd just tripped over a timebomb way too delicate to take apart right now. "You know, if you want to chop up that bug demon and cart the meat around, I'm not going to stop you, but I'm not helping either. It's your call all the way."
"Hey! What the fuck is taking so long?" Faith's voice broke through Sasuke's little... whatever-it-was, and his face snapped back into a scowl. Faith looked back at them from maybe fifty yards away, hands fixed on her hips and irritation clear in every line of her body. "This isn't the time for love confessions!" she shouted.
Duo grinned; swear to God, he could get to like that woman. "This ain't love, babe," he called back. "It's just a sex-type thing. Anyway, Sasuke says he wants to barbecue the centipede for dinner. I say whatever, but he has to butcher and carry the meat himself."
Faith had very expressive body language. She slumped for a second, elbows sagging, and then waved one hand abruptly skyward. "Men," she said to the darkening sky, in the exact same long-suffering tone he'd heard from every damn woman he'd ever known. "Men and boys. Fuck 'em all." She looked back at Duo. "The kid has a point, but we don't have that much time 'til sunset. Twenty minutes and then we're gone."
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As Sasuke studied the centipede demon and wondered how to split its exoskeleton in order to get at the meat, Faith crouched down beside him. "Sasuke," she said, her accent twisting and flattening the syllables of his name. "I'll help you. Watch." She spoke slowly, setting each word apart from the others instead of slurring them the way she and Duo did when they talked to each other. When Sasuke nodded and fixed his eyes on her hands, she grabbed one of the centipede's legs with her right hand. She braced herself against the demon's body, and pulled; the leg tore off with a wet crack and left a jagged hole in the armored side. The next leg suffered the same fate, leaving a single segment isolated between the holes.
"Watch," Faith said again, and slid her knife sideways through one hole, its point tearing a path between the exoskeleton and the muscle, and pushed on it like a lever. "You help," she said, and pointed at the other hole.
Sasuke drew one of the Sargul demons' knives -- they were longer than his kunai, though the steel wasn't as strong, and he wouldn't particularly mind if he broke one doing this. He wedged the knife on the inside of the centipede's armor and faced Faith. "On three," she said, and counted. Sasuke pushed on his knife, leaning on it to add his weight to the thrust -- the armor segment split along the middle, shattering into a dozen pieces.
Faith grinned and ran a hand through her hair. "All yours, Sasuke," she said, looking ridiculously pleased at the success of her plan. It was like a darker, bloodier echo of Sakura's happiness when she learned a new jutsu, or Naruto's glee when he pulled off one of his stupid tricks. Sasuke blinked, shaking away the visual trick that imposed his old teammates' faces over Faith, and concentrated on the pale, dense flesh inside the centipede's armor. He had no time for memories, especially not ones that tried to blunt his resolve or make him doubt his course. He had no time for distractions.
The centipede bled red, iron-rich blood, not any odd-colored ichor, which Sasuke took as a good sign for its potential edibility. He sliced up the one segment, carving it into flat slabs of meat until he had twelve pieces, each of which would make a full meal for one person. He would have stopped at six, but then he decided any excess could always be discarded, but coming back to collect more meat might be a problem.
"Duo," he said when he finished, "I need your jacket."
Duo made an exaggerated gesture of disbelief. "My jacket? This is your show, Sasuke-kun -- if you want something to wrap the bug-meat, cut up your pants."
Sasuke glared. Duo's smile just got wider and toothier.
Sasuke itched to wipe that grin off Duo's face -- it was too cheerful, and too full of the casual assumption that Sasuke couldn't beat him. Unfortunately, this world was too unknown and full of dangers for Sasuke to prove how wrong he was, especially since Duo might manage to wound him in the process. But Duo wasn't the only person around.
"Faith," Sasuke said. "Help. Duo, give me." He mimed taking off a jacket, and then pointed at the sliced meat lying on the centipede demon's back.
"Give the jacket to me," she corrected him. "So you ---- the meat." She winked at Sasuke, and then sauntered over to Duo's side with a slow, wicked smile on her face and a sudden aura of danger that had nothing to do with her weapons or her strength.
Duo covered his reaction so fast that if Sasuke hadn't been anticipating something -- and if he didn't have exceptional vision even without the Sharingan -- he might not have seen the resignation and the hint of tightness around Duo's eyes. That was interesting. That was very interesting, especially coming from a person who'd just spent hours making sexual innuendos with both him and Faith. If Duo was just reacting to Sasuke flipping Faith over to his side, that was one thing, but if he was reacting to her body language...
Sasuke tucked that idea away for future examination.
