TDIR: Loyalty (5)

[edenbound]

Fandom: The Dark Is Rising
Main characters: Will, Bran, OMC (sort of), Jane, Barney, Simon, John
Referenced characters: Arthur, Gwion
Pairings: None
Contains: N/a
Rating: G
Summary: Six must be gathered again, to face the old threat wearing a new face.
Index: Index.

Comments

[flyingskull]

Hello, here from fanficrants, remember?

You have absolutely no reason to fear crit, con or otherwise. The story flows beautifully, the characters are as IC as they come and the plot is thrilling. You echo Cooper's style, but have clearly made it your own and it's a joy to read.

The only thing that is a bit confusing is Simon saying "I'm studying for medicine". (It should be 'reading Medicine' *cough*) Is he a university student, then? Not that he can't be, of course, he just sounds a little too young for that. But it's atiny niggly thing and quite minor.

I still have the intensely personal opinion that you don't need any Welsh to give the story a bit more of atmosphere; anyone who's got any idea of the Arthurian cycle knows it's set in Wales and people who have read - or at least know of - the Mabinogi have even less of a problem about location. Still, it detracts nothing from your fic and it's so sparse that even I couldn't say it put me off.

Eagerly awaiting the next chapters, I offer you Blind Guardian's Mordred's Song. You

[edenbound]

I remember

[flyingskull]

It was my unalloyed pleasure.

I think Simon doing his A level and having decided on a career would work perfectly. It doesn't matter that their ages are vague, they are teens and this is why they sound like their younger selves and - at times - like old people. It's period of huge transformation in one's body and mind and this sort of double-vision is very realistic and endearing to readers. :-D

As for the Welsh, it didn't bother me a bit, I was just carrying on our old discussion. The way you use it is perfectly good.

If I had any at making sound files I's send it to you, but alas, I'm still a CD sort of person. Sorry.

[flyingskull]

Urgle. Typing and eating a sandwich at work do not mix well.

I meant *A levels; *It's a period; *If I had any skill at

Sorry about that.

[edenbound]

That's alright -- I've noticed some slips in the previous chapters of this and I have no clue how they got through, so I'm hardly one to talk. xD

Although now I come to be replying on this page, I find the font is ridiculously faint and I'm pretty sure I've made mistakes I can't see because of it. :p Maybe that's just my screen brightness, though. D:

[edenbound]

I'm glad that's working well, too. I'd been wondering a bit if I was doing it right because I'd aged them up quite a lot compared to how they grow throughout the books -- so obviously they would have changed, and yet I didn't want them to be unrecognisable.

It's good to hear, still. I wouldn't want to throw anyone out of the story for my quirks -- I mean, a certain amount of it is reader preference, but still.

That's alright. :) It might be on iTunes or something. Or if not I'm sure there's somewhere -- this is ze interwebs, after all. :p