[Log] If I just lay here...
Characters: OU: Tim Drake/Robin, OU: Cissie King-Jones
Where: Om-Eski
When: Backdated during the transformation plot
Summary: Cissie's worst nightmare comes to haunt her, Tim helps.
Warnings: Cuddling, and angst and cute
Tim made his way back to Om-Eski, thinking idly that he was running himself a little ragged, trying to keep up with insane friends. Not that he minded. Being busy seemed to help him keep the worst of his own hallucinations at bay. He considered knocking at the door when he arrived, but... well, it was his own room. He let himself in, and made his way directly to their bedroom. Cissie was curled up on top of her bed, looking miserable. He dropped into the mattress next to her and looked down. "Hey, Ciss," he said quietly.
Cissie rolled a little, turning her head to look up at him and gave what might have been a weak, embarrassed smile to someone who didn't know her very well. "Hi," she muttered. "You didn't have to do that."
"Wanted to," he said, nudging her over a little more, stretching out next to her on the bed, and pulling her into a hug. Now was not the time for stupid, embarrassing teenaged hormones, and for once--Tim wasn't feeling them. Cissie needed a friend.
Cissie tucked her head under Tim's chin, somehow curling herself into a tighter ball under his arm. She squeezed her eyes shut and let out a slow breath. It helped; Tim was there and real and alive. This wasn't in her head; she hadn't hurt him or anyone else. "Sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" he asked, smoothing her hair down her back in the kind of comforting gesture Robin used to soothe traumatized children. "It's not your fault."
She gave a jerking shrug, curling her hands into fists against his chest. "Because--I know it's not real," she replied, her voice breaking. "I shouldn't--"
He drummed his fingers lightly against her back. "Hey--you're talking to me. The guy who attacked you because I thought you were an alien pretending to be you."
Cissie laughed sharply, stopping abruptly because if she kept laughing she would start crying. She held her breath for a second, waiting until she felt marginally more in control before shaking her head. "Yeah, but--you were asleep. It wasn't your fault."
"Yeah," Tim agreed. "And you were hallucinating something you would never do--which isn't your fault either."
Cissie grunted, making an inarticulate noise. She wished she could believe him. But what she'd seen... It would have happened that way, if Kon hadn't shown up. "But--I did do it."
Tim shook his head. "Yes--but when Kon gave you the chance to think about it, you didn't go through with it."
Cissie frowned, turning her head slightly so she could breathe more easily. "But I did," she insisted, her anger and fear and guilt making her voice rise and break. "I let go of the arrow. I--I let it go."
Tim sighed, pulling her into a tighter hug. "Cissie--you were grieving. You were angry and grieving, and you did something stupid, and Kon gave you a redo--and you chose to walk away." He shook his head again. "Do you think--assuming I had been up to doing anything other than lying in bed after Dad died--that I would have been anything resembling a rational Robin? It's okay. You didn't do it."
She squeezed her eyes shut and slipped an arm around him, grabbing his shirt in her fist and hanging on. She didn't say anything, not trusting herself to speak right away. When she did speak, her voice shook. "What if Kon hadn't shown up? That's--that's what I see." She swallowed hard, shuddering in Tim's arms. Haltingly, she continued, "You remember--when you told us your name? With Bedlam and the alternate worlds? Where I was--"
"I remember," Tim said, cutting her off. She didn't need to say what she'd been in that world--a murderer.
Cissie pushed her face into his chest again, clinging. She was shaking, and she couldn't stop. She couldn't stop seeing those bodies--her family, her friends. Cassie. Anita. Kon. Bart. Tim. All dead--because of her. Because she killed them. Whispering, she managed, "That's what I saw."
"That's not you," Tim replied firmly. "Not ever. We stopped that world."
"I..." She stopped, clenching her jaw. Her teeth were chattering. "I know. It's just..." Just that this was exactly what she feared most. What her worst nightmares for two years had been. Exactly why she had given up Arrowette and why she could never go back.
"I know," Tim replied quietly. "It will be okay. You know I won't let you become that. I care about you too much."
Cissie took some gasping breaths, turning her head to press her ear against his chest. She listened to his heart beating, trying to focus on that instead of the images in her head and the thousands of doubts and arguments ready to spill out. Instead, she clutched at him and whispered, “You promise?”