Faith dragged her hand along Duo's shoulder, leaned in, and whispered something in his ear. Duo groaned theatrically. Then he grabbed her hand from his arm and kissed it as he stepped back. He pulled a small box from his left pocket, slid out of his jacket, and whipped it through the air to Sasuke. Sasuke caught the fabric absently and studied Duo -- with the jacket off, he could place the man's weapons more precisely. Duo had a long knife in a sheath on his back, shorter knives strapped around his bare forearms, and a second metal-shooter stuck into the waist of his pants. He drew the first metal-shooter from its holster, opened the box, and began to place metal pieces into the contraption.
"Can you reuse the pieces?" Sasuke asked as he wrapped the meat in the jacket -- he turned it inside out first, since Duo would probably want the jacket back.
"They're called bullets," Duo said, "and no -- that's the downside to guns. The upside is that any idiot can shoot one, and because of that, people in my world are a lot more likely to believe me when I say I'll shoot everyone in a room than they would if I pulled a knife and said I'd gut everyone in the room." He shrugged, crumpling the empty part of the box and tucking in into a pocket on the side of his black pants. "I can clear a room either way, but proving it with the knives gets messy and messy takes time. Bad for mission planning, you know?"
Faith asked him something. Duo translated, and she laughed. Sasuke waited.
"'If it's not messy, what's the point?' she says." Duo shrugged. "An assassin she ain't, but I bet she could teach you a thing or two, Sasuke-kun. Now pick up my poor, defenseless jacket and let's get the hell out of Dodge."
Sasuke threw the Sarguls' knife at him. Duo dodged, naturally, but at least the point had been made.
"Idiots," Faith said, and motioned Duo to take point. She shook her head as Sasuke drew up beside her. "Duo's a bastard," she said, "but ---- are other ways ---- you can ---- and ---- more fun." She made a rather explicit gesture with her hands, and grinned.
Sasuke turned away. It wasn't bad enough for him to get summoned into another dimension by demons who wanted to use his body as a weapon -- that, he could understand. But to get summoned into a dimension where his only allies were more interested in sex than survival...
The kami who oversaw his life was a pervert. It was the only possible explanation.
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End Part Four
Back to part III
Continue to part V
See the original crack pairings meme and the scene that attacked me and became the first section of part I
Read the final version on ff.net. (By 'final' I mean 'edited to fix the squidgy bits.' Just FYI.)
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Note: Some people commented that Duo shouldn't have been able to take Sasuke by surprise in part III. It's true that Sasuke is faster than Duo, but Sasuke is also a master of tunnel vision and selective blindness, and Duo strikes me as almost as much of a chameleon as Trowa (in his own way), so he slipped under Sasuke's guard. Also, please note that Sasuke isn't scared; instead, he thinks it's better to humor Duo rather than pick a fight in 'enemy' territory. (There's a third reason as well, but it was only subtly hinted at in GW canon before being dropped, so I'm trying not to do anything more than hint at it myself.)
It's hard to balance relative strength and skill levels when dealing with three very different series, especially when one is high-tech science fiction, one is based on 'magic,' and one is live action. (That last one is killer in terms of relative special effects.) I'm giving Duo an edge over Sasuke in sheer experience, and he's much less distracted by internal issues; he's also more professional and versatile than Faith. I've decided that Faith is stronger than either Duo or Sasuke, and she has the advantage of familiarity with demonic portals, hell dimensions, and so on. And while Sasuke still has his speed and arsenal of ninjutsu, I'm toning down the effectiveness of chakra-based muscle enhancement so that he won't totally outclass the other two. In other words, none of this 'running at 15-20 mph for three days straight' nonsense, and he's going to pay in drained stamina for any high-level jutsu he does.
If that bothers you, please write it off as one of the weird conditions of this particular dimension -- it's like the way Pylea's sunlight doesn't burn vampires, for example.
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Actual plot will resume in part V... I think.
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Lemonade
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Part IV: in which people talk a lot, but nothing much happens
Faith yanked her fingers out of her hacked and tangled hair (if that centipede demon weren't already dead, she'd rip it apart with her bare hands in revenge) and grabbed her knife off the rock beside her. "Duo, what the hell are you doing? Sasuke's not the enemy."
"Wouldn't bet on that, chica," Duo said, holding the gun steady on Sasuke's temple with his right hand. "You were too far away to see, but his eyes turned red with black spinning things around the pupils. That ain't human."
Sasuke's blood-slicked fingers twitched, but Duo was already moving; he grabbed Sasuke's right hand and squeezed. His gun never wavered. He smiled, thin and sharp, and said something in Japanese -- probably "Don't try anything," if Faith had to guess. It was unnerving how fast he'd peeled away his we're-all-friends pose and let the killer peek through, and watching him turn on Sasuke was bringing back memories she really didn't want to deal with just now.
