Cause I'm Bored and I Can
Me: Heyyy Derek .... I got some Retin-A up my nose... can you... do something about it?
Derek: ........
Me: Yeah, the tube went all crazy on me and took me by surprise.
Derek:.... only you can land a job offer and somehow get face cream up your nose...
Me: Yeah... hey I know Retin-A exfoliates but am I supposed to have this much snot coming out?
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Random Guy: Are you in this video? *Darkholme Movie*
Me: No.... I'm just here to support him, he's my friend.
Random Guy: Are you in porn?
Me: Oh... no.
Random Guy: You ever thought about it?
Me: All the time man!
Random Guy: Then why not do it?
Me: I think chaffing would be a major issue that I'm not prepared to deal with and also insurance, not sure how Metlife looks at that.
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Mom: How is your diet going?
Me: Oh good... yesterday I had two meals of salads without Ranch
Mom: Oh gooood!
Me: Yeah but this morning I bought doughnuts for grandma and I ate it all. I might as well just accept being fat.
Mom: ....
Me: She's not fast enough. Sorry mom, in the wild, she would starve- it's nature's way of saying "you're fired".
Mom: ... thats not nice
Me: She was the one who told me that if an attack dog came running up to me, I should bend over.
Derek: ........
Me: Yeah, the tube went all crazy on me and took me by surprise.
Derek:.... only you can land a job offer and somehow get face cream up your nose...
Me: Yeah... hey I know Retin-A exfoliates but am I supposed to have this much snot coming out?
-----
Random Guy: Are you in this video? *Darkholme Movie*
Me: No.... I'm just here to support him, he's my friend.
Random Guy: Are you in porn?
Me: Oh... no.
Random Guy: You ever thought about it?
Me: All the time man!
Random Guy: Then why not do it?
Me: I think chaffing would be a major issue that I'm not prepared to deal with and also insurance, not sure how Metlife looks at that.
-----
Mom: How is your diet going?
Me: Oh good... yesterday I had two meals of salads without Ranch
Mom: Oh gooood!
Me: Yeah but this morning I bought doughnuts for grandma and I ate it all. I might as well just accept being fat.
Mom: ....
Me: She's not fast enough. Sorry mom, in the wild, she would starve- it's nature's way of saying "you're fired".
Mom: ... thats not nice
Me: She was the one who told me that if an attack dog came running up to me, I should bend over.