"I promise," he said firmly. "I won't let you be a murderer, and you won't let me. It's a pact. We'll kick each other's asses if we start going that way, right?"
She let out a long, slow breath, feeling a knot of tension begin to uncurl. She was willing to let him convince her; he was real and solid and it was easier to remember that the things she had seen were not real with him there. “Right,” she agreed weakly, a little uncertain.
"Trust me."
She made a small, impatient noise. “You know I do.”
He smiled and pressed his chin down against the top of her head. "Then trust me on this--I will never let you become that."
Cissie took a deep breath and released it, breathing a little easier. She nodded against his chest. “Thank you,” she murmured.
"You're welcome." He hugged her a little more tightly. "Think you can relax a little now?"
She nodded again, taking a few more deep breaths. She was so tense, but at least now she felt like she could breathe. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Thanks, Tim."
He hummed a little and settled her against him more comfortably. "Want to try to get some rest? Need me to go?"
She drew in another deep breath, relaxing in his arms. Rest sounded good, but she was a little afraid of the nightmares. She didn't really want him to go, but she felt guilty asking him to stay. "You don't have to," she finally murmured, "but if you have somewhere to be--you were probably in the middle of something. Sorry."
"I don't have anywhere to be--I've just been wandering, looking for distraction." He nudged her a little with his shoulder, smirking slightly. "I'm happy to stay if you want me, but I wouldn't want to intrude on a quality brood."
She laughed. "Well, you are the expert there." She paused, biting her lip before adding softly, "But--you're not intruding."
"Good." He shifted again, making himself more comfortable. "Besides--I think your bed is nicer than mine, and therefore an excellent place for a nap right now." There wasn't really any difference of course. He was joking, hoping to get her to relax--maybe get a nap, too. She seemed... really tense. For obvious reasons, of course.
Cissie gave another laugh and repositioned, moving to a more comfortable position in his arms. She exhaled slowly and smiled a little. She felt better, knowing that Tim was staying. "That's just because I do my laundry more often," she teased.
He rested his head against hers. "Laundry sucks."
She smiled and let her eyes slide shut. “Thanks, Tim.”
"You're welcome." He closed his own eyes, and listened for her breathing to even, before finally falling asleep himself.
Where: Om-Eski
When: Backdated during the transformation plot
Summary: Cissie's worst nightmare comes to haunt her, Tim helps.
Warnings: Cuddling, and angst and cute
Tim made his way back to Om-Eski, thinking idly that he was running himself a little ragged, trying to keep up with insane friends. Not that he minded. Being busy seemed to help him keep the worst of his own hallucinations at bay. He considered knocking at the door when he arrived, but... well, it was his own room. He let himself in, and made his way directly to their bedroom. Cissie was curled up on top of her bed, looking miserable. He dropped into the mattress next to her and looked down. "Hey, Ciss," he said quietly.
Cissie rolled a little, turning her head to look up at him and gave what might have been a weak, embarrassed smile to someone who didn't know her very well. "Hi," she muttered. "You didn't have to do that."
"Wanted to," he said, nudging her over a little more, stretching out next to her on the bed, and pulling her into a hug. Now was not the time for stupid, embarrassing teenaged hormones, and for once--Tim wasn't feeling them. Cissie needed a friend.
Cissie tucked her head under Tim's chin, somehow curling herself into a tighter ball under his arm. She squeezed her eyes shut and let out a slow breath. It helped; Tim was there and real and alive. This wasn't in her head; she hadn't hurt him or anyone else. "Sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" he asked, smoothing her hair down her back in the kind of comforting gesture Robin used to soothe traumatized children. "It's not your fault."
She gave a jerking shrug, curling her hands into fists against his chest. "Because--I know it's not real," she replied, her voice breaking. "I shouldn't--"
He drummed his fingers lightly against her back. "Hey--you're talking to me. The guy who attacked you because I thought you were an alien pretending to be you."
Cissie laughed sharply, stopping abruptly because if she kept laughing she would start crying. She held her breath for a second, waiting until she felt marginally more in control before shaking her head. "Yeah, but--you were asleep. It wasn't your fault."
"Yeah," Tim agreed. "And you were hallucinating something you would never do--which isn't your fault either."
Cissie grunted, making an inarticulate noise. She wished she could believe him. But what she'd seen... It would have happened that way, if Kon hadn't shown up. "But--I did do it."