"Cool it," she told Duo, keeping her voice steady and forcing herself to sheath the knife; this wasn't a good time to let adrenaline run the show. "Magic can have some pretty funky side-effects -- Willow's eyes and hair change color when she channels the big spells, and she's one hundred percent human. Sasuke reads human to me. Don't jump the gun."
Duo raised his eyebrows at her. "Reads human?"
"Slayers... we sorta 'feel' demons, if we're paying attention. You damn bet I've been paying attention to you guys." For both obvious reasons -- they were hot, and no way in hell was she relaxing too much around two assassins.
"Right." Duo let go of Sasuke's hand, but didn't move the gun. "I still want an explanation." He switched back to Japanese and repeated his question.
Sasuke answered, sounding more irritated than anything else, and definitely not afraid of the gun pressed to his head. Duo raised his eyebrows and the kid elaborated, grudgingly. After a minute, Duo laughed and lowered his gun, waving a mocking finger in Sasuke's face.
Faith was getting seriously tired of not understanding a damn thing Sasuke said. "So?"
Duo laughed again, sounding like he couldn't quite believe what he'd just learned. "Get this -- in his world, a bunch of ninja clans run themselves like genetics experiments. Apparently using chakra too much can cause weird mutations, and some of them are useful. Sasuke's clan bred for one of those -- they're called bloodline limits -- and it's called Sharingan." He scratched his chin thoughtfully, leaving smudges of drying blood behind. "Means something like 'Copy Wheel Eye.' Anyway, his eyes sorta break down motion, which means he can learn moves by watching just once, and he can track and predict which way you're gonna jump when he's fighting you. He says it also lets him see through chakra-based illusions, but that's kind of irrelevant here."
Faith considered that for a minute. "Now I really want to know how one man took down all of his family."
"Join the club. But I think I pushed about as far as he'll go for now, and we've got more important stuff to worry about."
Faith glanced up at the lowering sun -- it was poised maybe a hand's width above the distant horizon -- and sighed. She didn't want to stop before they found water, especially now that she had blood, guts, and poison to wash off, but she didn't want to walk blind through the night in a hell dimension either. "You know, that centipede thing probably kept this area clear of any smaller demons..."
"Yeah, but do you really want to deal with scavengers?"
Faith made a face. "Not really, but I'd rather have a place with something at my back, where we've had a chance to look around. 'Cause getting jumped in the dark while we're walking through strange ground? Speaking from experience, that really isn't as fun as it sounds. Besides, we can split a watch, and I want my beauty sleep."
"Do we get to wake you with a kiss?" Duo leered cheerfully, and then shrugged. "Aw, why not. But let's move out a little, or I'm gonna have nightmares of that thing turning into a zombie and coming at us again."
"You need rituals to make zombies," Faith grumbled, but she pushed herself upright and started walking toward the high ground Sasuke claimed must have water. By now, the faint blurring of its outlines had started to resolve into something that looked like thorny scrub, but they were still hours away, and there was no telling how far they'd have to go to find surface water. If worst came to worst, she thought they could dig near some bushes and maybe get water -- she'd seen that in a movie, once -- but Faith wanted a stream or a lake.
She also really, really wanted to jump someone, but not right next to a giant bug. She sighed and shoved a hand through her hair again. "Come on. If we're going, let's go."
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"We should butcher the centipede," Sasuke said as Duo started to follow Faith.
Duo stopped and gave him the look of sheer disbelief he'd perfected on Heero and Chang, the one that said 'You are so far out of your mind you might as well be orbiting Pluto.' Sasuke bristled in response, and Duo raised his eyebrows just a touch more; it was nice to know he hadn't lost his touch even though his friends were long since back in hailing distance of sanity. "You wanna eat that thing? Man, are you crazy? It's a giant centipede -- I ate enough bugs back in the day, and I'm not anywhere near desperate enough to do it again. Besides, ten gets you one it's poisonous."
"Many insects are edible," Sasuke said. "Why should this one be different?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because it's a demon?"
"So? I can test for adverse reactions."
Duo didn't change his expression, just waited. Sasuke scowled, looking like he'd bitten into something oily and bitter but couldn't bring himself to spit out the poison; his expression reminded Duo of junkies trying to work around the walls in their heads and admit that they were killing themselves. "It's a medical jutsu I copied," Sasuke said. "Someone will have to eat a bite, though -- it's only an internal reaction test." He looked slightly embarrassed about that.
There was something kinda screwy about magic tricks that only worked after you started playing Russian roulette with human lives.
