As an institution
I'm a big fan of marriage.
I don't consider living with someone or dating someone long term to be equivalent to marriage. One of the key parts of marriage is getting up in front of witnesses and making formal promises to your partner. Marriage is contractual. I like that. I take promises very seriously, and I treat relationships differently when the people in them are willing to publicly take responsibility for each other and the relationship.
(Side note: All this applies to same-sex couples who can't legally get married, but who have had some sort of witnessed event confirming their relationship with each other. Your girlfriend is different from your wife, even if you're female.)
Most of the people who go around spouting off about the joys of marriage, though, are not my peers. They are, at best, well-meaning and parental, and, at worst, fanatically religious and bigoted. I don’t think marriage is something that should be forced on anyone, or forbidden to anyone [of age]. I do think that it makes sense to have you spouse be the default for certain social assumptions (who you’ll bring to a party, who can share your health insurance). I don’t think that “default” should mean that marriage is the only option.
Partly, I think that I like marriage because I like the idea of having a tribe of people, who I get to choose, who act like a cross between a social circle and an extended family. Marriage is one of the few ways I can think of that allows you to formally, publicly, and legally declare that someone is part of your family. I suspect I’d be all in favor of some similar declaration that let me claim good friends as a non-spouse part of my family.
So all that being said, what do you think? Does this make sense? Is this just married person blather? Or a sort of extended rationalization for why *I* like being married?
I don't consider living with someone or dating someone long term to be equivalent to marriage. One of the key parts of marriage is getting up in front of witnesses and making formal promises to your partner. Marriage is contractual. I like that. I take promises very seriously, and I treat relationships differently when the people in them are willing to publicly take responsibility for each other and the relationship.
(Side note: All this applies to same-sex couples who can't legally get married, but who have had some sort of witnessed event confirming their relationship with each other. Your girlfriend is different from your wife, even if you're female.)
Most of the people who go around spouting off about the joys of marriage, though, are not my peers. They are, at best, well-meaning and parental, and, at worst, fanatically religious and bigoted. I don’t think marriage is something that should be forced on anyone, or forbidden to anyone [of age]. I do think that it makes sense to have you spouse be the default for certain social assumptions (who you’ll bring to a party, who can share your health insurance). I don’t think that “default” should mean that marriage is the only option.
Partly, I think that I like marriage because I like the idea of having a tribe of people, who I get to choose, who act like a cross between a social circle and an extended family. Marriage is one of the few ways I can think of that allows you to formally, publicly, and legally declare that someone is part of your family. I suspect I’d be all in favor of some similar declaration that let me claim good friends as a non-spouse part of my family.
So all that being said, what do you think? Does this make sense? Is this just married person blather? Or a sort of extended rationalization for why *I* like being married?