More ecuador stuff
Hmm, tying up loose ends...
My final week, for once, I got good HIV news. One of the boys who I'm really close to tested negative, and I was so relieved that at least he didn't have it, unlike so many others, and then felt a little guilty for being so relieved. Does that make sense? Later that same day I was meeting with another young man who is positive, and I was trying to not display any of my happiness over the earlier news. This was actually the first negative test I'd been through the whole process with, from the counselling to testing to results, and WOW what a relief. I'd really developed some PTSD issues with the whole HIV testing center after so many positives, I just got this ache in my stomach even walking by. I think I felt emotionally, not intellectually, that getting tested meant the start of the whole saga of dealing with the illness, because for so many kids, it is. Getting good news was such a good way to end things.
My last day in Guayaquil was absolutely amazing. A bunch of the kids wrote me letters, all on their own (no adult prompting), and most of them are kids who do not enjoy writing at all. They just snuck up to me at different times during the day and slipped them to me. And it's hard to talk about this without sounding pretentious or like I'm full of myself. But a lot of time, even though I love the work, it's really hard. The kids can be really tough and half the time it can feel like you're just talking to air, like you're never sure if they're listening or if what you say or do matters. And then every once in awhile, you leave the country and realize that yeah, what you've been doing has had an impact, and here's this hard, tangible proof. So I'm a little shallow for needing that, but it sure did feel good. At the same time, it made leaving even harder, because I'm gonna miss them so much. I already do. Of course I cried...but just a little. Because I'm going back. Very soon. And I will keep repeating that to myself, over and over again, until I believe it.
Anyhow, it was good closure on a lot of things, I got to have some good individual talks with both of my godsons who are in the project. And just a couple of hours before I was going to leave, I had more work to do. But I think that's gonna be a separate entry - I'm dragging out the last of the ecua-news as long as possible, since I'm still in denial about being back in the corn.
I will say that I got to talk to about 5 of the kids on the phone today, and it was wonderful. And I'm going back. Very soon.
My final week, for once, I got good HIV news. One of the boys who I'm really close to tested negative, and I was so relieved that at least he didn't have it, unlike so many others, and then felt a little guilty for being so relieved. Does that make sense? Later that same day I was meeting with another young man who is positive, and I was trying to not display any of my happiness over the earlier news. This was actually the first negative test I'd been through the whole process with, from the counselling to testing to results, and WOW what a relief. I'd really developed some PTSD issues with the whole HIV testing center after so many positives, I just got this ache in my stomach even walking by. I think I felt emotionally, not intellectually, that getting tested meant the start of the whole saga of dealing with the illness, because for so many kids, it is. Getting good news was such a good way to end things.
My last day in Guayaquil was absolutely amazing. A bunch of the kids wrote me letters, all on their own (no adult prompting), and most of them are kids who do not enjoy writing at all. They just snuck up to me at different times during the day and slipped them to me. And it's hard to talk about this without sounding pretentious or like I'm full of myself. But a lot of time, even though I love the work, it's really hard. The kids can be really tough and half the time it can feel like you're just talking to air, like you're never sure if they're listening or if what you say or do matters. And then every once in awhile, you leave the country and realize that yeah, what you've been doing has had an impact, and here's this hard, tangible proof. So I'm a little shallow for needing that, but it sure did feel good. At the same time, it made leaving even harder, because I'm gonna miss them so much. I already do. Of course I cried...but just a little. Because I'm going back. Very soon. And I will keep repeating that to myself, over and over again, until I believe it.
Anyhow, it was good closure on a lot of things, I got to have some good individual talks with both of my godsons who are in the project. And just a couple of hours before I was going to leave, I had more work to do. But I think that's gonna be a separate entry - I'm dragging out the last of the ecua-news as long as possible, since I'm still in denial about being back in the corn.
I will say that I got to talk to about 5 of the kids on the phone today, and it was wonderful. And I'm going back. Very soon.