"And if the meat's gonna kill us? Do you have tricks to fix that, Sasuke-kun, or are we stuck with the Heimlich maneuver?" Sasuke looked blank. Oh, yeah, different worlds -- he wouldn't know the name even if he knew the motions. "Like this," Duo said, wrapping his left hand around his right fist and sliding around Sasuke to demonstrate.
Sasuke slammed his arms down on Duo's elbows and spun out of his loose grip. "That's for choking," he sneered. "To induce vomiting, you stick a finger down your throat. Don't you know anything, dead la--"
He stopped like a suit with the power cut, his mouth still open on his last word.
Duo took one slow step back, to give Sasuke the illusion of space and privacy. "I was joking, Sasuke," he said, and tidied his posture so he was all business -- he had the feeling he'd just tripped over a timebomb way too delicate to take apart right now. "You know, if you want to chop up that bug demon and cart the meat around, I'm not going to stop you, but I'm not helping either. It's your call all the way."
"Hey! What the fuck is taking so long?" Faith's voice broke through Sasuke's little... whatever-it-was, and his face snapped back into a scowl. Faith looked back at them from maybe fifty yards away, hands fixed on her hips and irritation clear in every line of her body. "This isn't the time for love confessions!" she shouted.
Duo grinned; swear to God, he could get to like that woman. "This ain't love, babe," he called back. "It's just a sex-type thing. Anyway, Sasuke says he wants to barbecue the centipede for dinner. I say whatever, but he has to butcher and carry the meat himself."
Faith had very expressive body language. She slumped for a second, elbows sagging, and then waved one hand abruptly skyward. "Men," she said to the darkening sky, in the exact same long-suffering tone he'd heard from every damn woman he'd ever known. "Men and boys. Fuck 'em all." She looked back at Duo. "The kid has a point, but we don't have that much time 'til sunset. Twenty minutes and then we're gone."
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As Sasuke studied the centipede demon and wondered how to split its exoskeleton in order to get at the meat, Faith crouched down beside him. "Sasuke," she said, her accent twisting and flattening the syllables of his name. "I'll help you. Watch." She spoke slowly, setting each word apart from the others instead of slurring them the way she and Duo did when they talked to each other. When Sasuke nodded and fixed his eyes on her hands, she grabbed one of the centipede's legs with her right hand. She braced herself against the demon's body, and pulled; the leg tore off with a wet crack and left a jagged hole in the armored side. The next leg suffered the same fate, leaving a single segment isolated between the holes.
"Watch," Faith said again, and slid her knife sideways through one hole, its point tearing a path between the exoskeleton and the muscle, and pushed on it like a lever. "You help," she said, and pointed at the other hole.
Sasuke drew one of the Sargul demons' knives -- they were longer than his kunai, though the steel wasn't as strong, and he wouldn't particularly mind if he broke one doing this. He wedged the knife on the inside of the centipede's armor and faced Faith. "On three," she said, and counted. Sasuke pushed on his knife, leaning on it to add his weight to the thrust -- the armor segment split along the middle, shattering into a dozen pieces.
Faith grinned and ran a hand through her hair. "All yours, Sasuke," she said, looking ridiculously pleased at the success of her plan. It was like a darker, bloodier echo of Sakura's happiness when she learned a new jutsu, or Naruto's glee when he pulled off one of his stupid tricks. Sasuke blinked, shaking away the visual trick that imposed his old teammates' faces over Faith, and concentrated on the pale, dense flesh inside the centipede's armor. He had no time for memories, especially not ones that tried to blunt his resolve or make him doubt his course. He had no time for distractions.
The centipede bled red, iron-rich blood, not any odd-colored ichor, which Sasuke took as a good sign for its potential edibility. He sliced up the one segment, carving it into flat slabs of meat until he had twelve pieces, each of which would make a full meal for one person. He would have stopped at six, but then he decided any excess could always be discarded, but coming back to collect more meat might be a problem.
"Duo," he said when he finished, "I need your jacket."
Duo made an exaggerated gesture of disbelief. "My jacket? This is your show, Sasuke-kun -- if you want something to wrap the bug-meat, cut up your pants."
Sasuke glared. Duo's smile just got wider and toothier.
Sasuke itched to wipe that grin off Duo's face -- it was too cheerful, and too full of the casual assumption that Sasuke couldn't beat him. Unfortunately, this world was too unknown and full of dangers for Sasuke to prove how wrong he was, especially since Duo might manage to wound him in the process. But Duo wasn't the only person around.
"Faith," Sasuke said. "Help. Duo, give me." He mimed taking off a jacket, and then pointed at the sliced meat lying on the centipede demon's back.
