FFVIII: Fugitive (3)
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Pairing: Seifer/Squall
Warnings: Squall POV, angst
Chapter: Three
Rating: G
Summary: Seifer is on the run, and meets his lover only once every few months. For multi-chapter fics, warnings and pairings are chapter specific.
I'd wanted to start a search for Seifer immediately, but of course, Laguna objected to that, reminding me that I needed a plan. “It's not like you,” he said, a little scolding, and I wanted to point out that being desperately in love wasn't like me, either, and yet apparently I was. Kiros seemed to understand my frustration, though. He agreed with Laguna, but he did sympathise with me. It was him I worked with most in gathering what information we had.
“So when exactly did you last see him?” he asked, flicking through pages of Estharian intelligence. I tried to think about it, tried to pinpoint the date, and found it entirely too long ago.
“Four months ago,” I told him, trying not to think about all that could happen in four months.
“Right. He was last sighted by an Estharian agent in... hmm. Deling City, four and a half months ago. Esthar... three months ago.” He looked up at me, as if expecting me to make some comment, and my mind raced as I tried to fit everything together. Dollet four months ago. Deling City before that. Obviously, on the date we'd been supposed to meet in Deling City, he had some problem and couldn't make it. But if he was seen in Esthar at that time, it meant he was still okay, up to that point.
“Has he been seen again since then?”
Kiros looked through, and I tried not to fidget, concentrating on the sound of rustling pages.
“No... no, wait,” he said, and I tried not to lean close and be too eager. Just sit, sit and wait, and hope, but don't jump on every hope. That was the best way. I'd always be disappointed if I kept chasing hopes like that. “Yes. He was seen in... Balamb?”
What the hell was he doing in Balamb?
He was surely in danger there. Nobody liked him in Balamb, thanks to the reputation he'd gained as a student and the way Raijin and Fujin had briefly taken over. Damn it, damn it, damn it. I took a deep breath, but it did nothing to calm me.
“When?!”
Kiros gave me a look that told me to calm down. It was a look that could stop my father mid spazz. I wasn't exactly freaking out like that, but the look calmed me down anyway. “A month and a half ago.”
Half a month before we were supposed to meet in Esthar. I guess he got eager and tried to get closer to me, perhaps to catch me there instead of waiting to see me in Esthar. Damn it, the idiot. We had a plan that would have kept him safe.
If he'd followed it.
“And he hasn't been seen more recently than that?”
“No. Not by any Estharian intelligence, although I'll persue a couple of agents that haven't reported in a while.”
I tried not to show any disappointment. It seemed that the only lead I had was Balamb. And that would be awkward, giving that Balamb Garden was probably considering me a missing person since I'd gone AWOL. People in Balamb would know me.
“Squall. Laguna told me to do everything I can to help you. Two agents are already on their way to Balamb to do what they can,” Kiros said, and he moved closer, putting his hand on my shoulder. “We'll help you find Seifer if we can.”
Some of the time back then, I thought that I would prefer to find Seifer myself. All by myself. He'd try to find me that way, I thought. But no, he wouldn't, he'd accept the help of Raijin and Fujin, so I might as well forget that and swallow whatever it is, pride or arrogance, and let my dad and Kiros and anyone else who wants to help me.
“Thank you,” I said, simply.
“Don't mention it,” he said, flashing me a smile, teeth bright white against dark skin. He and my father were hopelessly lucky. Aging well.
Aging well together, or so I suspected.
Hate the idea of getting old, but when I do, I hope it'll be with Seifer. And that we don't have any more wars or sorceresses or anything of the kind to deal with.
“You know...” Kiros trails off, but at my inquiring look, nods slightly and continues, “I didn't think much about Almasy. I just thought that because he's... he was, I mean, Ultimecia's Knight, that he should be punished. But we all know that sorceresses can do things to people... look at Esthar. They followed Adel with barely a complaint for a long time. Should they all be punished? Obviously not.” He hesitated, looking down at his hands, “I'm helping Laguna put together a case for pardoning Seifer. For what it's worth, we're both sorry we didn't supp - ”
“That's enough,” I said, quickly, a little embarrassed at the sudden interest being taken in Seifer and I. “It's okay. I knew he was manipulated because... well, you know why.”
“Because you're his lover,” Kiros said, a little amused now and less serious.
“Yes,” I said, shrugging, “because I've been his lover for a long time, I knew that what he did wasn't like him. It started out like him, I guess, the parade... that was just like him. But not the prison. Torture isn't his style...”
Kiros gave me a pitying look. I didn't want him to apologise but at the same time, the memory of that time made something lock up inside me, as if insisting that I cried. I was all choked up and, annoyingly, Kiros could see it. He put a hand on my shoulder and nodded slowly. “Sorry. I understand.”