Tim shook his head. "Yes--but when Kon gave you the chance to think about it, you didn't go through with it."
Cissie frowned, turning her head slightly so she could breathe more easily. "But I did," she insisted, her anger and fear and guilt making her voice rise and break. "I let go of the arrow. I--I let it go."
Tim sighed, pulling her into a tighter hug. "Cissie--you were grieving. You were angry and grieving, and you did something stupid, and Kon gave you a redo--and you chose to walk away." He shook his head again. "Do you think--assuming I had been up to doing anything other than lying in bed after Dad died--that I would have been anything resembling a rational Robin? It's okay. You didn't do it."
She squeezed her eyes shut and slipped an arm around him, grabbing his shirt in her fist and hanging on. She didn't say anything, not trusting herself to speak right away. When she did speak, her voice shook. "What if Kon hadn't shown up? That's--that's what I see." She swallowed hard, shuddering in Tim's arms. Haltingly, she continued, "You remember--when you told us your name? With Bedlam and the alternate worlds? Where I was--"
"I remember," Tim said, cutting her off. She didn't need to say what she'd been in that world--a murderer.
Cissie pushed her face into his chest again, clinging. She was shaking, and she couldn't stop. She couldn't stop seeing those bodies--her family, her friends. Cassie. Anita. Kon. Bart. Tim. All dead--because of her. Because she killed them. Whispering, she managed, "That's what I saw."
"That's not you," Tim replied firmly. "Not ever. We stopped that world."
"I..." She stopped, clenching her jaw. Her teeth were chattering. "I know. It's just..." Just that this was exactly what she feared most. What her worst nightmares for two years had been. Exactly why she had given up Arrowette and why she could never go back.
"I know," Tim replied quietly. "It will be okay. You know I won't let you become that. I care about you too much."
Cissie took some gasping breaths, turning her head to press her ear against his chest. She listened to his heart beating, trying to focus on that instead of the images in her head and the thousands of doubts and arguments ready to spill out. Instead, she clutched at him and whispered, “You promise?”
"I promise," he said firmly. "I won't let you be a murderer, and you won't let me. It's a pact. We'll kick each other's asses if we start going that way, right?"
She let out a long, slow breath, feeling a knot of tension begin to uncurl. She was willing to let him convince her; he was real and solid and it was easier to remember that the things she had seen were not real with him there. “Right,” she agreed weakly, a little uncertain.
"Trust me."
She made a small, impatient noise. “You know I do.”
He smiled and pressed his chin down against the top of her head. "Then trust me on this--I will never let you become that."
Cissie took a deep breath and released it, breathing a little easier. She nodded against his chest. “Thank you,” she murmured.
"You're welcome." He hugged her a little more tightly. "Think you can relax a little now?"
She nodded again, taking a few more deep breaths. She was so tense, but at least now she felt like she could breathe. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Thanks, Tim."
He hummed a little and settled her against him more comfortably. "Want to try to get some rest? Need me to go?"
She drew in another deep breath, relaxing in his arms. Rest sounded good, but she was a little afraid of the nightmares. She didn't really want him to go, but she felt guilty asking him to stay. "You don't have to," she finally murmured, "but if you have somewhere to be--you were probably in the middle of something. Sorry."
"I don't have anywhere to be--I've just been wandering, looking for distraction." He nudged her a little with his shoulder, smirking slightly. "I'm happy to stay if you want me, but I wouldn't want to intrude on a quality brood."
She laughed. "Well, you are the expert there." She paused, biting her lip before adding softly, "But--you're not intruding."
"Good." He shifted again, making himself more comfortable. "Besides--I think your bed is nicer than mine, and therefore an excellent place for a nap right now." There wasn't really any difference of course. He was joking, hoping to get her to relax--maybe get a nap, too. She seemed... really tense. For obvious reasons, of course.
Cissie gave another laugh and repositioned, moving to a more comfortable position in his arms. She exhaled slowly and smiled a little. She felt better, knowing that Tim was staying. "That's just because I do my laundry more often," she teased.
He rested his head against hers. "Laundry sucks."
She smiled and let her eyes slide shut. “Thanks, Tim.”
"You're welcome." He closed his own eyes, and listened for her breathing to even, before finally falling asleep himself.