"Give the jacket to me," she corrected him. "So you ---- the meat." She winked at Sasuke, and then sauntered over to Duo's side with a slow, wicked smile on her face and a sudden aura of danger that had nothing to do with her weapons or her strength.
Duo covered his reaction so fast that if Sasuke hadn't been anticipating something -- and if he didn't have exceptional vision even without the Sharingan -- he might not have seen the resignation and the hint of tightness around Duo's eyes. That was interesting. That was very interesting, especially coming from a person who'd just spent hours making sexual innuendos with both him and Faith. If Duo was just reacting to Sasuke flipping Faith over to his side, that was one thing, but if he was reacting to her body language...
Sasuke tucked that idea away for future examination.
Faith dragged her hand along Duo's shoulder, leaned in, and whispered something in his ear. Duo groaned theatrically. Then he grabbed her hand from his arm and kissed it as he stepped back. He pulled a small box from his left pocket, slid out of his jacket, and whipped it through the air to Sasuke. Sasuke caught the fabric absently and studied Duo -- with the jacket off, he could place the man's weapons more precisely. Duo had a long knife in a sheath on his back, shorter knives strapped around his bare forearms, and a second metal-shooter stuck into the waist of his pants. He drew the first metal-shooter from its holster, opened the box, and began to place metal pieces into the contraption.
"Can you reuse the pieces?" Sasuke asked as he wrapped the meat in the jacket -- he turned it inside out first, since Duo would probably want the jacket back.
"They're called bullets," Duo said, "and no -- that's the downside to guns. The upside is that any idiot can shoot one, and because of that, people in my world are a lot more likely to believe me when I say I'll shoot everyone in a room than they would if I pulled a knife and said I'd gut everyone in the room." He shrugged, crumpling the empty part of the box and tucking in into a pocket on the side of his black pants. "I can clear a room either way, but proving it with the knives gets messy and messy takes time. Bad for mission planning, you know?"
Faith asked him something. Duo translated, and she laughed. Sasuke waited.
"'If it's not messy, what's the point?' she says." Duo shrugged. "An assassin she ain't, but I bet she could teach you a thing or two, Sasuke-kun. Now pick up my poor, defenseless jacket and let's get the hell out of Dodge."
Sasuke threw the Sarguls' knife at him. Duo dodged, naturally, but at least the point had been made.
"Idiots," Faith said, and motioned Duo to take point. She shook her head as Sasuke drew up beside her. "Duo's a bastard," she said, "but ---- are other ways ---- you can ---- and ---- more fun." She made a rather explicit gesture with her hands, and grinned.
Sasuke turned away. It wasn't bad enough for him to get summoned into another dimension by demons who wanted to use his body as a weapon -- that, he could understand. But to get summoned into a dimension where his only allies were more interested in sex than survival...
The kami who oversaw his life was a pervert. It was the only possible explanation.
---------------------------------------------
End Part Four
Back to part III
Continue to part V
See the original crack pairings meme and the scene that attacked me and became the first section of part I
Read the final version on ff.net. (By 'final' I mean 'edited to fix the squidgy bits.' Just FYI.)
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Note: Some people commented that Duo shouldn't have been able to take Sasuke by surprise in part III. It's true that Sasuke is faster than Duo, but Sasuke is also a master of tunnel vision and selective blindness, and Duo strikes me as almost as much of a chameleon as Trowa (in his own way), so he slipped under Sasuke's guard. Also, please note that Sasuke isn't scared; instead, he thinks it's better to humor Duo rather than pick a fight in 'enemy' territory. (There's a third reason as well, but it was only subtly hinted at in GW canon before being dropped, so I'm trying not to do anything more than hint at it myself.)
It's hard to balance relative strength and skill levels when dealing with three very different series, especially when one is high-tech science fiction, one is based on 'magic,' and one is live action. (That last one is killer in terms of relative special effects.) I'm giving Duo an edge over Sasuke in sheer experience, and he's much less distracted by internal issues; he's also more professional and versatile than Faith. I've decided that Faith is stronger than either Duo or Sasuke, and she has the advantage of familiarity with demonic portals, hell dimensions, and so on. And while Sasuke still has his speed and arsenal of ninjutsu, I'm toning down the effectiveness of chakra-based muscle enhancement so that he won't totally outclass the other two. In other words, none of this 'running at 15-20 mph for three days straight' nonsense, and he's going to pay in drained stamina for any high-level jutsu he does.
If that bothers you, please write it off as one of the weird conditions of this particular dimension -- it's like the way Pylea's sunlight doesn't burn vampires, for example.
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