“Can you leave me alone, please?” I asked, swallowing hard to get in control of myself again. It worked. Kiros looked a little worried, but he nodded, gathering up his records and leaving the room without another word.
I sat in silence and fought with my own feelings.
-----
“Squall?”
I looked up at Laguna. He put a hand on my shoulder, a worried expression on his face. I realised that now it was dark, I hadn't eaten all day, and that I must have been asleep for at least some of that. “Something wrong?”
“Yes, you haven't eaten,” Laguna said, tsking softly, but I didn't want his fussing.
“I'll get something when I feel like it,” I said shortly.
“Squall... okay.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair nervously and giving me a careful look, chewing his lip, “It's just, I know it's hard, but you need to keep on liv -”
“Whatever. I know.”
I've never been good at nodding and smiling when someone is acting like they know better than me, like they can lecture me. So that's perhaps why I reacted so badly. That doesn't excuse me being rude but... I don't think I was that bad, all things considered.
Maybe that's just me trying to justify myself. Whatever.
“Squall...” he started to say something else, but abandoned it before it even fully formed in his mind. “Okay. You know I'm always ready to talk, don't you? I actually brought some food for you, do you want it? And did Kiros tell you that there are two agents heading to Balamb? They'll find him if he's there. We'll find him, I'm sure. I'm good at finding people!”
He had such an innocent smile on his face at that. Like he still didn't realise that he was the only one for whom life was simple like that. And just like that, I realised that maybe it would be better if I didn't lose myself in my thoughts.
“I'll have the food. And you can stay for a while and talk to me.”
“I can do that!” he said, grinning, and did exactly that.
I'd eaten quite a lot by the time we got around to the subject of my mother, finding myself hungrier than I expected. I blanked out most of what Laguna was saying, simply listening to the tone of his voice, the cheerful, optimistic undercurrents. I noticed when it turned more reflective and tuned in properly when I heard him say my mother's name.
“...and she was just like this with me, almost motherly, only, you know, not. I think that's where I learnt it. She'd have been a good moth - ”
“Tell me about her,” I demanded suddenly, surprising even myself.
The look that lit up Laguna's face made me smile. Even years after her death, Raine, my mother, was still loved. I couldn't help but think of Seifer when I listened to Laguna, but it didn't hurt. It was nice to think of him in that fond way, remembering his faults as well as his strengths rather than, perhaps, how perfect he had been at times - that was a good thing for me, at a time when it would've hurt any other way.
I hoped he was thinking of me.
Pairing: Seifer/Squall
Warnings: Squall POV, angst
Chapter: Three
Rating: G
Summary: Seifer is on the run, and meets his lover only once every few months. For multi-chapter fics, warnings and pairings are chapter specific.
I'd wanted to start a search for Seifer immediately, but of course, Laguna objected to that, reminding me that I needed a plan. “It's not like you,” he said, a little scolding, and I wanted to point out that being desperately in love wasn't like me, either, and yet apparently I was. Kiros seemed to understand my frustration, though. He agreed with Laguna, but he did sympathise with me. It was him I worked with most in gathering what information we had.
“So when exactly did you last see him?” he asked, flicking through pages of Estharian intelligence. I tried to think about it, tried to pinpoint the date, and found it entirely too long ago.
“Four months ago,” I told him, trying not to think about all that could happen in four months.
“Right. He was last sighted by an Estharian agent in... hmm. Deling City, four and a half months ago. Esthar... three months ago.” He looked up at me, as if expecting me to make some comment, and my mind raced as I tried to fit everything together. Dollet four months ago. Deling City before that. Obviously, on the date we'd been supposed to meet in Deling City, he had some problem and couldn't make it. But if he was seen in Esthar at that time, it meant he was still okay, up to that point.
“Has he been seen again since then?”
Kiros looked through, and I tried not to fidget, concentrating on the sound of rustling pages.
“No... no, wait,” he said, and I tried not to lean close and be too eager. Just sit, sit and wait, and hope, but don't jump on every hope. That was the best way. I'd always be disappointed if I kept chasing hopes like that. “Yes. He was seen in... Balamb?”
What the hell was he doing in Balamb?
He was surely in danger there. Nobody liked him in Balamb, thanks to the reputation he'd gained as a student and the way Raijin and Fujin had briefly taken over. Damn it, damn it, damn it. I took a deep breath, but it did nothing to calm me.
“When?!”
Kiros gave me a look that told me to calm down. It was a look that could stop my father mid spazz. I wasn't exactly freaking out like that, but the look calmed me down anyway. “A month and a half ago.”
Half a month before we were supposed to meet in Esthar. I guess he got eager and tried to get closer to me, perhaps to catch me there instead of waiting to see me in Esthar. Damn it, the idiot. We had a plan that would have kept him safe.
If he'd followed it.
“And he hasn't been seen more recently than that?”
