(no subject)
we were making lanyards today, and then I remembered.
I remembered I needed something to do with my hands, I pulled it out of my pocket to keep my fingers moving, to keep them busy. I remember the dark empty bedroom and needing you to tell me you were joking, to tell me I was dreaming. I thought if I kept my hands moving, if they could go back to that pattern and be the summers by the lake, then, I wouldn't have to feel it. I still wonder, what if we had stayed there, in that familiar empty house, had the holiday (just the two of us. ) I think I just miss you, I don't feel like we are a part of eachother anymore. Maybe that's what it means to get older.
Have you ever been able to look at yourself, and see two people, you and the other? And all you want is to tell the other part of you how sorry you are; hold her face in your hands and promise to listen next time. I'm sorry I made you feel for him, you knew I shouldn't all the while. I'm sorry for all the highs and lows, and letting them make or break our day. Now, we'll wait. We'll wait for something right, maybe spring or something more.
oh, blah blah blah. I just need to fill my head with the work I should do, all the data I wish wasn't real, all the voices I can help be heard. (That's kind of a nice thought, actually.)
I remembered I needed something to do with my hands, I pulled it out of my pocket to keep my fingers moving, to keep them busy. I remember the dark empty bedroom and needing you to tell me you were joking, to tell me I was dreaming. I thought if I kept my hands moving, if they could go back to that pattern and be the summers by the lake, then, I wouldn't have to feel it. I still wonder, what if we had stayed there, in that familiar empty house, had the holiday (just the two of us. ) I think I just miss you, I don't feel like we are a part of eachother anymore. Maybe that's what it means to get older.
Have you ever been able to look at yourself, and see two people, you and the other? And all you want is to tell the other part of you how sorry you are; hold her face in your hands and promise to listen next time. I'm sorry I made you feel for him, you knew I shouldn't all the while. I'm sorry for all the highs and lows, and letting them make or break our day. Now, we'll wait. We'll wait for something right, maybe spring or something more.
oh, blah blah blah. I just need to fill my head with the work I should do, all the data I wish wasn't real, all the voices I can help be heard. (That's kind of a nice thought, actually.)