“No. Not by any Estharian intelligence, although I'll persue a couple of agents that haven't reported in a while.”
I tried not to show any disappointment. It seemed that the only lead I had was Balamb. And that would be awkward, giving that Balamb Garden was probably considering me a missing person since I'd gone AWOL. People in Balamb would know me.
“Squall. Laguna told me to do everything I can to help you. Two agents are already on their way to Balamb to do what they can,” Kiros said, and he moved closer, putting his hand on my shoulder. “We'll help you find Seifer if we can.”
Some of the time back then, I thought that I would prefer to find Seifer myself. All by myself. He'd try to find me that way, I thought. But no, he wouldn't, he'd accept the help of Raijin and Fujin, so I might as well forget that and swallow whatever it is, pride or arrogance, and let my dad and Kiros and anyone else who wants to help me.
“Thank you,” I said, simply.
“Don't mention it,” he said, flashing me a smile, teeth bright white against dark skin. He and my father were hopelessly lucky. Aging well.
Aging well together, or so I suspected.
Hate the idea of getting old, but when I do, I hope it'll be with Seifer. And that we don't have any more wars or sorceresses or anything of the kind to deal with.
“You know...” Kiros trails off, but at my inquiring look, nods slightly and continues, “I didn't think much about Almasy. I just thought that because he's... he was, I mean, Ultimecia's Knight, that he should be punished. But we all know that sorceresses can do things to people... look at Esthar. They followed Adel with barely a complaint for a long time. Should they all be punished? Obviously not.” He hesitated, looking down at his hands, “I'm helping Laguna put together a case for pardoning Seifer. For what it's worth, we're both sorry we didn't supp - ”
“That's enough,” I said, quickly, a little embarrassed at the sudden interest being taken in Seifer and I. “It's okay. I knew he was manipulated because... well, you know why.”
“Because you're his lover,” Kiros said, a little amused now and less serious.
“Yes,” I said, shrugging, “because I've been his lover for a long time, I knew that what he did wasn't like him. It started out like him, I guess, the parade... that was just like him. But not the prison. Torture isn't his style...”
Kiros gave me a pitying look. I didn't want him to apologise but at the same time, the memory of that time made something lock up inside me, as if insisting that I cried. I was all choked up and, annoyingly, Kiros could see it. He put a hand on my shoulder and nodded slowly. “Sorry. I understand.”
“Can you leave me alone, please?” I asked, swallowing hard to get in control of myself again. It worked. Kiros looked a little worried, but he nodded, gathering up his records and leaving the room without another word.
I sat in silence and fought with my own feelings.
-----
“Squall?”
I looked up at Laguna. He put a hand on my shoulder, a worried expression on his face. I realised that now it was dark, I hadn't eaten all day, and that I must have been asleep for at least some of that. “Something wrong?”
“Yes, you haven't eaten,” Laguna said, tsking softly, but I didn't want his fussing.
“I'll get something when I feel like it,” I said shortly.
“Squall... okay.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair nervously and giving me a careful look, chewing his lip, “It's just, I know it's hard, but you need to keep on liv -”
“Whatever. I know.”
I've never been good at nodding and smiling when someone is acting like they know better than me, like they can lecture me. So that's perhaps why I reacted so badly. That doesn't excuse me being rude but... I don't think I was that bad, all things considered.
Maybe that's just me trying to justify myself. Whatever.
“Squall...” he started to say something else, but abandoned it before it even fully formed in his mind. “Okay. You know I'm always ready to talk, don't you? I actually brought some food for you, do you want it? And did Kiros tell you that there are two agents heading to Balamb? They'll find him if he's there. We'll find him, I'm sure. I'm good at finding people!”
He had such an innocent smile on his face at that. Like he still didn't realise that he was the only one for whom life was simple like that. And just like that, I realised that maybe it would be better if I didn't lose myself in my thoughts.
“I'll have the food. And you can stay for a while and talk to me.”
“I can do that!” he said, grinning, and did exactly that.
I'd eaten quite a lot by the time we got around to the subject of my mother, finding myself hungrier than I expected. I blanked out most of what Laguna was saying, simply listening to the tone of his voice, the cheerful, optimistic undercurrents. I noticed when it turned more reflective and tuned in properly when I heard him say my mother's name.
“...and she was just like this with me, almost motherly, only, you know, not. I think that's where I learnt it. She'd have been a good moth - ”
“Tell me about her,” I demanded suddenly, surprising even myself.
The look that lit up Laguna's face made me smile. Even years after her death, Raine, my mother, was still loved. I couldn't help but think of Seifer when I listened to Laguna, but it didn't hurt. It was nice to think of him in that fond way, remembering his faults as well as his strengths rather than, perhaps, how perfect he had been at times - that was a good thing for me, at a time when it would've hurt any other way.
I hoped he was thinking of me.